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Been a while...am I a terrible mom???

Are you part of the NICU club? Do you have a child who is still struggling with the effects of being born too soon from preeclampsia? Share your concerns and stories here among parents who have been there.

Been a while...am I a terrible mom???

Postby mom2miracles » Tue May 03, 2011 08:18 pm

by mom2miracles (21 Posts), Tue May 03, 2011 08:18 pm

So...I haven't been around in a while because my life is C-R-A-Z-Y! For those of you who "know" us, Ethan will be THREE in 2 weeks. WHAT???? How is my baby turning 3? I will update on him very soon. Right now I feel like I'm losing my mind and no one seems to understand. Ethan still has his trach...lung and airway issues. They said it would be out by his third birthday...WRONG. Good news is that they are still optimistic that it will come out. Bad news...we're probably looking at another year. So, as I get this news the first thing I think is I'm so tired of my baby going through all this. And of course I blame myself for having the medical issues (not PE this time) that caused him to be early. My next thought is...I CAN'T FREAKING DO THIS ANYMORE! I'm so tired of being stressed and tired. It has nothing to do with him...it's the constant nursing schedule, his dad still won't do overnight visits (we're going to court), I've been out of the house with friends 1 time since December. I'm a 32 year old single mom. I want my life back...and a normal life with my son. I feel so selfish for even saying it. There is nothing in this world more important to me than Ethan and his needs. I know that becoming a mom means your children always come first. It's not even that he's hard for me to care for. I love him more than life itself. But when we get bad news and everyone is saying "well, whatever is best for Ethan" I want to scream..."What about me???? When do I get a break????". I don't want to be the "strong mom" or the "strongest person I know" anymore. I want someone to give me a break...to take care of ME! Am I a terrible mom. Does anyone else have kids with medical issues that have ever felt like this?
Nikki (32)
Compound Heterozygous MTHFR and Lupus Anticoagulant

Momma to two miracles...one in Heaven and one on Earth!
Ella Jade born 13 weeks too soon. Severe PE and HELLP Syndrome. 1lb, 3oz and 11.5in.
5/10/07-5/31/07...My heart, my life, my love

Ethan Jeremy born 12 weeks too soon. Severe IUGR and Oligo. 14.8oz and 9.5in.
Smallest baby to survive our NICU...my sunshine after the rain
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Re: Been a while...am I a terrible mom???

Postby trish » Tue May 03, 2011 09:17 pm

by trish (2949 Posts), Tue May 03, 2011 09:17 pm

You are NOT a terrible mom. You are a totally normal mom dealing with extraordinary circumstances!! My girls have no medical issues but I feel like a terrible mom when I snap at mine for being so loud, spend a lot of time of FB, don't read to them enough, fuss at my 3 year old for pooping in her panties - again, am too tired to play barbies - again etc. The list is long. I feel like there are so many people out there who have lost kids or who's kids have cancer and are dealing with terrible stuff that I shouldn't get frustrated with mine over stupid stuff.

But we're all human. I think all moms feel like this and you doing it all alone have even more reason to feel this way. (((HUGS))) I hope you can find some help & have some "me" time soon.
Trish: mama to my 3 PE Princesses:
Elizabeth 11/6/03 induced at 37 weeks for PE
Katie 4/13/05 induced at 38 weeks for PE
Allison 12/27/07 induced at 36 weeks for PE then PP PE & BP issues for over a year
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Re: Been a while...am I a terrible mom???

Postby hols537 » Wed May 04, 2011 05:58 pm

by hols537 (1031 Posts), Wed May 04, 2011 05:58 pm

All the stuff Trish said! Wanting to take care of yourself is actually part of taking care of Ethan. Try to think of it this way. In an airplane crash, they tell the parents to put on their own oxygen masks before putting them on the kids. It goes against instinct, but we need to take care of ourselves to be the best caretakers we can be. There's no shortage of mommy guilt for anyone, but don't be hard on yourself. You've done and are doing wonderful things for Ethan and you're most definitely NOT a terrible mom!
Holly
DS 1 - 2/26/07 (32 weeks, Severe PE, IUGR, Oligo)
DS 2 - 9/13/08 (38 weeks, Folgard, Lovenox, 17P, No PE)
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Re: Been a while...am I a terrible mom???

Postby tracym » Thu May 05, 2011 02:47 am

by tracym (375 Posts), Thu May 05, 2011 02:47 am

Ditto Trish also. You are an amazing Mum, and don't let yourself think otherwise!
Tracy

Jack - 37 weeks Feb '01 (mild PE dx 33 weeks)
Kate - 33 weeks Feb '05 (severe PE dx 31 weeks)
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