Well,it's here....it has been a year today. August 17th 2010 was the morning Max and I had to make the decision to take our son Ben off of life support.The hardest thing I have ever done yet the most selfless thing I could do. He passed in a room in the back of our nicu. We set it up with his pictures and toys. We brought pillows and blankets and the beatles lullabye cd.We dimmed the lights. Baby Ben was born at 26 weeks 1lb 6oz,he fought for almost 4 months in that nicu.The vent damaged all new lung tissue he grew and he could not breathe on his own without machine and medicine.He passed in his Daddys arms that night surrounded by his entire family,he was over 7lbs.
This has been the fastest yet slowest year of my life. I have changed so much. I know I am healing as the days go by. It is true,you never "let it go" or "get over it" he was and will always be our baby. You just learn to live with it,some days are harder then others. You learn a new normal.
We live in Florida and have rented 2 days in a little hotel by the sea. My family and friends took the day off work so we can all be together today,to support eachother, honor and remember Ben. I am heavy hearted this morning remembering so clearly this day and how we said goodbye. I cannot help but to have hope watching my 3 year old niece Lily play on the sand , see the beautiful ocean and feel the sun on my face. I know that life goes on and so must I. How I wish you were here Benjmain.
Thank you for reading,peace and love to all of you. xo
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo
Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013