Thank you for your response, and I appreciate your encouragement. I actually don't think we are going to make a permanent decision yet, I refuse to get my tubes tied (I don't want to mess with my body any more) and my husband is kind of feeling whimpy about the vasectomy. We are just practicing the rhythm method (its not very trustworthy, I know) and avoiding my most fertile times right now. It took us 2 and a half years to conceive our daughter, and we would have sex at my most fertile times then, so I hope this will work. We have tried all manner of other birth control, the pill makes me gain weight, my hubby hates condoms, etc.
What scares me more than anything else would actually be having another c-section. I hate needles and I was so terrified before the last one that I think it will make my pregnancy miserable. Also, I hated being on bedrest for so long. I am afraid of going into cardiac arrest on the operating table due to the spinal. And the recovery was awful (shudders) I bled for the entire six weeks nonstop. I also don't like breastfeeding, but I do it because its best for my daughter. The first few months she didn't sleep at night and I was like a zombie, I was absolutely miserable.
If I could be handed another perfect healthy child, already 4 months old, without having to go through the pregnancy, birth, and first 4 months I would. But I don't know if I can take being miserable like that again. And that, along with the risk of pre-e again and possibly a child in the NICU or extreme illness for me just reaffirms it for me.
We would potentially like to adopt, but it is so expensive. We live in an apartment right now, and we would have to get another bedroom if we had another child, plus I don't know how apartment living would work for us with 2 kids.
So I guess there are lots of reasons. But some days, I just want to go for it. Others, I think nothing in the world could make me want another one.
But don't worry, we aren't doing anything drastic!