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We've made our decision...

Are you considering having another child after preeclampsia? Trying again after preeclampsia can be an emotional challenge. You can find support with others who share your concerns here.

We've made our decision...

Postby libby123 » Fri Jun 24, 2011 08:01 pm

by libby123 (111 Posts), Fri Jun 24, 2011 08:01 pm

This decision has been agonizing, but after weighing the pros and cons, we have come to a decision:
We are "one and done". We aren't going to conceive again, I will not be pregnant again.

Here is why:
1.)We luckily came through our first pregnancy okay with the pre-e, and we HAVE a healthy daughter. We have our baby.
2.) Knowing the risks of getting pre-e again, I don't want to risk the chance of leaving my daughter without a mommy or by negatively affecting her by being on bedrest for months on end like I was before. My husband works 16 hours a day and relies on me to care for her, if I couldn't, our family unit would suffer greatly.
3.) I don't want to risk my health.

However we also had many cons:
1.) Our daughter will grow up without siblings and will not have siblings to support her when she is older.
2.) My husband will never have a son.
3.) We will always feel like our family is "unfinished" in a way, we had always dreamed of having 2.

But the pros won out, and we aren't going to conceive again. I will still hang out here on the boards and support those of you who are going to try again! Thank you for your support :)
Mommy to Sailor Ann, born on February 17th 2011 at 36 weeks by c-section due to PIH that slowly turned into preeclampsia.
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Re: We've made our decision...

Postby uncskristy » Sat Jun 25, 2011 04:23 am

by uncskristy (170 Posts), Sat Jun 25, 2011 04:23 am

I know that was a difficult decision to make. And Kudos to you for taking everything into consideration
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
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Re: We've made our decision...

Postby lornarose » Sat Jun 25, 2011 02:01 pm

by lornarose (68 Posts), Sat Jun 25, 2011 02:01 pm

Dear Libby
Thankyou for posting your decision. I find your comments very interesting and helpful. I have still not decided yet whether I am going to go through the worry of PE again. I, like you, have a healthy daughter and I am very grateful for her. I also worry how I would cope with a complicated pregnancy especially when I have my little girl to factor into the equation now. My sister, who did not get PE has decided to have just one baby due to an emergency c section and a wound that subsequently became infected. She is terrified of another c section. I do think that a lot of women are 'done with one' due to traumatic birth experiences, not just PE women.Today, I am 80/20 in favour of being 'done at one' but this changes all the time. I have given myself until January of next year to finalise my decision. The door will close then and will not re-open. I commend you on your honesty and also for posting your most private inner thoughts. I wish you and DH many years of happiness with your precious little girl.
Momma to Emma born 34wplus 3 ,October, 2010,due to severe preeclampsia and IUGR.In NICU due to low birth weight and suspected sepsis, home after nearly 4 weeks.
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Re: We've made our decision...

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Sat Jun 25, 2011 06:29 pm

by holly3372@msn.com (478 Posts), Sat Jun 25, 2011 06:29 pm

Libby,
Thank you for sharing. I know this was not easy to decide. I am not in your exact situation but I know in my heart I would do the same if I were. We are going to try again after having pre-e only because we lost our only son after 4 months in the NICU. I ask for one healthy child in this lifetime...one and done. I am also 39 years old now so time is not on my side. After this if we are blessed enough to have a take home baby and want more we will look into foster/adoption.
Again,thank you for sharing I truly feel your decision was selfless and true. Sending love to you and your beautiful family xo
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: We've made our decision...

Postby flori » Sat Jun 25, 2011 07:36 pm

by flori (225 Posts), Sat Jun 25, 2011 07:36 pm

I agree with everyone, it is very brave of you to come to such a decision and thank you for sharing. My husband and I are also going to try again, largely due to losing Gracie. Had she survived, I think I would be happy with :( one as well.

We have agreed that if the worse happens again we will be done and look into surrogacy and/or adoption. Sometimes I feel robbed out of the experience of having a big family with lots of children. I was at Target recently and the family in line behind my husband and me had 5 young kids. I was so jealous. How can it be so easy for some but so difficult for others? :(
Flori, 30
Mommy to Gracie- born at 25 weeks 03/15/11, 11 inches, 1.1lbs, and absolutely beautiful. Became my sweet angel the next day.
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Re: We've made our decision...

