I need...

[cmccaffrey]

A day out of my head. Today my husband and I went and had a picnic in a park and then did a lap on the walk path. It was so nice to spend time together since he works so much, but then I saw a perfectly precious little boy (probably 2 years old) watching a baseball game and just lost it. I try so hard to not let it get me, but I just can't believe I will be going through life not watching Mason do all those things. Wont get to see him crawl, see his first steps, see and hear him speak his first words, see him play with other children or even see him admire the big boys playing sports.... It's just so painful. I know you guys understand. I just feel so terrible though because all I can do is come home and cry. I wish I weren't so emotional for my husband, but I just feel like I am missing out on so much and it breaks my heart.

[kerisue]

That gets me too Christa... that this loss is not just something we have to "get through" but something that will be with us forever. A friend was talking about her college age daughter and how she's risking a lot socially by supporting a particular cause and I just thought- I'll never know what things Millie would have valued, what causes she would have cared about, what subjects would have interested her down the line. So much we will miss out on and so much they will miss out on too. Don't you feel resentful too that you can't enjoy a day at the park like you used to? I've had some fun times since Millie died, but even in the midst of laughing there's a part of me still thinking of her and my broken heart. Maybe it's because our losses are still pretty fresh. I'm willing to bet your hubby isn't sitting there wishing you would cry less- he's probably wishing he could do something to make it better (which of course he can't really). Hang in there lady.

[Shannonlynn]

Hi Ladies,I am going through the same stuff. My son Fritzy was born on May 6th, at 24 weeks. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I can't go to the store, the park, anywhere without seeing pregnant women, babies, and children. I constantly think of all the things my husband and I will miss out on. I feel paralyzed. I am constantly trying to find something to take my mind off of the loss, but it doesn't work. Family and friends continue to urge me to take care of myself in order to restore my health but sometimes it really doesn't matter to me. I know eventually I will feel better but for now it is very raw and it is not going away.I have optimism about getting pregnant again, but that is tempered with a bit of anxiety. And, that is a ways in the future.