Stopping at one child because of HELLP?

[bordergurl72]

I have not posted in a while, but I have been visiting this board since the birth of my daughter in 2005. She is now 5 1/2 and the love of my life. I had severe PE and HELLP, but thankfully everything went back to normal the day after I had my c-section.

I have wanted another so badly since, but went through so many stages of anxiety and depression about it. I have now met with 2 MFMs about TTC and they both give me the green light, but of course they also say I have a 24-30% risk of it reoccurring. I have also found out since having my daughter, i have celiac and ACA antibodies (a blood clotting thing that both doctors have said is insignificant for pg and would only suggest baby aspirin).

However, I just can't get the fear and anxiety out of my head, and while I really, really want another, I am terrified to go through this again and risk my daughter loosing her mother. But I also feel so cheated by this illness and am so envious of friends who seem to have children so effortlessly.

Has anyone else stopped at one child, because of HELLP.

[jenprzygoda]

Our son is just over a year and a half and we have no idea what we are doing in the way of future children. I can't imagine being pregnant again and I really can't take the pain again. I go back and forth about if I even want another child at all (HELLP aside) , but I think it is because all of my experiences are tainted by HELLP. My husband who has always wanted at least 2 and kept wanting two even after our son's birth has come to the point where he is more concerned with what I am comfortable with. I feel cheated out of the normal birth experience, but I know that I will never have that even if we do have another. I am still so angry with what happened to me and I need to work through my emotions before I can make any decisions with my husband. For now I just want people to stop asking when we are going to have our next child - it seems that people just have no idea! I wish you the best of luck as there is no easy decision after HELLP. No matter what, I think it is a decision filed with emotion and tainted by the experience of HELLP.

[l412angel]

There is hope. I lost my daughter to PE and Hellp at 30 weeks. Started symptoms much earlier. I am now 30 weeks no signs of PE!

[jenprzygoda]

Laura, you are an inspiration to all of us. I can't believe that you are 30 weeks already - and it is great you are PE free! You have so much strength. Where does it come from?

[l412angel]

Thank you!

Honestly, I think that if Cara would have lived through what happened last time I am not sure if I would be able to do it again, in fear of losing my life and then leaving her alone. BUT since I have nothing to really lose and all to gain at this point I did try again. Its scary, but honestly I am my own advocate. Telling my doctors, I will be seen weekly. Not asking.

Another thing that helps, is it is all a huge crap shoot. There is NOTHING that will treat/prevent. Not to mention I know women who have no underlying conditions that went on to get PE and HELLP again, on the other hand I know women (myself included) that have underlying conditions with no signs of PE. I truly can say I believe that it is all up to how the placenta implants its self.

There is never a 100% chance of getting it again. It is typially 25-30% so just think you have a 70% of not getting it again...AND if women do, its typically much later, or milder. So thats a plus. I looked at it and my plus's outweighed the minus's. Good Doctors, Weekly Appointments at 26 weeks. Lovenox (not proven to help, but not proven to hurt either).

I never ever in a million years would have thought I would make it to 30 weeks + with not even a trip to L&D. Its a blessing.

Another thing I did was get tested for everything under the sun. I emptied out my savings, and credit card loaded it up to make sure I got Cardiology testing, and blood work monthly until everything was peachy keen!

I hope this helps someone out there to try again, its honestly not as scary as I would have imagined, once your pregnant...there is no turning back, so your forced to take it day by day and every day that you do not have PE is a fantastic day!

[kmb1419]

Anna,

I understand how you are feeling. My situation is a little different, but I can relate. I do have 2 children but I dreamed about having a large family. I developed HELLP with both pregnancies but didn't know I had it until after my second child was born. It has taken me almost a year to say aloud that I most likely won't have any more children. I will be honest that I hold a glimmer of hope that some cure will be found or some test will find an underlying issue- so far no luck with that. My youngest is almost 2 and I am having a hard time getting rid of the baby stuff. I think it's good to talk about this with people who understand. For me, I've found it helpful to talk to someone. I've slowly learned to accept what happened to me and talk about with others to inform them about this disease. Also I have thought about fostering a child or doing something to make a difference in a child's life. (My husband doesn't want to adopt, but I'd be open to it.) Just know that you're alone. I too am envious of others and wish I could have another baby without the fear and worry.

Kristen

[rebeccac]

We are stopping at 1 because of HELLP, my age and my diabetes. If it were not for HELLP, I would try again.

[Katie_NB]

This is my very first post on the message board, and actually my first visit to the site.

I'm struggling with this decision at the moment as well. My husband is eager to have a second child, but has left the decision to me as he realizes my concerns, and he also shares those concerns, but doesn't want to talk about it.

I had HELLP late in my pregnancy. I didn't have any symptoms until a couple weeks before my due date (which I didn't realize were symptoms until I was admitted to the ER). At that point I was seeing my OB regularily, so part of what makes me nervous is that none of us saw it coming on.

I know that if I hadn't had HELLP, there would be no question, and we would have a second child, but, I'm nervous this could happen again. I'm fortunate in that I have a friend who had HELLP as well, and she had a subsequent pregnancy what went really well, but, it still makes me nervous that I COULD happen again.

I think I probably need to talk to a counsellor or something to work through my anxiety. But, I do find it comforting that there are others that feel the same way (not that I want others to feel anxiety... haha).

[wsmom]

Anne,

I feel like I’m reading my own bio. I too am 38 with a son who is five ½, born at 36 weeks via an emergency c-section because of HELLP. As with your daughter, he is the love of my life.

Since he was about one I have been consumed on and off with the decision of weather or not to have another baby. I’m not a risk taker by nature, so the idea of ‘just going for it’ given the known risks is not really something I’m comfortable with doing. However, I would love to have another baby. Like you, at first I thought about how not having a sibling would impact my son, but now I just really want to be a mommy again. It is so hard to think ‘no more babies’ because I have just loved the past five year with my son.

I really wish that I could let these feelings go and learn to be happy with all of the blessings that I have. My husband is perfectly content, and I think he often gets frustrated with me ‘wanting more.’ I have a great life. I wish I could simply enjoy it instead of always worrying about what I don’t have and focus on what I do. Sounds easy, but it has been hard for me to do.

So, if it’s any consolation, I know how you feel.

[bordergurl72]

wsmom,

yes, you sound exactly like me and us as a couple..meaning, he would be fine to have another. i just want to be a mom again!