I thought I had prepared myself as much as possible for the difficult weeks ahead. But I did not expect it to be this hard! Today it hit me, and the intensity of my pain blew me away. It was one year ago exactly that we moved to a new home that would be more suitable for a baby. Tomorrow, it will be one year, that I was diagnosed with severe PE and admitted to the hospital to stay until the birth of my baby, which I thought would be weeks away. How wrong I was. My little Henry was born less than two weeks later on New Year's day. I am dreading the next few weeks and hope that they will pass quickly, yet I want to cherish them, but don't even know how, which pains me too.
I am thinking of all the moms, and dads who have lost a baby, and especially those who had to endure the loss around the holidays, which never will be the same ever again.
I don't only think of my little Henry, but all the other babies who could not stay amongst us.Every day I think of you and hope to find you in the rustle of dried leaves, in the whirl of snowflakes, in the pink sunset over sunset road, in the lit up citgo sign.....always
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011Henry
(1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeksMatilda
(Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE
Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/