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Depression kicks.

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Depression kicks.

Postby atvlady » Wed Dec 08, 2010 09:41 pm

by atvlady (1000 Posts), Wed Dec 08, 2010 09:41 pm

I need some input. Since I had Darren it has been a tough road. I know I will never get a answer why and will never be able to understand how I fell through the cracks.
Sometimes I will be watching tv and all of the sudden I bust out crying and just plain out miserable. I know I was not thinking anything or anything sad on tv. I just don't get this. I am bi-polar and my symptoms have been manageable and I could deal with them until I had this to happen. I don't know what to do. I see a counselor and a psyc doc but I think they have threw their hands up cause there is no way of reversing what has been done. I've stopped asking why and have now moved on to the "how can I help someone else" stage. I am seriously thinking about going back on my depression meds. Has anyone else experienced this? Did you have to go back on meds?
Delissa (38) Darrell (45)

1-Rissa-Janelle "Darren" King 20+1 June 6, 2009 10:33 p.m. to June 6, 2009 11:53 p.m. 6.8 ounces. Severe PIH, Severe Preeclampsia and Severe HELLP. No diagnosed underlying condition.

2-TTC as of August 30, 2010
8-15-2011 Now infertility is a issue. We will be doing IUI.
atvlady
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Re: Depression kicks.

Postby m » Wed Dec 08, 2010 11:38 pm

by m (140 Posts), Wed Dec 08, 2010 11:38 pm

I am closing in on two years after my loss and I still have bad days sometimes and burst out crying for no apparent reason. It happens less frequently these days, but I'm pretty sure it will never stop for good and I don't think it's an indication that anything is wrong with me. I feel like sometimes I just have an emotional need to process and crying is how it's done. It doesn't consume my life like it did at first, but I will never 'finish' grieving for my son and I don't feel like I should. I have never been on any depression meds, but if you feel like it would be helpful for you to go back on them, it might be a good idea to discuss it with your doctor.
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: Depression kicks.

Postby kerisue » Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:55 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:55 pm

When Millie first died every day and every moment was bad. Now I have good days and bad, good moments and bad. The holidays have been particularly tough so far. I just recently went on a low dose antidepressant and i do think it's helped.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: Depression kicks.

Postby jules2 » Fri Dec 10, 2010 03:14 pm

by jules2 (514 Posts), Fri Dec 10, 2010 03:14 pm

I feel like m - my loss was only a month or two before yours Delissa and I still have days when I cry and feel down. I don't think this is abnormal; of course I will always hurt over losing Alice. I understand your feelings as we all do.

The difference is (compared with a year ago) that I do function now - I can work to full capacity, I can plan for this baby (touch wood) and look to the future. I don't always feel entirely positive about the future, but nor am I overly negative. I have no relevant history of depression though, and have never been on any meds.

I don't feel there is any problem with taking meds if you think it might help; I guess I am trying to ask if you managing to function ok despite feeling down or tearful sometimes ?

xx
May 2009 - Alice stillborn at 26 weeks due to severe PE and HELLP post-partum

2 early miscarriages

And then 4th pregnancy baby girl due 29th December 2010! Born safely after totally normal pregnancy on 17th December.
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Re: Depression kicks.

Postby atvlady » Fri Dec 10, 2010 05:44 pm

by atvlady (1000 Posts), Fri Dec 10, 2010 05:44 pm

I have good days and bad ones. The big thing I have noticed is my memory loss. This has been coming on for a few months now and has gotten so bad I forgot my middle name the other day :/ I see my dr Thursday. I think it is all this derpression and rage trying to get out of my system. I can function pretty good it's just when these emotions hit, I don't want to do anything. I am going to talk to my doc about a low dose of something.
Delissa (38) Darrell (45)

1-Rissa-Janelle "Darren" King 20+1 June 6, 2009 10:33 p.m. to June 6, 2009 11:53 p.m. 6.8 ounces. Severe PIH, Severe Preeclampsia and Severe HELLP. No diagnosed underlying condition.

2-TTC as of August 30, 2010
8-15-2011 Now infertility is a issue. We will be doing IUI.
atvlady
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Posts: 1000
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 01:36 pm
Location: Pulaski, VA

Re: Depression kicks.

Postby cmccaffrey » Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:42 pm

by cmccaffrey (458 Posts), Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:42 pm

Delissa,
I understand where you are coming from. I am constantly trying to wrap my mind around how me and my son fell through the cracks. I pour over the medical reports and just feel so hopeless. This week I was barely able to get myself out of bed for more than an hour at a time. I go through parts of the day where everything is fine, but then I will walk past something like the ironing board and just start bawling and have the hardest time gaining composure. Grief is so weird like that.

I am not currently taking medication, but if in a month or two I am still feeling like I cannot gain composure, I will definitely ask the doctor whether or not she thinks I need to be on them. I think we owe it to ourselves to be able to function after losing our babies...not necessarily move on, but just be able to move.

I am not sure if that makes sense, but do whatever you think will help you.
Christa (25) & J (26)
Mommy to:
Mason born 10.11.10 @ 30+3 wks due to Severe Pre-E. Only lived 2.5 days
Noah born 2.1.12 @ 38 weeks thanks to lots of doctors visits, LDA, Lovenox and no preeclampsia!

learn more about our story... http://tinyurl.com/7a979vy
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Re: Depression kicks.

Postby atvlady » Sat Dec 11, 2010 04:43 pm

by atvlady (1000 Posts), Sat Dec 11, 2010 04:43 pm

Thanks. I am glad you understand how I feel. Mine just jumps on me and I'm not thinking anything. Sometimes things trigger it but then other times it just takes hold. I see my dr Thursday so I will see what she says. I just need some temporary relief til I can get over whatever this is. I hope you can find some relief too. We have to keep moving forward.
Delissa (38) Darrell (45)

1-Rissa-Janelle "Darren" King 20+1 June 6, 2009 10:33 p.m. to June 6, 2009 11:53 p.m. 6.8 ounces. Severe PIH, Severe Preeclampsia and Severe HELLP. No diagnosed underlying condition.

2-TTC as of August 30, 2010
8-15-2011 Now infertility is a issue. We will be doing IUI.
atvlady
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Posts: 1000
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 01:36 pm
Location: Pulaski, VA

Re: Depression kicks.

Postby wrennie » Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:19 pm

by wrennie (1019 Posts), Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:19 pm

Delissa, be gentle with yourself. I am sorry you have to walk this road. If medication will help, dont feel bad about using it. Listen to yourself and what you need and take it easy. there is not right or wrong, just what is best to help give you some peace. thinking of you!!
Carin (34)
Mommy to an angel, Elodie (November 2007 31 weeks stillborn due to placental abruption, PE/HELP) and to a miracle, Aylah (January 2009, PE with 9 weeks hospital bedrest)
m/c March 2011
Expecting number 3, a boy, late March 2012!
PE/HELP survivor
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Re: Depression kicks.

Postby atvlady » Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:52 am

by atvlady (1000 Posts), Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:52 am

Thanks. It's a tough road.
Delissa (38) Darrell (45)

1-Rissa-Janelle "Darren" King 20+1 June 6, 2009 10:33 p.m. to June 6, 2009 11:53 p.m. 6.8 ounces. Severe PIH, Severe Preeclampsia and Severe HELLP. No diagnosed underlying condition.

2-TTC as of August 30, 2010
8-15-2011 Now infertility is a issue. We will be doing IUI.
atvlady
Registered User
 
Posts: 1000
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 01:36 pm
Location: Pulaski, VA


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