Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
kbunsey
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby kbunsey » Mon Aug 08, 2011 10:04 pm

Vent all you want.

The guy in the training session was gross. Just plain gross.

I like your tattoo. I'd love to see a pic soemtime. I've been thinking about getting another tattoo (I've had one since I was 19) for FB but I'm not sure where and what. I was actually thinking about contacting my tattoo artist to toss around ideas - so I definitely support yours! And I'll probably get mine next summer or fall and I'm thinking of getting it on my arm - inner forearm probably b/c I want to see it and touch it when I need/want to.

The friend who is pregnant - I don't have much to offer on that one that's helpful. I certainly would not be able to handle her comments about morning sickness and so on. In other points of my life I might have tried to talk to somebody or let them know how I feel when they do certain things, but in the past few years - with things that have happened in my life (my preeclampsia/loss, my hub almost died from a stroke, my FIL died, my grandma died, getting through Kyle's pregnancy and my PPD w/out being institutionalized) - I just don't have the emotional reserves to spend time and energy on anyone else. I have had to work so hard to get myself to OK and take care of business at home. And so I just find my way to being w/ people who do "get it" - or who are open to receiving my thoughts. I think many people are black and white - they can't deal w/ambiguity and if I did try and talk to them about it - they would write me off as crazy or obsessed and unwilling to let go. People have a hard time understanding things they haven't experienced. And some people have a hard time even dealing w/ death in general - let alone baby death. I guess. Or I could just be bitter.

Do your best to be good to you and surround yourself with people who will do the same!
Katie, married to Doug. Mom to Fiona Elizabeth, stillborn June 21, 2008 @ 26w; Severe Preeclampsia. Loved. Kyle James, born October 29, 2009 @ 39w; Healthy and PE Free!!! Josephine, born Nov.17, 2011 @ 39w; PE free again. Woot!

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princess purr
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby princess purr » Fri Aug 05, 2011 07:21 pm

You are doing amazing... it takes time. I still have moments where i want to slap people upside the head LOL Carlos's cousin just had a baby (and made us the god parents) and she kept saying how she didn't want a csection because she wanted to experience labor. I love her dearly, but I was like ARRRHHHHH I will NEVER get to experience labor, if a c section means you get a baby don't complain. It was like rubbing it in. Yea, I would have liked to experience labor, but it is not the end of the world to have a c section when you are having a nice normal pregnancy. I was actually in the room for the birth, when I walked in I was followed by two docs and three nurses because the baby was having decells and I was like OMG I can not do this, but everything okay. The doc that I go to was the one that delivered her, and he at least kept asking if I was okay. I gave her all of Veronica's stuff that I have been holding on to, I figure if my daughter can't wear it my Goddaughter should... One thing that really hurt is one of my best friends also just had a little girl in June, and she sent her a message on facebook saying welcome to the baby club... I always felt like people with living children were in a special little club but to actually see it hurt. SIlly, I know... anyway, I'm rambling!!! The first year or two is the worse... it gets better, but there are days that are still pretty bad for me... just not as many as there used to be.
Val (34) & Carlos (32)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks (1 lb 4oz, 14 inches) because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
Nicholas Robert, 11/22/2013 7 lb 7oz 19.5 inches, born at 36 weeks (due to previous classical c-section) PE FREE!!!!!!

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Aidensmommy212
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby Aidensmommy212 » Fri Aug 05, 2011 02:29 pm

Thanks so much for all of your support! I actually still can't believe that I handled that the way that I did, part of me really regrets holding it together (even though I probably wouldn't have a job right now if I had reacted the way that I wanted).

I think I'm having a lot of that lately, I tend to regret things that I didn't say instead of things that I did. I find myself holding back more because I feel like I'm very loosely holding it together and that I might crack if I actually let go and allow myself to say all the things that I want to say. Not only in this situation, but in so many others. I am definitely experiencing the daily effects of having lost a child and then internalizing them more often than not.

For instance, a friend of mine took my husband and I out to dinner with her husband and their baby daughter. I decided to suck it up and go even though I still have a hard time being around babies sometimes (baby girls are a little easier than baby boys though). So we get there and as soon as we sit down, they announce that they are pregnant again. It was honestly like taking blow after blow, not only did I have to sit there with their baby, but I had to hear about her pregnancy and how her husband really wants a boy so that she can have a "mommy's boy"...and then she asked me if I was coming to the baby's 1st Birthday Party the following week! It was just too much! You would think that someone who has a baby would slightly understand. I now get random text messages from her with pregnancy complaints ("I'm soooo nauseous", "I'm soo fat already"..etc). Part of me does not want to make her feel bad because I don't thinks she's purposely being insensitive, but the other part of me wants to slap her on the side of her head and yell "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! I would give ANYTHING to be nauseous or fat right now if it meant that Aiden was going to be healthy and alive!!". It's not that I am not happy for her, I just don't know how to be a friend to her in that way anymore.

