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Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

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Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby Aidensmommy212 » Tue Aug 02, 2011 02:11 pm

Hi Ladies,
I wasn't sure where else to go to vent without getting the *head tilt* pity look from everybody. I figure that if anyone understands, it has to be you guys...

A couple months after I had Aiden, I got a tattoo on the back of my neck in his memory. I was never big on tattoos but I always said that I would only get one for something meaningful. The tattoo is of his footprints turned into a butterfly with his name under it. Most of the time I forget that it is even there, but when my hair is up or in a ponytail it is definitely noticeable to other people. I do not have an issue with people noticing it or even asking about it...it does take me by surprise once in a while and I start to cry but I wouldn't consider it a bad thing. To tell the truth, I didn't get the tattoo so that I would always remember that he was here because he will never leave me, part of the reason I got the tattoo was so that other people would remember that he was here. I know that sounds a little crazy, but he was here and he was loved and I don't want anyone to forget that.

To make a long story short...I am a Trainer at work (not a fitness trainer, I train people for various jobs in my company). In my last training group, I had one of my Trainees ask me about my tattoo in front of the rest of the class. It caught me off guard a little but I briefly explained that I had a baby boy and that he passed away 10 days after he was born. Right after I said it, a man that I had in the class (who was obnoxious as it was) turned to the girl next to him and said "Yeah, my cousins had something like that happen to them a little while ago and they actually had a funeral for the baby! I mean really, a funeral for a BABY?! Why would anyone even do that? The baby wasn't around long enough to even have a life....just bury it and forget about it."

I have NEVER been hurt by such an insensitive comment in my life...it actually felt like I was physically punched in the stomach! My eyes started welling up with tears right away and I had to run out of the room so as not to fire him on the spot or punch him in the face. Seriously, what is wrong with people? I know that some people don't have a filter but COME ON! I went outside with my best friend at work (who happened to be his boss once he was done with training) and screamed and cried for a few minutes and then she went back inside and ripped him a new one. He didn't speak the rest of the day and then he was done with training so at least I don't have to deal with him anymore; however, whenever I see him in the building I have an insane urge to punch him in the stomach!

I am not only hurt and saddened that anyone could even have that opinion, but that there are people out there who would share it with someone who just lost a baby! I am very sorry if any of this upset any of you reading it, I just needed to vent to someone that would understand! Thanks for listening!
Nikki (28) & hubby Blaine (40)
Mommy to Aiden Blaine - 15 oz./10.5 in. w/ IUGR
Born 2/12/11 @ 24+1 weeks due to Severe PE & HELLP
Lived 10 days, loved and missed more than words can say
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby m » Tue Aug 02, 2011 02:23 pm

This man obviously doesn't have a clue! What a jerk!! I feel sorry for his family. Unfortunately, there are people out there who place little or no value on the life of a baby. We know that our babies' lives are precious and important, no matter how short.
DS 2/5/09 - 2/13/09; severe PE at 28 weeks
DD March 2010; PIH, preterm labor at 36 weeks, 10 days NICU
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby flori » Tue Aug 02, 2011 02:29 pm

Karma, buddy. Karma.

What a jerk.
Flori, 30
Mommy to Gracie- born at 25 weeks 03/15/11, 11 inches, 1.1lbs, and absolutely beautiful. Became my sweet angel the next day.
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby princess purr » Tue Aug 02, 2011 02:52 pm

Wow, that is one of the most horrible things I have ever heard!!! Some people just don't get it, and it seems like those are the kind of people that nothing bad every happens to. When I was pregnant a co-works wife lost triplets and I went out of my way not to mention being pregnant around him or her because I knew it would hurt... and what to do you know, a month and a half later I loss my daughter. She was really there to help me through everything but I never thought I would be in the same boat as her.
Val (34) & Carlos (32)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks (1 lb 4oz, 14 inches) because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
Nicholas Robert, 11/22/2013 7 lb 7oz 19.5 inches, born at 36 weeks (due to previous classical c-section) PE FREE!!!!!!
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby Shannonlynn » Tue Aug 02, 2011 05:32 pm

