So...I haven't been around in a while because my life is C-R-A-Z-Y! For those of you who "know" us, Ethan will be THREE in 2 weeks. WHAT???? How is my baby turning 3? I will update on him very soon. Right now I feel like I'm losing my mind and no one seems to understand. Ethan still has his trach...lung and airway issues. They said it would be out by his third birthday...WRONG. Good news is that they are still optimistic that it will come out. Bad news...we're probably looking at another year. So, as I get this news the first thing I think is I'm so tired of my baby going through all this. And of course I blame myself for having the medical issues (not PE this time) that caused him to be early. My next thought is...I CAN'T FREAKING DO THIS ANYMORE! I'm so tired of being stressed and tired. It has nothing to do with him...it's the constant nursing schedule, his dad still won't do overnight visits (we're going to court), I've been out of the house with friends 1 time since December. I'm a 32 year old single mom. I want my life back...and a normal life with my son. I feel so selfish for even saying it. There is nothing in this world more important to me than Ethan and his needs. I know that becoming a mom means your children always come first. It's not even that he's hard for me to care for. I love him more than life itself. But when we get bad news and everyone is saying "well, whatever is best for Ethan" I want to scream..."What about me???? When do I get a break????". I don't want to be the "strong mom" or the "strongest person I know" anymore. I want someone to give me a break...to take care of ME! Am I a terrible mom. Does anyone else have kids with medical issues that have ever felt like this?
Compound Heterozygous MTHFR and Lupus Anticoagulant
Momma to two miracles...one in Heaven and one on Earth!
Ella Jade born 13 weeks too soon. Severe PE and HELLP Syndrome. 1lb, 3oz and 11.5in.
5/10/07-5/31/07...My heart, my life, my love
Ethan Jeremy born 12 weeks too soon. Severe IUGR and Oligo. 14.8oz and 9.5in.
Smallest baby to survive our NICU...my sunshine after the rain