I wasn't sure where else to go to vent without getting the *head tilt* pity look from everybody. I figure that if anyone understands, it has to be you guys...
A couple months after I had Aiden, I got a tattoo on the back of my neck in his memory. I was never big on tattoos but I always said that I would only get one for something meaningful. The tattoo is of his footprints turned into a butterfly with his name under it. Most of the time I forget that it is even there, but when my hair is up or in a ponytail it is definitely noticeable to other people. I do not have an issue with people noticing it or even asking about it...it does take me by surprise once in a while and I start to cry but I wouldn't consider it a bad thing. To tell the truth, I didn't get the tattoo so that I would always remember that he was here because he will never leave me, part of the reason I got the tattoo was so that other people would remember that he was here. I know that sounds a little crazy, but he was here and he was loved and I don't want anyone to forget that.
To make a long story short...I am a Trainer at work (not a fitness trainer, I train people for various jobs in my company). In my last training group, I had one of my Trainees ask me about my tattoo in front of the rest of the class. It caught me off guard a little but I briefly explained that I had a baby boy and that he passed away 10 days after he was born. Right after I said it, a man that I had in the class (who was obnoxious as it was) turned to the girl next to him and said "Yeah, my cousins had something like that happen to them a little while ago and they actually had a funeral for the baby! I mean really, a funeral for a BABY?! Why would anyone even do that? The baby wasn't around long enough to even have a life....just bury it and forget about it."
I have NEVER been hurt by such an insensitive comment in my life...it actually felt like I was physically punched in the stomach! My eyes started welling up with tears right away and I had to run out of the room so as not to fire him on the spot or punch him in the face. Seriously, what is wrong with people? I know that some people don't have a filter but COME ON! I went outside with my best friend at work (who happened to be his boss once he was done with training) and screamed and cried for a few minutes and then she went back inside and ripped him a new one. He didn't speak the rest of the day and then he was done with training so at least I don't have to deal with him anymore; however, whenever I see him in the building I have an insane urge to punch him in the stomach!
I am not only hurt and saddened that anyone could even have that opinion, but that there are people out there who would share it with someone who just lost a baby! I am very sorry if any of this upset any of you reading it, I just needed to vent to someone that would understand! Thanks for listening!
Nikki (28) & hubby Blaine (40)
Mommy to Aiden Blaine - 15 oz./10.5 in. w/ IUGR
Born 2/12/11 @ 24+1 weeks due to Severe PE & HELLP
Lived 10 days, loved and missed more than words can say