I think we can all relate to how you felt hearing that insensitive guy slinging senseless, hurtful trash out of his mouth. It blows my mind, how many people don't think these children count and how easy it is for all of us to just make some more. For those of us who have had a loss, the way we choose to say good-bye is up to us. People can think what they want but once the words come out, well, then it is a different story all together. He's a fool. He might feel different if it was his loss. :roll:
Shannonlynn-mommy to Frederick Otto "Fritzy"
born May 6, 2011, became an angel one hour later
Severe PE at 24 weeks to the day
Gavin Walden born 8-4-12,lovenox, folgard, lda, prenatals. PE and HELLP free.
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby kerisue » Tue Aug 02, 2011 05:44 pm

unbelievable!! i'm glad that you had the strength to hold back with the physical response but still told him exactly what you thought of his comment.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby riehlism » Tue Aug 02, 2011 08:19 pm

That is unbelievable ridiculous. I don't know how you didn't punch him in the face or yell at him or anything like that. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and that you have to see his stupid face at work. I'm glad your friend was looking out for you.
Jasmin: Severe PE/HELLP and delivered at 24+6 & PCOS (29) Hubby Bubby, Frank (29)
Baby Blue stopped in to say hello and goodbye on 6/3/10
Baby Lucas was born on 10/13/11, PE and HELLP-free! Thank you baby aspirin and Lovenox
http://www.ehd.org/pregnancy-calendar.php?id=18192
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby frogibe » Wed Aug 03, 2011 00:53 am

How insensitive! We all know there are people who just have no filters but it doesn't soften the blow that their words can take on us. I'm so sorry you had to go through this!
Jennifer(27) Chronic Hypertensive
mommy to Kelsie born 1-10-10 from severe pre-e and HELLP at 28wks.
grew her wings on 2-14-10 due to NEC.
and to Josephine born 8-4-11 at 35wks. due to low amniotic fluid, but PE and HELLP FREE!!!! I kicked PRE-E in the behind!!!!!
Surprise! We are expecting #3 in April 2013
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Wed Aug 03, 2011 09:06 am

Wow,I have had people say some terrible things in front of me and comments on my tattoo as well but this is really horrible. I am so sorry you had to deal with this,you handled it much better then I would have that's for sure. This brought tears and again I am sorry. ((( hugs ))
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: Seriously?!?! How can people be so cruel??

Postby Aidensmommy212 » Fri Aug 05, 2011 02:29 pm

Thanks so much for all of your support! I actually still can't believe that I handled that the way that I did, part of me really regrets holding it together (even though I probably wouldn't have a job right now if I had reacted the way that I wanted).

I think I'm having a lot of that lately, I tend to regret things that I didn't say instead of things that I did. I find myself holding back more because I feel like I'm very loosely holding it together and that I might crack if I actually let go and allow myself to say all the things that I want to say. Not only in this situation, but in so many others. I am definitely experiencing the daily effects of having lost a child and then internalizing them more often than not.

For instance, a friend of mine took my husband and I out to dinner with her husband and their baby daughter. I decided to suck it up and go even though I still have a hard time being around babies sometimes (baby girls are a little easier than baby boys though). So we get there and as soon as we sit down, they announce that they are pregnant again. It was honestly like taking blow after blow, not only did I have to sit there with their baby, but I had to hear about her pregnancy and how her husband really wants a boy so that she can have a "mommy's boy"...and then she asked me if I was coming to the baby's 1st Birthday Party the following week! It was just too much! You would think that someone who has a baby would slightly understand. I now get random text messages from her with pregnancy complaints ("I'm soooo nauseous", "I'm soo fat already"..etc). Part of me does not want to make her feel bad because I don't thinks she's purposely being insensitive, but the other part of me wants to slap her on the side of her head and yell "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! I would give ANYTHING to be nauseous or fat right now if it meant that Aiden was going to be healthy and alive!!". It's not that I am not happy for her, I just don't know how to be a friend to her in that way anymore.

Ugh...sorry for another vent, it seems like this forum is becoming my outlet for all of my pent up anger!
Nikki (28) & hubby Blaine (40)
Mommy to Aiden Blaine - 15 oz./10.5 in. w/ IUGR
Born 2/12/11 @ 24+1 weeks due to Severe PE & HELLP
Lived 10 days, loved and missed more than words can say
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