This kind of stuff really irks me. So many times when a woman is having health issues, her doctor asks her if she's anxious or stressed--and then she's told to relax, as if that cures everything! This is a kind of magical thinking that is really insidious and harmful. When everything started happening with me in my pregnancy, one of my doctors asked this very thing. My response was, well, yes, I'm anxious, but I didn't start off that way, and my anxiety is not causing
these things to happen. I'm anxious because
these things are happening and I feel something is wrong! But I was blown off.
Heart disease is the number 1 killer of women just like it is for men, and yet, when women are having chest pain they get asked if they're anxious and told to "just relax." When men have chest pain, it is treated as an emergency (as it should be). Even today, women's ailments are written off as hysterical imaginings, and we are told if we continue to be "hysterical" it will cause disease. In other words, it's all our fault.
So many women around the world face challenging, stressful situations and have perfectly healthy babies. I really resent the implication that, because someone may have been worried or stressed or is "having negative thoughts" during her pregnancy, she killed her baby. Or that, because she thought only good thoughts and turned her home into a spa-like environment, her baby lived. Total. Bull.
I let others convince me that I was just being a worry wart and that everything would be fine. But it wasn't. If only magical thinking worked. If only I could just be Miss Sunshine or Pollyanna and have everything be okay and have my baby be alive. If only it were that easy.Never again
. Never again will I let someone blow sunshine up my butt (stole that expression from someone else) when my intuition is telling me something is wrong.
Yes, I'm angry today. I'm so angry that my baby died. I'm so angry that no one listened to me when I tried to express concern. And I'm so angry at myself that I suppressed my own voice and listened to others' instead.
Uh-oh, I better stop being angry and just calm down, otherwise I might get cancer or something.
Mommy to Molly, who was born alive on Oct. 29, 2011 at 23+3 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia/HELLP syndrome and passed away 3 hours later. Loved and missed every minute of every day...."If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."