Post Reply FAQ Members Login

Venting

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Venting

Postby uncskristy » Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:33 am

by uncskristy (171 Posts), Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:33 am

After Cooper's death, no one from my husband's dad's side of the family contacted us. No emails, no cards, nothing. Several of the family members our age (the cousins) are on facebook and there is no way they could not have known what was going on. Fast forward to last week, a uncle passed away. My husband went to the visitation. One the cousins asked my husband so you have two boys now right? My husband responded yes but Cooper is in heaven now because he was 16 weeks early and too small to make it. She and her husband responded "Sorry" and walked away. Needless to say, my husband was upset. The next day he goes to funeral. He sits beside a different group of cousins and aunt and uncle. During the service, a speaker is talking about how the deceased uncle and wife have been married for almost 50 years which is hard to do after losing a child because so much stress is put on your relationship that most marriages fail under those circumstances. My husband is bawling at this point. No more ever puts their arm around my husband or says I am sorry about Cooper. My husband is heartbroken. They did not even acknowledge our son's death. It makes me really angry. How could they just not say anything.
uncskristy
Registered User
 
Posts: 171
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2010 11:24 am
Location: North Carolina

Re : Venting

Postby jamilyn » Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:53 am

by jamilyn (430 Posts), Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:53 am

Kristy -
I am so sorry to hear this. I could not imagine having that happen. I will say that you truly find out who is important in your life when you experience such a horrible and tragic loss. My husband and I were almost one of those that dont make it, we seperated for about 6 weeks and I moved to a different city while we were seperated. My husband wouldnt talk about anything that was going on and it just tore me up to the point of having to leave.
I know a lot of people just dont know how to respond to finding out a baby has passed on and ignoring it def makes it worse.
After my sons funeral I never heard from my in-laws and was even told they have never felt so unwelcome as they did when they came out for the funeral... I finally had to tell them that how they were acting was very upsetting.
I am so sorry again, family support is so important and I hope you are getting it from your side of the family but Im sure its heartbreaking to your husband to not have support from his family especially after seeing everyone at a funeral for his uncle.
{{HUGS}}
jamilyn
Registered User
 
Posts: 430
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 08:30 am

Re : Venting

Postby kerisue » Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:28 am

by kerisue (623 Posts), Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:28 am

That is just awful Kristy. Sometimes I think that others who have not had a loss find it so difficult to even contemplate that they won't "go there" with us. I have a friend who was just like that- yak, yak, yak about her kids and never once asked me about my child or the trauma we went through together. Of course it IS too difficult to even contemplate, yet we are living with it and at the very time we need their strength they are weak. I hope you and your husband have gotten enough support from each other, from friends, and from other family members.
User avatar
kerisue
Forum Moderator
 
Posts: 623
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 11:43 pm

Re : Venting

Postby miamibunnie » Tue Aug 24, 2010 00:09 am

by miamibunnie (510 Posts), Tue Aug 24, 2010 00:09 am

Kristy sorry to hear that, I also had a loss 3 months ago. I also felt hurt because my cousins and aunt did the same thing to me. At least now you know who are the people who really care about you. It is sad that sometimes tradgedy needs to happen to realize who really cares.
miamibunnie
Registered User
 
Posts: 510
Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 10:46 am
Location: NEW YORK CITY

Re : Venting

Postby annes » Tue Aug 24, 2010 01:50 pm

by annes (2527 Posts), Tue Aug 24, 2010 01:50 pm

I am so sorry that your husband had this experience. I think that when someone loses a child, it is so horrible that people just bury their heads in the sand and don't talk about it. My in-laws do not talk about our son who passed away at all. They came and saw him in the hospital, met him, spent the four days with us, came to the hospital with us to pick up the memory box, and that was it. When my older son mentions his brother, they just change the subject. It hurts. I find myself sharing less with them about my living children, because of the way they have acted about their grandson who died, and you know what, that is their loss. This is a failure and loss on the part of your dh's family. Take care of yourself.
annes
Forum Moderator
 
Posts: 2527
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2004 11:53 am

Re : Venting

Postby atvlady » Thu Aug 26, 2010 09:08 pm

by atvlady (1000 Posts), Thu Aug 26, 2010 09:08 pm

Kristy, I am so sorry for your loss and the way you, your husband and Cooper was treated. My husband and I had the SAME exact experience. After I got out of the hsopital and buried her 3 days later, no phone calls, I did get emails from friends though, noone came to our front door, just a few sympathy cards, no texts'....we were miserable and it hurt.....IT HURT for us to be done like that! How in the HECK can people be that upside down? Since then I have distanced myself from the ones' I was always there for but in my time of need they turned their back. I don't like being like this but I am bitter. That was our daughter, some of them it was their neice....I jsut can't get over how people can be! So yes, I can perfectly relate to you! The day after I had Darren and posted on here for the first time, I got SO much incredible support! I was touched. Know myself and all the other's on here is there for you. I am sorry you had to go through all this. Sometimes a person's true colors shine through. Hold the ones close to you, closer, family or friends but I have found family will be the ones to hurt you the most and hardest.
atvlady
Registered User
 
Posts: 1000
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 01:36 pm
Location: Pulaski, VA


Return to Grief and Loss

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: aimeejane and 2 guests