Congratulations on bringing Carter home!
I have not suffered a loss. However, my son Jacob, was born at 34 weeks due to devere PE and was in the NICU for respiratory distress and other issues. So far I have been told two very reassuring things that have really helped me to relax. It used to scare me to death when his monitors would alarm in the NICU. A nurse told me once "look at your baby, not the monitors. As long as he is pink, you have nothing to worry about". That bit of advice has spared me A LOT of stress, though of course it doesnt hold up for night time when you are sleeping. Then after we came home and took Jacob to see his pediatrician for the first time, the pediatrician told us that if the NICU felt that he was ready to come home and didn't send him home with any monitors, we can be assured that he is ready for that.
Jacob has only been home for a little over a week and he is our first. I was nervous enough about having a newborn and having a premie is even more nerve-wracking. I can't imagine your added stress since you know the pain of loosing a child. For me, I become more comfortable, confident, and relaxed with each passing day.
As for sawaddling, you can do it either way. The person who taught our family care class said that tucking their arms is best because they have a a startle reflex where their arms sort of jerk and it wakes them up. She said babies sleep longer with their arms swaddled in. I have found that to be true. Sometimes, though, it seems to cause Jacob stress to have his arms tucked and it seems better to let him have them out. He uses a pacifier and he likes to put his hand over the paci to keep it in his mouth. Basically, if he is using his paci, I let him keep his arms out most of the time. If not, I tuck them in. Jacob tends to get his arms out a lot too, even when I try to tuck them. I want to try the Halo Sleep Sack, but I haven't made it out to the store to pick one up yet. If I ever manage to get one, I'll let you know how it works