One year after Benjamin

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

One year after Benjamin

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Wed Aug 17, 2011 08:03 am

Well,it's here....it has been a year today. August 17th 2010 was the morning Max and I had to make the decision to take our son Ben off of life support.The hardest thing I have ever done yet the most selfless thing I could do. He passed in a room in the back of our nicu. We set it up with his pictures and toys. We brought pillows and blankets and the beatles lullabye cd.We dimmed the lights. Baby Ben was born at 26 weeks 1lb 6oz,he fought for almost 4 months in that nicu.The vent damaged all new lung tissue he grew and he could not breathe on his own without machine and medicine.He passed in his Daddys arms that night surrounded by his entire family,he was over 7lbs.
This has been the fastest yet slowest year of my life. I have changed so much. I know I am healing as the days go by. It is true,you never "let it go" or "get over it" he was and will always be our baby. You just learn to live with it,some days are harder then others. You learn a new normal.
We live in Florida and have rented 2 days in a little hotel by the sea. My family and friends took the day off work so we can all be together today,to support eachother, honor and remember Ben. I am heavy hearted this morning remembering so clearly this day and how we said goodbye. I cannot help but to have hope watching my 3 year old niece Lily play on the sand , see the beautiful ocean and feel the sun on my face. I know that life goes on and so must I. How I wish you were here Benjmain.
Thank you for reading,peace and love to all of you. xo
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: One year after Benjamin

Postby uncskristy » Wed Aug 17, 2011 09:10 am

Thinking of you today
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
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Re: One year after Benjamin

Postby princess purr » Wed Aug 17, 2011 09:51 am

(((HUGS))) The first year is the worst... the new normal sets in more and more... but you never forget, and he will always be remembered and always be your baby <3
Val (34) & Carlos (32)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks (1 lb 4oz, 14 inches) because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
Nicholas Robert, 11/22/2013 7 lb 7oz 19.5 inches, born at 36 weeks (due to previous classical c-section) PE FREE!!!!!!
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Re: One year after Benjamin

Postby kerisue » Wed Aug 17, 2011 11:49 am

I am so sorry that you are passing one year without Benjamin. I had to make a similar decision to remove my daughter from life support and letting her go was the most difficult thing in my life. I found some small comfort in knowing she passed in my arms and surrounded by the love of her family, I hope you did too. Thinking of you and the spirit of Benjamin today.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: One year after Benjamin

Postby cmccaffrey » Wed Aug 17, 2011 01:20 pm

I'm thinking about you and your hubby today. Love and Hugs!
Christa (25) & J (26)
Mommy to:
Mason born 10.11.10 @ 30+3 wks due to Severe Pre-E. Only lived 2.5 days
Noah born 2.1.12 @ 38 weeks thanks to lots of doctors visits, LDA, Lovenox and no preeclampsia!

learn more about our story... http://tinyurl.com/7a979vy
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Re: One year after Benjamin

Postby Shannonlynn » Wed Aug 17, 2011 03:25 pm

Hi Holly, I am thinking of you and I'm glad you get to spend time with family and friends honoring your baby Ben. I think it is really thoughtful of your loved ones to be with you and I am sure you feel good being surrounded by all the love. Big hug from me!
Shannonlynn-mommy to Frederick Otto "Fritzy"
born May 6, 2011, became an angel one hour later
Severe PE at 24 weeks to the day
Gavin Walden born 8-4-12,lovenox, folgard, lda, prenatals. PE and HELLP free.
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Re: One year after Benjamin

Postby sam10 » Wed Aug 17, 2011 09:22 pm

Hello Holly,

To remove life support and let go of your precious little Benjamin must have been the hardest thing. It must have felt like an impossible thing to do, yet perhaps the only thing left you both could do as a mom and dad. I will keep your little Benjamin in my thoughts and am sending you hugs. Good that you could spend time with your family in beautiful surroundings. I will keep your little Benjamin in my thoughts and am sending you hugs.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: One year after Benjamin

Postby flori » Thu Aug 18, 2011 02:58 am

We had to make that decision as well, though it was only one day after Gracie was born. I can't imagine the pain of watching Benjamin fight for so long.. only to lose him. I admire your courage and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. (((hugs from Hawaii)))
Flori, 30
Mommy to Gracie- born at 25 weeks 03/15/11, 11 inches, 1.1lbs, and absolutely beautiful. Became my sweet angel the next day.
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