Hi. I am very sorry for your loss and for getting through the holidays - all I can say is ugh! It stinks. We totally ran off during our first holiday w/out Fiona. We went skiing in Vermont. It took me a year to pay it off on my credit card but it was SO worth it! It was actually rather cathartic for me w/ the whole my body is a failure thing and the challenges of skiing helping me feel strong again and also something about getting out into the cold like a metaphor for facing my grief head on - just putting my boots on and digging in. That worked for me. My suggestion is to find what works for you. Although, today is already the day after Christmas, so I apologize for being tardy. Christmas would have been miserable in town w/ our huge families. It was hard enough no matter where we were. It is just really difficult no matter what you do. I am sorry. It was hard last year with my PPD and still thinking about Fiona even with Kyle in my arms. I even goofed out a little this year and have a wrapped unmarked box of NB baby girl clothes under my tree. This is a very difficult thing to face. Be very kind and gentle with yourself and get some rest. Winter is cold and hard, but somebody once told me, "Spring always comes." And it does. XO
PS I donate $ to Heifer International every year at holiday time since I'm not spending $ on Christmas gifts for Fiona. It is her little gift to the world.
Katie, married to Doug. Mom to Fiona Elizabeth, stillborn June 21, 2008 @ 26w; Severe Preeclampsia. Loved. Kyle James, born October 29, 2009 @ 39w; Healthy and PE Free!!! Josephine, born Nov.17, 2011 @ 39w; PE free again. Woot!