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Almost seven years later and I'm still bitter

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Almost seven years later and I'm still bitter

Postby princesspurr » Fri Jul 29, 2011 01:44 pm

by princesspurr (39 Posts), Fri Jul 29, 2011 01:44 pm

Going to the OBGYN today for my normal check up and seeing all the pregnant women and then being told who knows if it will happen to me again just makes me angry. I get so tired of seeing people have kids that don't really want them, and people that want them so badly struggling. It just stinks and I'm angry!!!! I don't know what to do now.... If I got preeclampsia early again they would send me to the same hosp they did for Veronica, and although they did great with me... clearly they didn't do so great with her. Do I just totally give up on trying again or just go for it and hope it turns out okay. No doc has ever told me not to get pregnant again... but no doc has ever really made me feel like it will be okay... ughhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Val (32) & Carlos (30)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
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Re: Almost seven years later and I'm still bitter

Postby sam10 » Fri Jul 29, 2011 08:46 pm

by sam10 (1437 Posts), Fri Jul 29, 2011 08:46 pm

I think if doctors knew, they would tell us. The only thing they can go by is statistics, which is not necessarily reassuring for us who are on the narrow end of some barely understood/known pregnancy "complication". It is just not easy to walk into an OB's office and be confronted what we don't have and so much want. I hope you find a way to make a decision that you will be content with. Sending you hugs.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: Almost seven years later and I'm still bitter

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Sat Jul 30, 2011 09:31 am

by holly3372@msn.com (478 Posts), Sat Jul 30, 2011 09:31 am

I am in the same situation as you. I get very upset too. I am now 39 years old I am scared to go through what I went through last time. I am mostly scared for another baby in the nicu. We spent 4 long terrifying months there watching our only son fight for his life only to lose him.
I know so much more now and I was in school to be a midwife at the time of my last pregnancy. (shows you how little they teach about preeclampsia!) I guess my point is, in the end my desire to be a mom is more then my fear of something happening again. I feel if I don't try again,I will never know and I will regret it. I hear many stories of women who had pre-e that went on to have other pregnancies and take home babies,so why not me? Why not you? It is a very personal decision of course and you have to do what's right for you .
I just want you to know I understand and you are not alone. xo
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: Almost seven years later and I'm still bitter

Postby princesspurr » Sat Jul 30, 2011 01:35 pm

by princesspurr (39 Posts), Sat Jul 30, 2011 01:35 pm

<3 Thank you, it sounds like we are in very similar spots in our lives! It is just so scared :-( Hopefully we will both get our dreams to come true
Val (32) & Carlos (30)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
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Re: Almost seven years later and I'm still bitter

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Sat Jul 30, 2011 03:48 pm

by holly3372@msn.com (478 Posts), Sat Jul 30, 2011 03:48 pm

Had chinese for lunch today and my fortune said "you will get your dream come true soon" then got home and read your message!! :D
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: Almost seven years later and I'm still bitter

Postby princesspurr » Sun Jul 31, 2011 07:01 pm

by princesspurr (39 Posts), Sun Jul 31, 2011 07:01 pm

:-) I think that is a very good sign!
Val (32) & Carlos (30)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
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Re: Almost seven years later and I'm still bitter

Postby flori » Tue Aug 02, 2011 02:33 pm

by flori (225 Posts), Tue Aug 02, 2011 02:33 pm

I'm with you, Val. I see women at work all of the time with 2, 3, sometimes 4 kids that are pregnant again! I have to look away because it breaks my heart every time. I think, why couldn't I have had that? Why couldn't I have babies whenever I wanted with no problems whatsoever? :( I always wanted a big family, but with the risk of pre-e and the complications of having had a classical c-section, it's not looking good for me.

(((hugs)))
Flori, 30
Mommy to Gracie- born at 25 weeks 03/15/11, 11 inches, 1.1lbs, and absolutely beautiful. Became my sweet angel the next day.
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Re: Almost seven years later and I'm still bitter

Postby princess purr » Tue Aug 02, 2011 02:48 pm

by princess purr (1092 Posts), Tue Aug 02, 2011 02:48 pm

It is so hard to watch it over and over again! and since I remarried my new husband understands the risks, I think, but he didn't have to live through it first hand so I wonder if he is really ready for how bad it can get and how scare it will be for me. I had a classical cut on the inside to, luckily they did my outside across and I have no scare. So if I get pregnant again and it goes okay... I might go for a second, if I get pregnant again and it is bad, I think i want to have my tubes tied right then and just stop tempting fate.
Val (34) & Carlos (32)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks (1 lb 4oz, 14 inches) because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
Nicholas Robert, 11/22/2013 7 lb 7oz 19.5 inches, born at 36 weeks (due to previous classical c-section) PE FREE!!!!!!
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Re: Almost seven years later and I'm still bitter

Postby kerisue » Tue Aug 02, 2011 07:05 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Tue Aug 02, 2011 07:05 pm

I thought I responded to this, but I must not have!
I imagine that even 7 years down the road I will still grieve Millie (and still feel resentment at the ease with which others seem to reproduce.) This loss is lifelong for us and the decision to try again is frought with uncertainty and danger- regarding our own life and potentially another infants. That is a sucky position for us to be in and just not fair.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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