baby born at 32 weeks due to PIH/pre-eclampsia

[nikkibee]

hi everyone,

my son nathan was born on thursday, 3/10/11 due to my blood pressure and severe headaches. i was kept overnight from wednesday to get a 24 hour urine collection, but on thursday my headache was so severe they put me on magnesium and started pitocin to start an induction. after several hours i had not had a single contraction, in fact i slept most of that time. the doctor decided we needed to do a c-section right away and by 6:30pm my son was born. he was 2 lbs 15 oz and i was able to see him for just a minute before they took him to the NICU.

i was not able to see him for over a day after that because of the magnesium, i was not allowed out of bed for ANYTHING. i came home from the hospital on tuesday and they are not sure how long nathan will be in the NICU. he is breathing on his own and tolerating feedings well. he had lost a few ounces but is now up to 3 lbs 1 oz. he has to be at least 4 lbs, breathing on his own, gaining weight steadily and has to be able to keep himself warm before he is allowed to come home.

i am having a bit of a hard time in that i don't feel like a mother yet...when i visit him he doesn't feel like MY baby, it feels like i'm visiting someone else's baby. i've only been allowed to hold him once. it's hard to only be able to watch him through the isolette and when he gets upset i have to watch a nurse comfort him. i just don't feel like a mom at all. i've had a few people tell me that they had the same problem and i'm not alone, which helps. i've been feeling terribly guilty about it. i mean, i LOVE him very much and i worry about him, he just doesn't feel like he's MINE.

anyway...that's my story. i'm glad to see this forum here where people understand what it's like having early babies in the NICU. i am sending positive thoughts to all of you and your babies in hopes that they all progress quickly and are able to come home. hugs to you all!

[m]

It's tough to have your baby stuck in the NICU. Hopefully soon you will be able to hold him more. It seems like forever now, but it sounds like he is doing well, so the time will probably pass quickly and before you know it you will be bringing him home.

[michelarea]

Congrats mom! My first daughter viola was born at 32 weeks. altough she was lucky not to have very major issues she spent 5 weeks in the nicu with cpap/ oxygen at the beginning, than with difficulties digesting milk, apnea and reflux. Since she was discharged she recovered pretty fast and she is now a healthy, happy two years old!

[danielsmom]

I felt exactly the same way. I wonder if it might have been sort of a psychologial defense mechanism or something to deal with the image of all the NICU stuff. Or, it may be just the result of such unnatural circumstances: c-section, mom on mag, no immediate bonding, etc. I can remember watching my son grow the first year in amazement that he even came out of me. I wasn't even in maternity clothes yet when I had him.

My advice to you would be to try to get the nurses to let you be more involved in his care. He seems like he's doing well enough that they would. Comfort him, change his diaper, feed him (if he's taking bottles yet), take his temperature, and the biggest thing is to hold him, skin to skin if possible. Talk to him and let him hear your voice. He knows it. And even now, he's got a little personality... once you see it, you'll be hooked.

On a side, maybe related, note, when my son came home, swaddling would not comfort him. In fact, he would get more mad. We were like HUH? But the baby book says...? He was used to the isolette, and being flat, generally without any stimulation. He was never big enough to be scrunched up in the womb, and the doctors say that explained it. But I had to comfort my baby and turn it around (crying = low oxygen), so I studied baby wearing and through that things changed. In fact, my carrier became the only thing that got us through colicky evenings. I still use carriers a lot and he's now 2. He's not overly attached to me (I worried about that), in fact he's NEVER ONCE cried being separated from me. He's such a happy, fiercely independent little guy. I wonder if the NICU had an effect on that?

[nikkibee]

if we are visiting the NICU during 'touch times', which is when they change diapers and do the temp and everything, we are able to do those things. i changed a diaper for the first time last night! not an easy task through the holes in that little isolette. i just like being able to touch his tiny little feet. i'll probably have to be back to work before we even get him home, and i HATE that.

