3 years ago today

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

3 years ago today

Postby melodi » Wed Apr 27, 2011 07:56 am

Torday it is 3 years since my little baby girl passed away. She was called Ana and was born prematurely at 26 weeks due to preeclampsia and HELLP. I had her after being in intensive care for almost 4 weeks. Suddenly all my tests went crazy and they had to do an emergency c-section. I was awake during the procedure and my little baby girl CRIED when they took her out. Image, she was not even 1/2 kg (not sure what it is in pounds) but she had the force to cry out with a strong voice. It was heartbreaking, I knew her chances were so small to survive. After she was born I was too scared to go and see her, but on the second day I agreed to let my husband wheel me up to the premature ward. She was the smallest baby there - I have never seen anything so tiny in my life. The doctors presuaded me to start pumping my breasts so they could try feeding her the first milk. I was filled with hope, but it did not last very long. The following morning she died. There was nothing they could do for her. It was completely unreal - how could life be so cruel? I only got to hold her after she was dead. I sat with her in my arms - my tiny lifeless baby who would never be with me. We said good bye with a beautiful funeral service for her - just my husband and myself and a priest. And we spread her ashes over the sea while playing beautiful music and spreading rose leaves on the water. Loosing my beautiful Ana now hurts less and less. But now it is just mummy and daddy who remember that you had a name, that you were a beautiful baby girl. The rest of the world goes on as if nothing happened, as if you never existed. Today I am hurting so much again. I just wanted to share my story and tell my baby that I will never forget her. My darling Ana, mummy and daddy will love you forever.
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Re: 3 years ago today

Postby trish9 » Wed Apr 27, 2011 05:12 pm

Oh Melodi I'm so sorry for your loss of little Ana. I really feel for you when you speak about how the world goes on without Ana - and you and your husband are the only ones who remember her. We sometimes feel that way about Alexander. I have been so greatful to find this forum. It is such a supportive group and I know that my little one isn't forgotten here. I hope that you also find some comfort here and can share your thoughts and feelings about your daughter with those who understand. Hugs to you...
Trish
Pre-eclampsia and HELLP at 23 weeks +2 days
My little love Alexander. Born and passed on January 3rd, 2010.
Underlying disorders: IgA nephropathy, chronic hypertension and Hashimoto's thyroiditis
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Re: 3 years ago today

Postby rosemary » Wed Apr 27, 2011 09:53 pm

Thinking of you today and your sweet Ana. Wishing you peace and healing.
Rosemary - 47 - Central, PA
Momma to Kayleigh 8/25/88 - 36 weeks
Elliott 8/29/04 - lost at 20 weeks due to severe PE/HELLP
Proud Grandma to Max Allen 10/19/10.
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Re: 3 years ago today

Postby kerisue » Wed Apr 27, 2011 10:48 pm

And now we know of Ana too. She sounds like a sweet one and I'm so sorry this cruel disease took her from you.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: 3 years ago today

Postby m » Wed Apr 27, 2011 10:56 pm

I am so sorry about your precious Ana. If only we could have some answers about why such things happen.
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: 3 years ago today

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:59 pm

This touched me so much. Sweet little Ana. I am so sorry for your loss and pain.We here understand and Ana will never be forgotten. Sending love to you. xo
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: 3 years ago today

Postby sam10 » Thu Apr 28, 2011 09:03 pm

I will always remember your little Ana! Now that I know her story . It reminds me of my little Henry who was born at 25.6 weeks. He cried too when he was born, he was tiny, and he stayed with us for about a week. We were only able to hold him as he passed.....Thinking of you, your husband and your little Ana. (hugs)
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: 3 years ago today

Postby susheli » Fri Apr 29, 2011 02:01 pm

Dear Lisa,
I remember you and your sweet Ana. (we both posted more often in 2009)
Hugs,
Susannah
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