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Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Are you considering having another child after preeclampsia? Trying again after preeclampsia can be an emotional challenge. You can find support with others who share your concerns here.

Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Postby ktsl123 » Mon Jul 11, 2011 00:03 am

by ktsl123 (297 Posts), Mon Jul 11, 2011 00:03 am

I told me husband that we would start trying in May, but I keep pushing it off! I am so scared of being pregnant again! I really want a 2nd child, but I can't deal with the idea that I might get PE again. I am so afraid that my baby would be premature and fighting for their life and of course I can't help, but think WHAT IF I DIE! I know that it is not typical for a person to die in the US being monitered well, but when you have a child who depends on you you worry about stuff like that. I am trying to deal with the idea of what if my son was an only child (don't like that thought). Then I am trying to deal with not experiencing being a mother to more babies which is something that makes me sad, because I want to experience pregnancy again because it was amazing to create a miracle in my body and also raise another child. I feel like there is no way out of trying again for another child because of how bad my husband desperately wants another baby. My fear is pretty strong and I am just so scared and afraid of not getting the support I need from my husband because nobody knows how scary it is to go through preeclampsia except those that have and I feel like he just won't understand. I really really want a baby I am just so scared of the mystery of not knowing what will happen. Is it stupid to get pregnant again? Am I SERIOUSLY risking my life ? I mean everyday I drive my car and you can say that is risking my life right!?! I just don't want to do something stupid. I would really like to know the odds of someone dyeing that is well monitored....
Son born healthy at 5lbs 8oz at 35 weeks +2 days due to Severe PE on 7-21-09
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Re: Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Postby amil798 » Mon Jul 11, 2011 07:04 am

by amil798 (1 Posts), Mon Jul 11, 2011 07:04 am

Your fears are not unfounded, especially if you experienced something like this before. Talk to your husband if you need more time. Seriously, you should do it when you are ready. Would it help if you talk to your doctor and see what are the chances of this happening again? I hope everything works well for you and your husband!
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Re: Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Postby jend01 » Mon Jul 11, 2011 09:53 am

by jend01 (375 Posts), Mon Jul 11, 2011 09:53 am

It took me 3 years to be ready to have another baby! We have just started trying again. I am still scared, but after seeing the wonderful care my sister just recieved and how well her and her new little girl are doing, I am willing to try again. I am like you and I do not want my son to be an only child. I strongly feel that knowledge is power and now I will know what to look for. I will also be seeing an mfm regularly and I will be checking in here regularly as well. I did not know about this site and forums in my first pregnancy. I know I will get great information and support from here :D. You definitely need to be ready though so don't rush into it.
DS July 8th 2008 36+weeks
-No signs, no symptoms, Severe PE led to HELLP and eclampsia. My wonderful doctors saved my life based on a large weight gain between appointments!
-chronic hypertensive and PTSD, doing well on meds :)
07/11 - TTC :)
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Re: Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Postby ktsl123 » Mon Jul 11, 2011 10:07 am

by ktsl123 (297 Posts), Mon Jul 11, 2011 10:07 am

If I did not have preeclampsia I would have waited probably 6 months to have another child. THe only thing preventing me is the fear of preeclampsia. This fear will never go away because I always will be afraid that I will get PE again. In a sence I am ready to have a baby, but just scared, really scared of PE. The Dr said I have a one in 5 chance. I developed it at 34 weeks with my son. PE really affected my life. I am more afraid that I will develop worse or earlier.

For you ladies that have had PE what helped you to get pregnant again? how did you cope? what did you do to feel ready and ok with trying again. I just want to be 100% ok with trying again. Maybe you others aren't 100% ok with trying, but just do it because you want another baby. Any advice? I really want to complete my family and it feels like someone is missing. :(
Son born healthy at 5lbs 8oz at 35 weeks +2 days due to Severe PE on 7-21-09
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Re: Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Postby jend01 » Mon Jul 11, 2011 11:43 am

by jend01 (375 Posts), Mon Jul 11, 2011 11:43 am

What really convinced me was just seeing the care that my sister got. Same hospital, same doctors. I'm sure that I received that care the first time around as well, and that is why the outcome is what it is. Healthy baby boy, and mom, after some complications. Just having the knowledge and meds make me more confident. I am still really scared and still on antidepressants, so I will have that battle if going off of meds in the near future as well. I know it is going to be a bumpy road, but I have a lot of support all around me. After my first experience I believe that everything happens for a reason. I have a good "feeling" going into this unlike my last pregnancy where I had a "bad feeling" from the very beginning. I really want to have our 2nd baby so my son will have a brother or sister to grow up with. My husband is 1 of 11 and I am 1 of 3 so we always had siblings around us. I want my son to have the same (not quite the same as my husband!) 2 will be perfect!
DS July 8th 2008 36+weeks
-No signs, no symptoms, Severe PE led to HELLP and eclampsia. My wonderful doctors saved my life based on a large weight gain between appointments!
-chronic hypertensive and PTSD, doing well on meds :)
07/11 - TTC :)
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Re: Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Postby libby123 » Mon Jul 11, 2011 08:39 pm

by libby123 (111 Posts), Mon Jul 11, 2011 08:39 pm

It is true that your fears are not unfounded. You have sound concerns, and have good reasons for them. Your chance of getting pre-eclampsia again is higher since you have already had it. And while you probably won't die from it, you could have a stroke, seizure, need multiple blood or platelet transfusions, and could need an emergency c-section. Your child could be born prematurely, could spend months in the NICU, or could not survive. Some women on this website have experienced long term complications from their preeclamptic pregnancies.