[torian0319]

First, congrats!!! My daughter was born at 27.5 weeks and was 1 lb 7 oz. She stayed in the NICU for 79 days. She was on the vent and had an umbilical line, which made it impossible for me to hold her. However, the nurse gave me a great Christmas present and let me hold her for a few minutes (kangaroo style), with the umbilical line in. Until the umbilical line came out, I could only go in and look and talk to her. I was able to change her diaper and take her temp. But, this was the only line of connection I could have at that time. I can't say that I did not feel like she was mine, b/c in reality, I did. But, what made me feel guilty was that I was not there more often. But, I felt like there was nothing I could do but stare at her in the incubator. How long can you really do that on a daily basis? But, once the umbilical line was removed, I was able to hold her right before her feedings, in addition to changing diapers, and taking her temp; which, made me feel more like her mother. From that point on, the only times that I did not hold her is when they had to put her back on the vent when she had the set back with Group B Strep. Be adamant that you want to hold your baby. There is no reason that you cannot hold him if he is not on a vent or cpap and has no umbilical line. He needs to feel you and hear your voice close up. I had great nurses that offered her for me to hold before I even asked. It is my personal opinion (and I believe others have mentioned this), once you interact with your baby those feelings should subside. My baby is crying like crazy for my attention, so I have to go, but good luck and tell them that you want to hold your baby.

T-

[nikkibee]

thank you all SO much for your kind words and comments! it's so wonderful that complete strangers can bond with each other on a forum like this because of similar experiences. i am a member of a hyperemesis gravidarum forum as well as this one, and i don't think i could have made it through this pregnancy and kept my sanity without both of these sites! i never expected to get such amazing, sincere support from people i didn't even know, but that is what i have experienced on both sites and i am incredibly grateful.

i am looking forward to hopefully helping other people through their experiences with HG and PIH/pre-e now that i have gone through them. i have had such a wonderful experience receiving support so far, and i've gotten even more from fellow NICU and preemie moms. it's a great addition to the support i'm getting from my family and friends offline, especially since most of them have not experienced all the same things.

i didn't make it to the hospital today to visit as i am feeling very ill, but my husband (who also isn't feeling so well) is there now with my mother. i'm glad he felt up to going, since i had pumped milk to send up to nathan and since that's the only thing i can really do for him right now, it's important that he gets it! hopefully hubby will remember to bring home more bottles from the NICU (so glad they are supplying them!) since i only have one left!

[danielsmom]

Funny story... you made me think of it when you mentioned how hard it is to change diapers through the holes of an incubator.

When I first changed my son's diaper, I lifted his legs and put the diaper under him, and I was kind of shocked with what I saw. I called the nurse over there and asked her, somewhat distraught, if he was deformed. His butt had no crack and it actually came to a point! Our precious nurse tried not to laugh, and explained to me that he just didn't have any fat yet, and the point was his tailbone jutting out just for now. LOL... here I was thinking, well, he'll probably get along alright in life with a pointy butt...

[cmccaffrey]

Funny story... you made me think of it when you mentioned how hard it is to change diapers through the holes of an incubator.

When I first changed my son's diaper, I lifted his legs and put the diaper under him, and I was kind of shocked with what I saw. I called the nurse over there and asked her, somewhat distraught, if he was deformed. His butt had no crack and it actually came to a point! Our precious nurse tried not to laugh, and explained to me that he just didn't have any fat yet, and the point was his tailbone jutting out just for now. LOL... here I was thinking, well, he'll probably get along alright in life with a pointy butt...

I actually had a very similar experience when I changed my son's diaper. I was so baffled his lack of behind because both his father and I have booty to spare. lol

[nikkibee]

i'm staying home tonight while hubby goes to visit...i've been really sick the past few days and i don't know what's wrong with me. :/ i'm kind of worried. i'm really upset that i'm not able to go tonight. i miss the baby. i've been crying all day and i don't really know what to do, i just know i get sick every time i eat and i just feel absolutely horrible.