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Feeling really devastated w/the holidays

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Feeling really devastated w/the holidays

Postby jean » Sun Dec 12, 2010 03:55 pm

by jean (675 Posts), Sun Dec 12, 2010 03:55 pm

I didn't really expect this, though I've heard that the holidays are really hard for a lot of people. I'm just feeling very down...not that I ever felt any better, but the holidays seem to be making it a little worse. I think it's going to be a long rough stretch from now through Feb. (when our son died) for my family and I. I want to be happy, spending fun times with family right now-but instead there's an empty space where our son should have been..
Our first son was born and passed in Feb of 2010. Born at 29 weeks due to HELLP and passed due to NEC. We miss him every day. :~(

Our second son was born at 39 weeks gestation in Nov of 2011. No HELLP or pre-e! Took LDA starting at week 12 and went off of it at week 38!

http://findingtherainbowconnection.blogspot.com/
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Re: Feeling really devastated w/the holidays

Postby kerisue » Sun Dec 12, 2010 05:06 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Sun Dec 12, 2010 05:06 pm

I feel the same way Jean! My aunt was talking about how many little ones were in the house on Thanksgiving and I thought "there should be one more." I want to be getting Millie's stocking and "baby's first Christmas" ornament. Next Sunday I want to be taking her to church to be dedicated with all the other new babies- instead I'll be going to a group on "living with loss in the Holidays." I hate this.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: Feeling really devastated w/the holidays

Postby preemomof2 » Sun Dec 12, 2010 05:30 pm

by preemomof2 (1 Posts), Sun Dec 12, 2010 05:30 pm

i feel the exact same way. The worst part is that i feel like people think i should be over the grief. I think they are tired of me feeling depressed. The holiday blues are real, however, when you have them because you have lost a child, they are unbearable. I am so sad that I cannot even cry. I am so tired of being sad, yet, I have no reason to be happy. I am grateful for my life, however, i miss hailey so much. I would have taken christmas pictures by now. I would have actually put up a tree. It would have been great. OH WHY!!!!!!! I just had to get that out of my system.
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Re: Feeling really devastated w/the holidays

Postby m » Sun Dec 12, 2010 11:20 pm

by m (140 Posts), Sun Dec 12, 2010 11:20 pm

I wish I could say something to help; the holidays can be so difficult. My baby boy was born and died in February 2009 and the holidays that year were so hard. We stayed home because it really would have been too hard to be around all the children in our extended families and we just couldn't and didn't want to celebrate any holidays anyway. We asked our families to donate to the March of Dimes or our NICU rather than purchase gifts for us last year. I think the most important thing is to do what feels right for you, whether that's doing what you usually do or doing something different this year. Just make it as easy on yourself as you can and you'll get through it.
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: Feeling really devastated w/the holidays

Postby jules2 » Mon Dec 13, 2010 02:35 pm

by jules2 (514 Posts), Mon Dec 13, 2010 02:35 pm

Last year I decided to take a last minute holiday so I wasn't at home at all over the christmas period. I only booked the day before and then jetted off - so it was cheap last minute deal. I don't know if any thing like that is an option for you, but for me it was brilliant - I hated the idea of a xmas at home when it was going to be my first xmas "without" Alice. I felt loads better just getting away from everything. As it turns out I did get pregnant again in April and therefore it was the last holiday I've had (and am likely to get) for some time anyway.

Whatever you decide to do, hope you find a way through this difficult period xx
May 2009 - Alice stillborn at 26 weeks due to severe PE and HELLP post-partum

2 early miscarriages

And then 4th pregnancy baby girl due 29th December 2010! Born safely after totally normal pregnancy on 17th December.
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Re: Feeling really devastated w/the holidays

Postby angieb » Tue Dec 14, 2010 09:28 pm

by angieb (1192 Posts), Tue Dec 14, 2010 09:28 pm

The first year of the holidays, all of them, even Easter, were super hard. I was due in late January so I had expected to be pregnant through Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, and so it was just super sucky. We did some things like normal, and not others. I keyed down the presents a lot and wasn't much in the mood to celebrate much of anything. We did family stuff on Christmas Eve like usual, but totally skipped out on Christmas, I spent most of the day wallowing in bed and then after awhile we went to the cemetery. This year is a little better, but it still is hard to totally get in the mood of the holidays.
Me (29) DH (30)
#1-Olivia Caetlyn-9-28-09-9-28-09, 23+2 wks, emergency classic c-section, class I HELLP, IUGR
#2- Lucas Oliver (rainbow baby)- April 2011, 36+2 wks, HELLP and pre-e free! (lovenox and LDA pregnancy)
#3-Matthew, late October 2012...mostly normal, 37 wks, (lovenox and LDA again)
My blog: http://www.butterflies-and-rainbows.blogspot.com/
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Re: Feeling really devastated w/the holidays

Postby uncskristy » Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:23 am

by uncskristy (171 Posts), Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:23 am

Great minds think alike because I was actually coming onto the forum to start a post asking how people were doing with the holidays.
Its such a roller coaster for me right now that I totally understand how a person with bipolar disease feels. This is first Christmas that our three year really understands what is going on and is super excited so I can literally go from being so happy to being just miserable in two seconds flat thinking how I will never get to see Cooper be excited. I am constantly doing a dance between do I feel allow myself to be happy because I have Davis and slight Cooper because I am not thinking about losing him or think about Cooper and slight Davis because I am not totally happy. I think the most difficult thing for me to deal with has been not being able to send out a Christmas card with a picture of both of my boys. I still have not had one printed and I am running out of time if time has not run out already.
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
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Re: Feeling really devastated w/the holidays

Postby kerisue » Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:25 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:25 pm

Kristy, I don't have a little one at home like you, but I don't think Cooper or my Millie would want us to be unhappy. The loss of her does overwhelm me sometimes, but I think she would rather I focus on the love of her and the chance I had to know her, however briefly, than the loss of her. A lot easier said than done though.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: Feeling really devastated w/the holidays

Postby kbunsey » Sun Dec 26, 2010 07:58 pm

by kbunsey (895 Posts), Sun Dec 26, 2010 07:58 pm

Hi. I am very sorry for your loss and for getting through the holidays - all I can say is ugh! It stinks. We totally ran off during our first holiday w/out Fiona. We went skiing in Vermont. It took me a year to pay it off on my credit card but it was SO worth it! It was actually rather cathartic for me w/ the whole my body is a failure thing and the challenges of skiing helping me feel strong again and also something about getting out into the cold like a metaphor for facing my grief head on - just putting my boots on and digging in. That worked for me. My suggestion is to find what works for you. Although, today is already the day after Christmas, so I apologize for being tardy. Christmas would have been miserable in town w/ our huge families. It was hard enough no matter where we were. It is just really difficult no matter what you do. I am sorry. It was hard last year with my PPD and still thinking about Fiona even with Kyle in my arms. I even goofed out a little this year and have a wrapped unmarked box of NB baby girl clothes under my tree. This is a very difficult thing to face. Be very kind and gentle with yourself and get some rest. Winter is cold and hard, but somebody once told me, "Spring always comes." And it does. XO
PS I donate $ to Heifer International every year at holiday time since I'm not spending $ on Christmas gifts for Fiona. It is her little gift to the world.
Katie, married to Doug. Mom to Fiona Elizabeth, stillborn June 21, 2008 @ 26w; Severe Preeclampsia. Loved. Kyle James, born October 29, 2009 @ 39w; Healthy and PE Free!!! Josephine, born Nov.17, 2011 @ 39w; PE free again. Woot!
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