But you could have a completely normal pregnancy, and have a healthy child at the end of it! Your preeclampsia could be less severe. And if you don't decide to get pregnant, you will likely always wonder "what if?" and your husband and yourself may feel incomplete as a family.

I am not saying this to be negative, or to scare you, or anything of the like. I am not trying to convince you one way or another. Unfortunately, preeclampsia is a wicked, cruel disease that takes the lives of many. It steals the dreams of many. It can turn a happy, joyous time into the nightmare of all nightmares.

You and your husband shouldn't make any decisions lightly, and you certainly shouldn't try again unless both of you are 100% okay with it. An acceptable risk for some people is not acceptable for others. Plus, your husband isn't the one who has to carry the baby or risk his health. Think long and hard about what you want before you go ahead with it!
Mommy to Sailor Ann, born on February 17th 2011 at 36 weeks by c-section due to PIH that slowly turned into preeclampsia.
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Re: Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Postby princesspurr » Thu Jul 14, 2011 07:01 pm

by princesspurr (39 Posts), Thu Jul 14, 2011 07:01 pm

It is scary... it has been almost 7 years for me and I am scared. I don't think the fear is something that will ever go away, but I guess some things are worth facing the fear for.
Val (32) & Carlos (30)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
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Re: Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Postby bordergurl72 » Tue Jul 19, 2011 09:18 pm

by bordergurl72 (88 Posts), Tue Jul 19, 2011 09:18 pm

I wish I had an answer, but I can say that I know many of us have the same exact feeling. Fortunately, I don't have a husband pressuring me, he is fine with one. even if I didn't have pre-e/HELLP he would have been fine with one. It is me who wants another desperately, but my fear about another pg, sadly outweighs my desire at this point. My daughter is now 6, I am 39, and I figure if I don't get the show on the road in the next couple of months, I am done.

Anyway, I hope you can find comfort in a decision either way you go. I don't think either way is easy. I try to tell myself, it is only 9 months of anxiety for a lifetime of happiness with another child...but then I think ...why put myself at unnecessary risk, and risk my daughter loosing her mom. But like you said...every time I go in a car I risk my life...gosh, any time I walk down my steep driveway I do. Sometimes, I can look at 9 months of pg, and I feel like I should be able to handle it, but I am just not ready.

I hate that pre-e/HELLP took this away from us.
Anne, 39
DH, 47
Daughter born March 2005 at 38 weeks at only 4 1/2 lbs. by emergency c-section. Severe PE, HELLP & IUGR.
36 weeks of carefree PG, then it all went downhill and had an excruciating 2 weeks of pain and brushing off by Dr's until being properly diagnosed and delivered at 38 weeks. Since then have been diagnosed with celiac (2009) and Hashimoto's (2011).
Terrified to TTC, but really want to TTC.
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Re: Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Postby alexa5 » Wed Jul 20, 2011 07:17 am

by alexa5 (710 Posts), Wed Jul 20, 2011 07:17 am

In my case I have decided not to try for a second for many reasons, but mostly because I feel comfortable with one and not certain I really want more than one. But also because I seemed to have gotten through the first round of pre-e okay, and don't want to chance it with another one. I am not really scared about the pregnancy because I have a feeling if I got pre-e again it would probably either be similar to my first pregnancy, or come a little later, and either one I could deal with okay. But what I don't want is to have hypertension early in life, and I have this feeling that another pregnancy would bring it on sooner.

As for my husband he seems on board with only having one because he said so far he doesn't feel the need to have another. But what is interesting is that one time when my son was jokingly asking for a baby brother or sister, my husband actually made a comment to the effect that another pregnancy could kill me. So, that surprised me...I never realized how seriously he took my pre-e the first time, but apparently he did. Because even I am not really fearful of dying from another round of pre-e, but more not wanting to experience another birth in a the teaching hospital with all of those interventions, etc.
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Re: Ugg my husband is upset because we are not trying yet.

Postby ktsl123 » Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:37 pm

by ktsl123 (297 Posts), Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:37 pm

Bordergrl...

I am pretty sure that I will have a 2nd it is just so hard to say "ok yes I am ready!!" I would feel so much more comfortable if I had Pre later in my pregnancy. My symptoms began at around 33-34 week, which obviously the baby is not quite ready to make it without any NICU time. I luckily delivered my son at 35 nad 2 days and he was completely healthy. I know you have those fears like all of us, but you got PE so late in your pregnancy that your chance of getting it again is even less of getting it again then most people. If you do get again of course we all know it's usually later & milder, but if that baby is ready to come out then that is great! Plus you would obviously be watched very closely by you and your Doctor. Since it seems you have that desire to have another, have you ever decided to meet with a high risk Dr to discuss things before making that ultimate decision? It really helped with me.....
Son born healthy at 5lbs 8oz at 35 weeks +2 days due to Severe PE on 7-21-09
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