Need to snap out of it....

[brismom]

I can relate.

[jgrumet]

What does your husband think about another baby? I know you said that he was against adoption, but is he all for another pregnancy?

My husband wanted more biological children after my HELLP syndrome pregnancy and I said no way. We were already planning on adopting and my mental state was so poor I was able to talk him into a vasectomy.

100% of people tried to talk us out of it, but there was no way (healthy pregnancy or not) I was going to be pregnant again ( I HATED being pregnant).... I had one baby and I was happy. I have not had an ounce of regret. I am not sure about my husband. He pretends like is not a big deal, but I think it secretly bothers him.

The only reason I'm saying this is do what you what you feel is right. If you are aching for another baby, make it happen! There are so many options for you - you can even get a surrogate if too much time passes without getting pregnant. If you are open to adoption you should really have your husband look into it before he says no. I could get you in touch with the right people that you can talk to about domestic and international adoption.

If you only want a natural pregnancy, I definitely think you aren't too old for it to happen. My sister just had her fifth baby and she is 39 (and my grandma was 44 when she had my mom).....I would say once you're pregnant find some good positive people through this site (or any other way) that had HELLP, put them on speed dial, and stay off these boards for nine months.

[caryn]

No one goes into these subsequent pregnancies blithely. I wish we could. And I can't really think of *anyone* who says she felt ready!

Jamie, we're pretty positive around here, too - we quote all sorts of cheery statistics about low recurrence rates and having it generally be milder, and later, if it does show up again. Knowledge is power. We just won't let anyone endorse magic and we discourage supplementing unproven stuff on the grounds that it could hurt - and we really, really don't want anyone blaming herself for Not Doing It Right, whether that means she didn't hang around sufficiently cheery people or that she didn't make it to a pre-conception appointment because she had a surprise pregnancy.

[jgrumet]

Oh Caryn, I know you guys aren't always down in the dumps (I'm still checking back in because of it)....but I was just saying find some supportive people on the board and contact them directly, rather than hanging around the board looking at scary statistics (which is what she said she was doing, and what is so tempting to do, especially during a potentially scary pregnancy)- I know of a few posters who cooled off the board during their next pregnancies because sometimes hearing the stories and statistics when you're back gestating- can be a little much to handle.

[brismom]

I can relate.

[jgrumet]

Yeah, counseling is probably a good idea. I actually should go do that, but I have a fear of seeing doctors (even ones that don't take your blood pressure) which is another good reason to seek counseling.

In the past three years (since having my son) I have diagnoses myself with:
ALS
MS
every imaginable kind of cancer (if there is a spot that can get cancer, I have thought I have it)- from ocular melanoma to lymphoma
heart disease (of all kinds) from hypertension to an enlarged heart
pituitary tumor
thyroid disease
parathyroid disease
discoid lupus
adrenal gland tumor
lymes disease
parkinsons...

I'd like to point out that I am 25 5'3" 100lbs and and when I think logically, I'm in awesome health. It's clearly my brain that is sick.

if there was a pill to get me to stop worrying, I would take it. I am generally against any kind of anti-depressants or sedatives, but I finally let my doctor prescribe xanax for me so they could see if it would help me not have a panic attack when they take my blood pressure. I fall asleep with a mild dose and I quadrupled my dose before my appointment. Didn't work. My body still knew to go into a full fledged panic attack.


I think you are definitely right that you know too much. That is what my sister says about me. my sister and I both are prone to health related (or really any kind of) anxiety, but mine got bad when I actually had something wrong. We have a lot of doctors in our immediate family and I definitely think that being so close to people in the medical field has made it worse. Since you're in the medical field yourself, you have it worse than me!

Keep me posted on your counseling! It is nice to hear someone else going through the same thing as me

[brismom]

I can relate.

[jgrumet]

Are you in an area where there is a lot of Lyme? It is so funny, after you said you were going to be tested for it I secretly thought I might have it too....

