Post Reply FAQ Members Login

tough time with Mother's Day

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

tough time with Mother's Day

Postby kerisue » Wed May 04, 2011 03:17 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Wed May 04, 2011 03:17 pm

I have been having a bad week missing Millie a lot and just realized that it's probably because of Mother's Day coming up this weekend. I came across the card my mother gave me last Mother's Day (little did I know then that I was going to give birth in a month!). The card said, "just think how much we'll have to celebrate next mother's day!" Well next mother's day is this mother's day and instead of celebrating with everyone else I'm sad and without my baby who should be a happy healthy 7 mos. old (had she been born when she should have been). Yes, I know I'm a mother regardless, but I'm a childless mother with not much to celebrate. Am I the only one who is struggling with this?
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
User avatar
kerisue
Forum Moderator
 
Posts: 623
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 11:43 pm

Re: tough time with Mother's Day

Postby cmccaffrey » Wed May 04, 2011 03:54 pm

by cmccaffrey (458 Posts), Wed May 04, 2011 03:54 pm

I am right there with you. We announced our pregnancy a few weeks before mothers day to our parents last year, so we got all sorts of little books and cards. This year will seem so unfair and lonely. My husband is out of town too and our whole family lives out of state... I don't know what I am going to do with myself. I guess I will go to church and then go to sleep until Monday when DH comes home. One of my friends is about to deliver her baby (she is also naming her baby Mason)... I bet she will have her baby on Mothers Day and that will be like salt in the wounds. Sorry... I should be more uplifting, but I am pretty bitter when I spend so much time alone. I know we are mothers... just no one else can see us that way because our babies are out of sight and out of their minds.
Christa (25) & J (26)
Mommy to:
Mason born 10.11.10 @ 30+3 wks due to Severe Pre-E. Only lived 2.5 days
Noah born 2.1.12 @ 38 weeks thanks to lots of doctors visits, LDA, Lovenox and no preeclampsia!

learn more about our story... http://tinyurl.com/7a979vy
User avatar
cmccaffrey
Registered User
 
Posts: 458
Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 09:46 pm

Re: tough time with Mother's Day

Postby flori » Wed May 04, 2011 04:15 pm

by flori (225 Posts), Wed May 04, 2011 04:15 pm

You're definitely not the only one, Kerisue. Seeing the Mother's Day balloons at the grocery store made me teary-eyed the other day. It's also rough seeing all of the commercials for Mother's Day gifts or gifts ideas with little kids giving their mommies presents. I was also planning to have my baby shower this Saturday, thinking it'd be fun to celebrate the whole weekend.

Last night my husband and I were out for a walk and he told me that his mom asked if he was going to do anything for me for Mother's Day. He said he was. I had to stop walking because I was crying so hard. I feel like I don't deserve to be called a mother. :(
Flori, 30
Mommy to Gracie- born at 25 weeks 03/15/11, 11 inches, 1.1lbs, and absolutely beautiful. Became my sweet angel the next day.
flori
Registered User
 
Posts: 225
Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 06:21 pm
Location: Hawaii

Re: tough time with Mother's Day

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Wed May 04, 2011 06:23 pm

by holly3372@msn.com (478 Posts), Wed May 04, 2011 06:23 pm

Last mothers day my baby was just a week old. I was so hopeful of him getting well and coming home.I got many cards and gifts like baby boy charms and his initials. I sat in that nicu mothers day and it was so surreal.You are not alone,I have been having a very emotional week as well so far. I am so sorry for your pain,I know you miss Millie I know in our hearts we should all be with our sweet babies. It is very hard each day and each holiday but this one mothers day to people like us that lost their first and only baby is just painful. I am trying to figure out something to do to lift my spirits that day. I am thinking of you all and our babies. xo
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
holly3372@msn.com
Registered User
 
Posts: 478
Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2010 02:03 am

Re: tough time with Mother's Day

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Wed May 04, 2011 06:27 pm

by holly3372@msn.com (478 Posts), Wed May 04, 2011 06:27 pm

Flori,I felt the same way until I read it from you.yes you do deserve to be called a mother.Gracie will always be your baby and you her mommy no matter what. xoxo
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
holly3372@msn.com
Registered User
 
