by bordergurl72 (88 Posts), Mon May 09, 2011 10:28 am
My daughter just turned 6, and since she was 2 I have wanted another, but like many of us, been terrified of trying and having pre-e/HELLP again and worse. So after many years of thinking and meeting with two different MFMs, we were ready to try again..or technically...not try, not prevent, and just see what happens. I am going t be 39 this summer, so really if it doesn't happen this year, I decided I would be done. My MFM told me he would recommend LDA, and that is it.
So, this month, I was 3 days late and convinced I must be pg, and all the sudden I freaked, feeling like if I am pg, it is going to be like a "death sentence" and what if my daughter becomes motherless because I am trying to give her a sibling. I couldn't sleep or eat thinking I was pg and that my body would go out of control, and what was I doing putting my health in danger by letting this happen. And then the rational side of me sees that so may women get pg every day and so may have healthy babies, and why I am freaked out about something completely natural!? I should be excited about growing life inside me and finally havig a chance for the second baby I have always wanted.
I took a pg test and was shaking, and when it was negative I was thrilled and said to myself that I am fine with one. And of course now that it has been a day, I am a bit sentimental again that I am not pg.
Am I the only one who thinks like this? I feel like I am crazy when I feel that way, and have such extreme anxiety. I am not sure if it is valid at all, or I am just so anxiety-ridden because it has been over 6 years since I have been pg and that in itself scares me, pre-e/HELLP or not.
I really, really want another, but the pg part terrifies me. Since having HELLP I have major health anxiety so put myself in a possible health issue scenario is so scary to me. I wish I could get the baby without being pg, but money won't allow for adoption or surrogacy, trust me, if it did, I would have done it by now.
And now, do I make an appt for my DH to get the big V...or is there any possible way I will be able to handle a pg??
Thanks for reading.
Daughter born March 2005 at 38 weeks at only 4 1/2 lbs. by emergency c-section. Severe PE, HELLP & IUGR.
36 weeks of carefree PG, then it all went downhill and had an excruciating 2 weeks of pain and brushing off by Dr's until being properly diagnosed and delivered at 38 weeks. Since then have been diagnosed with celiac (2009) and Hashimoto's (2011).
Terrified to TTC, but really want to TTC.