Ugh...sorry for another vent, it seems like this forum is becoming my outlet for all of my pent up anger!
Nikki (28) & hubby Blaine (40)
Mommy to Aiden Blaine - 15 oz./10.5 in. w/ IUGR
Born 2/12/11 @ 24+1 weeks due to Severe PE & HELLP
Lived 10 days, loved and missed more than words can say

holly3372@msn.com
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Wed Aug 03, 2011 09:06 am

Wow,I have had people say some terrible things in front of me and comments on my tattoo as well but this is really horrible. I am so sorry you had to deal with this,you handled it much better then I would have that's for sure. This brought tears and again I am sorry. ((( hugs ))
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013

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frogibe
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby frogibe » Wed Aug 03, 2011 00:53 am

How insensitive! We all know there are people who just have no filters but it doesn't soften the blow that their words can take on us. I'm so sorry you had to go through this!
Jennifer(30) Chronic Hypertensive
mommy to Kelsie born 1-10-10 from severe pre-e and HELLP at 28wks.
grew her wings on 2-14-10 due to NEC.
and to Josephine born 8-4-11 at 35wks. due to low amniotic fluid, but PE and HELLP FREE!!!! I kicked PRE-E in the behind!!!!!
Surprise! We added a third baby girl, Amelia born on 4-26-2013 at 36.4 wks. via scheduled c-section. PRE-free!

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riehlism
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby riehlism » Tue Aug 02, 2011 08:19 pm

That is unbelievable ridiculous. I don't know how you didn't punch him in the face or yell at him or anything like that. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and that you have to see his stupid face at work. I'm glad your friend was looking out for you.
Jasmin: Severe PE/HELLP and delivered at 24+6 & PCOS (29) Hubby Bubby, Frank (29)
Baby Blue stopped in to say hello and goodbye on 6/3/10
Baby Lucas was born on 10/13/11, PE and HELLP-free! Thank you baby aspirin and Lovenox
http://www.ehd.org/pregnancy-calendar.php?id=18192

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kerisue
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby kerisue » Tue Aug 02, 2011 05:44 pm

unbelievable!! i'm glad that you had the strength to hold back with the physical response but still told him exactly what you thought of his comment.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed

Shannonlynn
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby Shannonlynn » Tue Aug 02, 2011 05:32 pm

I think we can all relate to how you felt hearing that insensitive guy slinging senseless, hurtful trash out of his mouth. It blows my mind, how many people don't think these children count and how easy it is for all of us to just make some more. For those of us who have had a loss, the way we choose to say good-bye is up to us. People can think what they want but once the words come out, well, then it is a different story all together. He's a fool. He might feel different if it was his loss. :roll:
Shannonlynn-mommy to Frederick Otto "Fritzy"
born May 6, 2011, became an angel one hour later
Severe PE at 24 weeks to the day
Gavin Walden born 8-4-12,lovenox, folgard, lda, prenatals. PE and HELLP free.

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princess purr
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby princess purr » Tue Aug 02, 2011 02:52 pm

Wow, that is one of the most horrible things I have ever heard!!! Some people just don't get it, and it seems like those are the kind of people that nothing bad every happens to. When I was pregnant a co-works wife lost triplets and I went out of my way not to mention being pregnant around him or her because I knew it would hurt... and what to do you know, a month and a half later I loss my daughter. She was really there to help me through everything but I never thought I would be in the same boat as her.
Val (34) & Carlos (32)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks (1 lb 4oz, 14 inches) because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
Nicholas Robert, 11/22/2013 7 lb 7oz 19.5 inches, born at 36 weeks (due to previous classical c-section) PE FREE!!!!!!

flori
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby flori » Tue Aug 02, 2011 02:29 pm

Karma, buddy. Karma.

What a jerk.
Flori, 30
Mommy to Gracie- born at 25 weeks 03/15/11, 11 inches, 1.1lbs, and absolutely beautiful. Became my sweet angel the next day.


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