I also think it is funny that she told you to get tested for that because she did. I've had so many people try to tell me they think I have what they have, but I never do...and I'll convince myself they are right and go get an appointment proclaiming to my doctor that I have a new disease. sigh...

I skipped being worried about chronic fatigue and fibro- because those seem to be hard to diagnose and you don't die from them. So they never made it on my list of diseases.

I'm not saying you don't really have it, I'm sure you do. I just never put the less deadly diseases on my short list.

Do you have white coat syndrome? I do. Most of the time a new nurse or tech gets really freaked out when she sees my HR. Lately it has been REALLY bad. I had a bad tech that I am convinced took my blood pressure wrong manually and told me it was 150/70. Then took it again and it was 130/74, but told me that was way too high for me...but the second time she took it I was so panicked there is no way it would be lower than the first. I made an appointment with my doctor two times and he just told me my blood pressure is so low when I'm not having a panic attack I'll faint if they give me anything. I hate the cuff with a passion.......It's weird if I'm mad or stressed out at home my blood pressure is totally normal, but if I have a panic attack thinking I'm dying or at the doctor where i feel like I need to pass the test it shoots up. Always prehypertension, but of course, that still scares me.

Oh also, have you been tested for all the underlying disorders? That is a good idea.

[brismom]

I can relate.

[jgrumet]

Oh my goodness! It is awful about your dog! I will be praying for him and definitely for you not to go broke. Have you looked into dog insurance? I worked at a really well known vets office in college, as a tech, and I am here to tell you 99.9% are crooks....even the one I worked at was awful. I remember them doing surgeries on dogs for "table surfing" (eating everything on the table)- when there was no blockage and just said there was. Our dog never gave us any problems, but my Savannah cat almost died when I was in Ghana ($2300 he was fine :-/ ) and my African Serval (I'm into exotic animals I guess) almost died when he caught pneumonia as a 6 week old kitten on the flight into LAX ($2000 later he was okay)...That is why we are only keeping beta fish from now on. $2 replacement and no vet bills.

Yeah my hr has always been around 90, but my doctors never worried about it because of my size. At home It has been in the 70s to 80s lately (any change makes me think i'm dying) but I think it may be my hormones since I've cooled it on the breastfeeding. Oh, but when my bp is taken at the doctor (or when I'm nervous at home) it can be anywhere from 120- 140bpm. That is REALLY fun to look at.
Funny, my family has mitral valve prolapse- I'm pretty sure I have it too, they're never able to catch anything weird with my heart, but during hormonal shifts I can feel it "dropping" and a feeling like I need to cough. It is hard to explain, but anyone who has it knows what I'm talking about. The doctor won't give me a beta blocker, but maybe I should push for one. He doesn't like giving out medication when he feels it isn't needed- so that is actually what I like about him.

Oh MS, man that one still scares me. I started twitching all over when my son was about 14 months old. I was sure that was the end of it for me. I still twitch randomly, but it goes away, and it is definitely brought on my stress and hormones. My neurologist said all of the chronic worrying and stress my body has been under has screwed up my cortisol levels so bad I'm twitching and hypersensitive. Maybe that set off your fibro?

I think prehypertension is just anything over 120/80, but under 140/90. Yours sounds like erratic changes in bp from nerves. At home my bp is kind of amazing. I don't mind if I have chronic hypertension, but I hope to get it when I'm a lot older (my mom is slightly hypertensive and got it around 55) and I really want them to catch it before damage is done. I think that is the scariest thing to me...you hear on shows like "mystery diagnosis" (That show messed me up so bad when I see the name when I'm flipping through channels I have to close my eyes when I land on it so I don't even get a glimpse of the show info for that episode) that it was too late and if the only caught it sooner...like everyone is missing something. Ugh so stupid.

What does fibro feel like? I've read the description, but mayo clinic doesn't give personal detail. Does it just hurt all over?