Posts: 478
Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2010 02:03 am

Re: tough time with Mother's Day

Postby fineolin » Wed May 04, 2011 06:37 pm

by fineolin (54 Posts), Wed May 04, 2011 06:37 pm

I am so glad to see this thread. I am feeling the same way. Last year I announced to everyone on Mother's day that I was pregnant. I was exactly 12 weeks at the time. I was so happy. I felt so blessed. I feel so angry and alone right now. I am dreading this Sunday. I have made the decision that I will only call my mother and wish her a happy mother's day. She lives in Florida, so I can only give her a phone call. I just cannot bear to call my friends and family on this day. I am sorry, but, I feel that I am entitled to be selfish. I am not going to feel bad about not calling others. Its bad enough I do not know what I am going to do with myself. Its not like I can go to a restaurant or even watch TV. This whole thing, just SUCKS!!! I am so mad that I could scream. AHAHAHAH!!! OK, I feel better. Thank goodness I can come here and express my feelings.
Marjorie (39)
Miscarriage at 8 weeks (2006)
Had to terminate pregnancy at 22.5 weeks, July 2010 , due to Pre-e.
Miss my baby girl, Hailey rose everyday. I will never give up.
Pregnant again, due in July. Dear God, I leave it in your hands. I feel so blessed.
Miscarried at 8.5 weeks. Devastated and Sad.
fineolin
Registered User
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011 08:43 pm

Re: tough time with Mother's Day

Postby joker » Thu May 05, 2011 11:01 am

by joker (1212 Posts), Thu May 05, 2011 11:01 am

It's been almost 4 years since I lost Abby and I do now have my earthside girl too, but Mother's Day is still hard. I find that I just don't really feel like celebrating, that I would rather stay in bed and just watch mind numbing tv. Tune it out is what I like to do, but that just isn't so easy. Big hugs.
Jen-type 1 diabetic
Abigail-born still June 29, 2007; PE/HELLP @ 18 weeks
Alison-4/17/2009; PE/HELLP @ 34 weeks
joker
Registered User
 
Posts: 1212
Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:55 am

Re: tough time with Mother's Day

Postby m » Thu May 05, 2011 11:24 pm

by m (140 Posts), Thu May 05, 2011 11:24 pm

I agree with joker. Even with my one year old, Mother's Day makes me sad. People expect me to celebrate and I hate having to explain that I'm not going to do anything. I wish the whole thing would go away, but it's everywhere. I will be glad when it's over.
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
User avatar
m
Registered User
 
Posts: 140
Joined: Tue Jun 16, 2009 05:43 pm

Re: tough time with Mother's Day

Postby uncskristy » Fri May 06, 2011 09:34 am

by uncskristy (171 Posts), Fri May 06, 2011 09:34 am

I am glad to see this thread as well. I am having a hard time right now too between Mother's Day and what would have been Cooper's first birthday. Last Mother's Day, I was clueless that I was developing PE and what was about to happen two weeks later. Its so unfair. I am so ready for June to get here.
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
uncskristy
Registered User
 
Posts: 171
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2010 11:24 am
Location: North Carolina

Re: tough time with Mother's Day

Postby jean » Sat May 07, 2011 04:27 pm

by jean (675 Posts), Sat May 07, 2011 04:27 pm

I am having a HORRIBLE time as well. Today just confirmed that I CANNOT be around babies. I have avoided them for the past year and a half. Today I was stuck in a store b/c my mom and I ran into a friend of hers with her daughter and her baby....I was so uncomfortable, I wanted to run away, and they didn't talk about him, but just being there...I couldn't handle it..I thought about excusing myself but didn't want to be rude. I toughed it out...while they had baby things in their shopping basket I had a memorial cross in mine. As soon as the conversation was done I fell apart. People can't understand that I just can't handle it. I'm fine when I'm not around other babies. Oh, and in closing they said "Happy Mother's Day", which I'm sure was aimed at my mom...but I just took the whole thing horribly. That's like a knife in the heart...happy mother's day...mother's day kills me...
Our first son was born and passed in Feb of 2010. Born at 29 weeks due to HELLP and passed due to NEC. We miss him every day. :~(

Our second son was born at 39 weeks gestation in Nov of 2011. No HELLP or pre-e! Took LDA starting at week 12 and went off of it at week 38!

http://findingtherainbowconnection.blogspot.com/
User avatar
jean
Registered User
 
Posts: 675
Joined: Sun Mar 28, 2010 01:03 pm

Next

Return to Grief and Loss

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron