I am SO darn MAD!

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I am SO darn MAD!

Postby anrmacon » Fri Jun 17, 2011 12:44 am

I really like this particular blog thing (no, I'm not techno savvy- lol) that talks about birth. Induction came up and many people are not for it, understandably. So, this one girl asks, well, what if you have preeclampsia. So, I chimed in with the whole if you have PE, you need to have your baby & blah, blah, blah. So did many others. Then, this one person brings up a question about why, if you are soooo sick, don't they just do a csection instead of labor? I can handle that, even the condescending tone that implies she believes PE is a figment of our imagination. Yeah, it irked me, but the others are intelligent enough to deal with that. What really (can we cuss on here? 'cause I really feel like using a 4 letter word right now!) got to me is when she mentioned reading something by a natural birth doc (one I admire, btw) that basically said PE is linked to a mother's emotional state during pregnancy. Translation- if we were happy and peaceful during our pregnancies, we would not get sick. I don't have the words. I'm flabbergasted. I'm so furious I'm seeing red. How dare anyone imply that if we fart rainbows and practice yoga, we would not deal with PE?! That takes ignorance into a whole new realm. As someone who has had PE not once or twice or even three times...oh, no, I've had it 4 times!!- I take exception to this. As someone who has heard your stories, who has heard the stories of those who lost their babies or their own lives, to imply that we could prevent this....I just really I don't know.

Someone, help me put this into perspective. Or just commisserate with me so I don't feel like such a bad person for wanting to slap someone-hard. Maybe twice. :(
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Re: I am SO darn MAD!

Postby flori » Fri Jun 17, 2011 03:52 pm

You are not a bad person for feeling upset. It's frustrating when people who have never experienced PE try to speak on it. My MIL told me that I wouldn't have gotten it if I ate gluten-free/raw foods before and during pregnancy. It led to me feeling so guilty about my eating habits, even though I was following the pregnancy diet for the most part.

If I read the things you read I would feel angry as well. I was under a lot of stress at work early in my pregnancy because I had just been promoted. Everytime I found myself frustrated I would worry about the baby. After Gracie died I came across a thread on here that also mentioned that stress might be related to PE and I felt even more guilty! I still struggle with a lot of guilt over things I did or did not do, it's just something I'll have to deal with, I guess.

I'm not sure if anyone lives in a fairytale world where they can be sunshiney happy all of the time, but if there is such a place, I'll book my ticket asap. I would love to be able to prevent this from happening again.
Flori, 30
Mommy to Gracie- born at 25 weeks 03/15/11, 11 inches, 1.1lbs, and absolutely beautiful. Became my sweet angel the next day.
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Re: I am SO darn MAD!

Postby caryn » Fri Jun 17, 2011 04:32 pm

This is why we have outreach to medical providers as well as to patients. There's a constellation of beliefs around pregnancy that are a) self-reinforcing and b) wrong. And they lead to blaming the victim. I'm actually delighted that you are angry, because it means you don't hold those beliefs any more - your beliefs do a much better job of mapping reality!
Science! The articles you don't want to miss:
The Preeclampsia Puzzle (New Yorker) and Silent Struggle: A New Theory of Pregnancy (New York Times)
Looking for recent articles and studies? Lectures from researchers?
A chance to participate in research? For us on Facebook or Twitter?

Caryn, @carynjrogers, who is not a doctor and who talks about science stuff *way* too much
DS Oscar born by emergent C-section at 34 weeks for fetal indicators, due to severe PE
DD Bridget born by C-section after water broke at 39 weeks after a healthy pregnancy
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Re: I am SO darn MAD!

Postby uncskristy » Tue Jun 28, 2011 10:18 am

anrmacon wrote:Someone, help me put this into perspective. Or just commisserate with me so I don't feel like such a bad person for wanting to slap someone-hard. Maybe twice. :(


There are lots of people out there (including some doctors) who are just idiots. They must have something mentally wrong with them if they think that living in a happy-go-lucky world is even possible and would prevent preeclampsia. Sorry ladies my current hormones will not allow me to sugar coat anything right now so I know I sound really harsh ;)
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
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Re: I am SO darn MAD!

Postby joker » Thu May 31, 2012 04:28 pm

uncskristy wrote:
anrmacon wrote:Someone, help me put this into perspective. Or just commisserate with me so I don't feel like such a bad person for wanting to slap someone-hard. Maybe twice. :(


There are lots of people out there (including some doctors) who are just idiots. They must have something mentally wrong with them if they think that living in a happy-go-lucky world is even possible and would prevent preeclampsia. Sorry ladies my current hormones will not allow me to sugar coat anything right now so I know I sound really harsh ;)


Amen sister!!
Jen-type 1 diabetic
Abigail-born still June 29, 2007; PE/HELLP @ 18 weeks
Alison-4/17/2009; PE/HELLP @ 34 weeks
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Re: I am SO darn MAD!

Postby wooleybear » Fri Jun 01, 2012 06:51 pm

I told my doctor the last day in the hospital that I was starting to blame myself. I could of done more, I should of noticed this, I should of reacted to that. I am still doing it somewhat. I had such stress at the beginning of my pregnancy too, because me and the boyfriend were not getting along, it was a really stressful time. But I can't change anything, and my doctor reassured me the worst thing I could do was beat myself up. It was nice to hear him say that, but I still do in my mind from time to time. I think when we mourn we go through a gamut of emotions, sad, anger, depression, back to anger, to blame, to sadness, it is a rollercoaster. So don't fret with those emotions, feel them and acknowledge the anger. Im real angry and it has only been a week since I lost Soleil. Im still blaming myself and Im doing this all myself, no one has said anything out of order in front of me yet. But Im sure one day I may tell my story and someone may say the wrong thing. Stay strong!!! And don't blame yourself one more time for feeling the anger, get a dart board, and tell her that ANGER IS NATURAL sweetheart!!!!!!....lol
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Re: I am SO darn MAD!

Postby sam10 » Sun Jun 03, 2012 09:22 pm

If stress were any indicator for PE, then we should see a much higher occurrence rate in areas of war. People who live in war zones are under enormous stress and I haven't yet seen any reports or research that suggests a higher PE rate due to that stress level war can bring about. Perhaps the outcomes of PE related cases might be worse due to lack of proper care, but not due to stress.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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