by wrennie (1019 Posts), Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:45 pm
I definitely think this is something we all have experienced after a loss. You really start to know your true friends, the ones that open their door and just listen whenever and where ever. I saw a therapist, i really recommend one, but you have to search for a good one and one that has helped other women with loss. She helped me prepare for so many circumstances before they ever happened. When I was freaking about going to a party where I would meet a baby the age that my daughter would have been, she helped me. We visualized it, went through the emotion of it, and when the moment came it was not a shock to me and I was able to surprise myself with my courage and compassion. It takes alot of work and for me, it almost felt like I was the only one working. I had to learn how to live in my new world, so I COULD relate again and become a person that people didnt avoid anymore (not that I think we really are people to avoid, but I think we definitely feel that way). Through the process, i really did gain compassion for others, for their inability to relate to me, for their inability to support me. FOr me I found it was ok, I knew my true friends.
family was always another story. I had the full spectrum, my brother wrote and recorded a song for Elodie. Its amazing. My mother saw me four days after my loss and told me to stop crying! Seriously!? I had to learn that I was her baby and she was focused on fixing me, even though that isnt what i needed.
All and all, i think grief stuns everyone. And, it depends on the person as to how they will deal or help others deal. You have to focus on yourself, and your husband. Thats most important. To navigate thru your grief on your own terms in your own time is what it takes. People will either get this or not. Slowly, i think most people will learn when you need them, you will come calling.
anyhow im just rambling...but i hope there is some help in here. You are smart to come here, this board is therapy too. it does help to know you are not alone. Please email me if you ever have questions or need support!