Postby libby123 » Sat Jun 25, 2011 09:52 pm

by libby123 (111 Posts), Sat Jun 25, 2011 09:52 pm

Thank you all for your ongoing support. It means the world to communicate with other ladies who have also had pre-e.

To those of you who lost your little ones due to pre-e, my heart breaks for you. I cannot even begin to possibly imagine your pain. It is so unfair. If I had lost my daughter to pre-e, I would want to try again too as I wouldn't have a baby and I wouldn't have to worry about leaving her without a mommy. But I am still grieving, knowing I won't have the family I always assumed I would have.

Flori - I also look at the moms with all those kids with jealousy, as I won't get to have any more. It is a strange feeling, to have just my daughter, and I will always wonder what would have happened if we had more. Our situations are so different, and yet in some small ways they are similar.

Lornarose - It is such a personal decision. The risks that I won't take may be acceptable risks for others. I hope that you find your decision and can have some peace with it. I had an unplanned c-section, and the recovery was awful. I am only 26 years old, but no other birth control has worked for us, so we need to go with a permanent solution.

Thanks again for all your support ladies :)
Mommy to Sailor Ann, born on February 17th 2011 at 36 weeks by c-section due to PIH that slowly turned into preeclampsia.
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Re: We've made our decision...

Postby jenprzygoda » Sun Jun 26, 2011 08:57 pm

by jenprzygoda (103 Posts), Sun Jun 26, 2011 08:57 pm

Libby,
I appreciate you sharing your decision. It is one that I (and my husband) have spent a lot of time thinking about. Your pro and con list looks just like mine and it is so agonizing. I know that my husband doesn't see the cons exactly the same as I do - I don't think he ever realized that just how sick I actually was. It was reassuring to me to know that someone else sees the same pros and cons that I do. I wish that I could find the strength that you have to make a decision. It is something so personal and I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your sharing. Thanks!
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Re: We've made our decision...

Postby rwpokluda » Sun Jun 26, 2011 11:33 pm

by rwpokluda (26 Posts), Sun Jun 26, 2011 11:33 pm

Libby you said you were on bed rest. How long was it for and when did you start and end? Just wondering bc they told me that if my bp goes up I will be put on BR and if it goes up after 20 weeks and can not be controlled with just meds it will be BR in the hospital. What was yours? Thanks. My son was 25 weeks, 2 weeks behind on growth due to my severe Pre-e and severe HELLP. He is 3 now and after all my tests coming back neg for any underlying disorders I think we are going to go for it. I had the same list as you in pros and cons and after talking with 2 diff specialists I feel like my Pre-e can be better "controlled" or pre-treated so that I can make it farther....at least that is what we pray for. still makes me nervous of course.
Janna
[color=#FF00BF]Janna
Mommy to Blake born April 26, 2008 at 25 wks 1 lb. 4 oz, 11 in., due to severe Pre-E and severe HELLP, healthy 3 year old boy now![/color]
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Re: We've made our decision...

Postby libby123 » Tue Jul 05, 2011 08:13 pm

by libby123 (111 Posts), Tue Jul 05, 2011 08:13 pm

Janna,

Sorry it took so long to respond, I didn't see your post until now! I was on modified bedrest at 29/30 weeks, and strict bed rest at 32 weeks. Bedrest really, really worked for me. When I laid on my left side, my blood pressure dropped significantly. When I sat up, it spiked, same as when I stood up. Because I had the slow moving PIH that eventually developed into pre-e, I was able to fend off the pre-e until almost 36 weeks. My proteins rose very slowly and finally they reached the point where they could be considered pre-e.

So to answer your question, I was on some form of bed rest for 7 weeks, but strict for 4 weeks.
Mommy to Sailor Ann, born on February 17th 2011 at 36 weeks by c-section due to PIH that slowly turned into preeclampsia.
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Re: We've made our decision...

Postby Brysonsmomma » Wed Jul 06, 2011 12:46 am

by Brysonsmomma (7 Posts), Wed Jul 06, 2011 12:46 am

I envy you making the decison you did. I'm struggling with this right now. Not knowing what to do.
Bryson, my 28 week preemie born due to severe preeclampsia.
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