Houseplant Problem

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Houseplant Problem

Postby m » Thu May 26, 2011 00:32 am

Some members of my husband's extended family sent a houseplant to our son's memorial service. This was over two years ago and I just recently got up the courage to tell my husband that I despise this plant. It has to be watered frequently or it gets very droopy and I feel like it's this constant, looming, demanding thing which forces me to think about our horrible loss at times when I might otherwise not be focusing on it. I have hated having it around ever since we brought it home. Hubby is kind of attached to it, mainly because it was from his family, I think. So when I told him that I really want to get rid of it he said he would think about it. Now, weeks later, I brought it up again and he said to do whatever I want, but I think he's not completely on board with getting rid of it. So I can't decide what to do. I really hate even looking at it, so having him water it isn't a great solution. I have already put it away in a spare room since it's "mildly toxic" to children and DD likes to put everything in her mouth. It seems like most of the people on the boards like to keep pictures and mementos displayed in their homes and would treasure something like this, but that's just not for us. I have a chest full of things that I saved, but it's just too painful for me to keep things out.

Another thing about the plant. These family members would have had to drive about 8 hours to attend the service. I know that's a long drive, it was on a Monday which was a holiday, so I was kind of surprised that some of them didn't come. I haven't told Hubby this, but I feel kind of resentful that they didn't come. I'm sure that if one of the older children in the family died, there would be no question that every family member would attend the memorial. I know I really need to get over this, but I can't help feeling this way.

I hate that I'm wasting so much energy worrying about this stupid plant. I really, really want it to go away, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do since my husband seems to want to keep it. I have a close friend who would re-home it for us somewhere that I wouldn't have to see it again. Then we wouldn't have to throw it away. I think he would feel better about that.

Somebody please tell me I'm not crazy to hate a plant!
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: Houseplant Problem

Postby kerisue » Thu May 26, 2011 08:03 am

I don't think you're crazy at all. If it was just you I would say get rid of it now. But it's not just you, it has meaning to your hubby who experienced a loss as bad as yours. Could he take it to work so he could still have it but you wouldn't have to see it or care for it? Or maybe your friend could take it so he'd know it was still being cared for- that sounds like a good compromise. As for the relatives, I would feel resentful about that too. Of course they should have come!
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: Houseplant Problem

Postby uncskristy » Thu May 26, 2011 08:14 am

You are absolutely not crazy to hate that plant! Does your husband have an office at work that he can take it to so he can enjoy it but you don't have to see it? It represents the disappointment and pain of not having relatives recognize your child's death the way they would others. Also you are not alone in your feelings right now. I was actually getting on the site to post about a frustration with family members that I am going through currently :)
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
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Re: Houseplant Problem

Postby cmccaffrey » Thu May 26, 2011 12:17 am

I would try to subtly move it towards the front door a little more every day and eventually put it out on the front porch. I would not even say anything.... hahaha. In all seriousness though, I understand why you hate it and I hope you and your husband can come to some sort of agreement.
Christa (25) & J (26)
Mommy to:
Mason born 10.11.10 @ 30+3 wks due to Severe Pre-E. Only lived 2.5 days
Noah born 2.1.12 @ 38 weeks thanks to lots of doctors visits, LDA, Lovenox and no preeclampsia!

learn more about our story... http://tinyurl.com/7a979vy
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Re: Houseplant Problem

Postby sam10 » Fri May 27, 2011 02:36 pm

Just a thought....can your husband take this plant to work and have it there (granted he works in an office type place). This way it's out of your sight and he can enjoy it and take care of it....
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: Houseplant Problem

Postby angieb » Sun May 29, 2011 10:51 am

Good suggestion about your dh bringing it to work. Or put dh in charge of watering it (in my case that would= dead plant but then it's on him.)
Me (29) DH (30)
#1-Olivia Caetlyn-9-28-09-9-28-09, 23+2 wks, emergency classic c-section, class I HELLP, IUGR
#2- Lucas Oliver (rainbow baby)- April 2011, 36+2 wks, HELLP and pre-e free! (lovenox and LDA pregnancy)
#3-Matthew, late October 2012...mostly normal, 37 wks, (lovenox and LDA again)
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