I'm finally back

[trish9]

Hi Sarah,
I'm glad that you got all of your testing back, and your kidney function is stable which is great. Sounds like we would both have Lovenox in our futures! When do you see your nephrologist? Hopefully you get the green light from that standpoint. It is a tough decision to make. I still have some anxiety, but the need to TTC again is stronger than my fears. Hopefully you and your husband can come to a decision that you are both comfortable with.
I do want to ask you about the adoption process. It's something that I have thought about, although my husband has not really wanted to consider it up to this point. Were you and your husband looking at domestic and/or international adoption? What is looking grimmer about it? Is the waiting list getting longer? I know very little about adoption and wonder, where do I even begin to learn about it? I'm hopeful that I can get pregnant and bring our baby home this time, but if that doesn't happen I guess I need to learn about our other options as we really really want to be parents. We have looked a little at gestational carriers, but I don't know how I really feel about that process. Is that something that you have considered?

Trish

[sarahkm]

Trish,

I have seen my nephrologist. Basically all my doctors say they will be ready if we decide to go ahead and TTC. They are not necessarily giving me the green light but they are not completely against it. I think they realize that we have been waiting to adopt for 3 years and are understanding that we may be willing to take the risk. They obviously know that it is my decision and they are just making sure I know their concerns.
I need to talk to my nephrologist and MFM more about the test results to better understand what it means to be 5G/5G.
My husband is not thrilled that I would need to give myself injections for most of the pregnancy. Somehow I'll manage. I'm a veterinarian who uses needles daily on dogs and cats, but I'm not too great with them when they are being used on me.

Adoption....where to start...
We are on a waiting list for domestic open adoption. Right now we are #2 on the list (we've been on the list for over 2 years) which unfortunately doesn't mean much. At the time when we were put on the list the average wait time for a match was 8 months and no longer than 18 months. A match means that a birthmother selects us to be the adoptive parents, but she is allowed to change her mind anytime including after the birth. Our profile has been showed many times but so far the birthmothers haven't picked us. We just don't seem to have that "thing" that they want. More of the issue recently, is that they are working with many more African American mothers and we have decided that we are not comfortable adopting an African American baby. So, if you are open to adopting biracial or african american newborns, you will have a faster placement. We stayed with domestic adoption because we prefer to adopt an infant. That may have to change...
International adoption seems to have become more difficult also. Some countries have closed their doors to adoption. It has gone from 2 years wait to adopt a child from China to about a 4 to 5 year wait.
We briefly considered surrogacy but it would end up being much more expensive since you can go through several IVF cycles before it takes. At that time the doctor was concerned that my kidneys would be affected by the drugs needed to donate eggs.

Hope that helps! Sarah

[trish9]

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for sharing your experiences about adoption. I'm sorry that it sounds like it has been a long and frustrating time. We are still hopeful that we might be able to have a baby on our own, but I am trying to be realistic as well. I'm going to broach the subject of IVF meds, as a route to possible surrogacy, with my nephrologist and see what he thinks. We hadn't discussed it before since fertility had not been one of our (many!) issues.
Good luck with finding out more about the 5G/5G mutation and hope that they have some answers for you. I don't think anyone wants an underlying condition, but if it turns out that you have one that can be managed with meds maybe that will be more encouraging to try again?

[laceyrn]

Can I ask how you chose which adoption agency to go with and how much it cost? Is it a state or national agency? I had HELLP with my first child and was told not to have anymore. I would like domestic adoption also because I would really like an infant, but I'm scared about the mother changing their mind and the cost.

[sarahkm]

Wow, a lot has changed since I wrote that post about adoption! I am now 7 months pregnant and doing very well. Absolutely no signs of preeclampsia yet. They plan to have me deliver before my due date to make sure things don't go haywire again. My kidney numbers are very close to normal now due to being pregnant and my blood pressure is controlled with a very low dose of BP meds.
We were still with the same adoption agency when I got pregnant and are now on their "inactive" list. Thankfully they have a new staff and are becoming much busier with birthmothers due to some good marketing efforts. It is an independent agency in the Chicagoland area. We chose them due to knowing people at church who used them and they had a very good reputation at that time (6 years ago). Since being listed the staff at the agency has completely changed twice. We have always wanted at least 2 kids, so we may go back after our son in born in August and look closer at special needs international China adoption.
Costs vary between agencies, but to give you an rough idea...I think we would have ended up putting out around $25,000 in the end.
I don't know if you've been to any seminars or information sessions about domestic adoption, but completely educating yourself about it is a must. Research each agency and go to several information sessions. It was a rigorous process for us to be accepted and then there is all the paperwork before being put on the list of potential adoptive parents. The agency had us take personality tests, go through 2 or more interviews, etc., etc.
I hope that helps! I would also consider getting a second opinion about whether or not to get pregnant again! I wish we started TTC again more than 2 years ago! Have you talked with a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist? Many who had HELLP and went on to have successful pregnancies are on these forums.
Sarah