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A Bitter Vent

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

A Bitter Vent

Postby uncskristy » Thu Aug 18, 2011 02:07 pm

by uncskristy (171 Posts), Thu Aug 18, 2011 02:07 pm

I am a part of another Mommy forum that is a local website. Since Cooper passed away, I find myself reading it less and less because some of the topics there just seem so trival. Today I just read one where someone was whining about her 4 year old had a book read to him about dinosaurs and how they are extinct, so of course the four year old has questions about dying now. The responses where along the lines of "oh no child should be told about dying", "I can't believe someone told about the dinosaurs extinction" and "how sad for you that you are having to field those questions". A huge part of me wants to post an response saying something about how about being honest with the child, quit being whinny about having to teach your child about life and imagine how it would be to be in my shoes explaining this for over a year now to a three year old. I don't think I am going to respond to the post because I am afraid anything that I post will come across as witchy and bitter. Sorry for venting to all, I am just having a bad day.
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
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Re: A Bitter Vent

Postby cmccaffrey » Thu Aug 18, 2011 02:45 pm

by cmccaffrey (458 Posts), Thu Aug 18, 2011 02:45 pm

OMG! I hate it when something like that pops up on mommy forums or even when someone posts about how they hate hearing about miscarriages/ infant deaths. It infuriates me. Of course no one wants to talk about it, but it needs to be discussed. I wish that I had been a little bit more prepared for the possibility of losing a baby. Not everything is sunshine and rainbows!!! If you did decide to post a response, I would mention something about getting a book that explains death from whatever religious or scientific beliefs their family follows. I'm a teacher and that's what I always suggest to parents when kids are asking tough questions. Anyways, I definitely been the woman that posts bitter/sad stuff on those forums. I just cannot tollerate some of those people and their stupidity!
Christa (25) & J (26)
Mommy to:
Mason born 10.11.10 @ 30+3 wks due to Severe Pre-E. Only lived 2.5 days
Noah born 2.1.12 @ 38 weeks thanks to lots of doctors visits, LDA, Lovenox and no preeclampsia!

learn more about our story... http://tinyurl.com/7a979vy
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Re: A Bitter Vent

Postby kerisue » Thu Aug 18, 2011 05:01 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Thu Aug 18, 2011 05:01 pm

Yes, people have NO IDEA how trivial their issues are compared to losing your child forever and having to explain that to another child. (and yet I tell myself that these are important issues to them and I shouldn't trivialize that either.) Probably a good idea not to post. I've even held myself back on this site sometimes for the same reason (not for those in grief and loss of course)
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: A Bitter Vent

Postby riehlism » Thu Aug 18, 2011 06:54 pm

by riehlism (655 Posts), Thu Aug 18, 2011 06:54 pm

I actually saw a youtube video of a woman's pregnancy vlog. She was complaining about how her doctors check her BP every time and her urine every time and basically resigned to believing that they were doing it for the money. I really wanted to defend the providers, but it's not my battle to fight. Or my brother in law who has two beautiful boys but gets really annoyed when they start to cry. There are so many of us here who are fighting to take a baby home, or trying to get pregnant again (a hardship in itself) only to be faced with fears of preeclampsia.

It really is pretty annoying from our shoes.
Jasmin: Severe PE/HELLP and delivered at 24+6 & PCOS (29) Hubby Bubby, Frank (29)
Baby Blue stopped in to say hello and goodbye on 6/3/10
Baby Lucas was born on 10/13/11, PE and HELLP-free! Thank you baby aspirin and Lovenox
http://www.ehd.org/pregnancy-calendar.php?id=18192
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Re: A Bitter Vent

Postby sam10 » Thu Aug 18, 2011 10:21 pm

by sam10 (1441 Posts), Thu Aug 18, 2011 10:21 pm

I am no friend of sweeping topics under the rug just b/c they are uncomfortable, nor do I believe it is necessarily a good thing to overwhelm people or children with things they are not asking about. But if topics come up, they NEED to be explained and discussed, all just age appropriate. Oh, I wish I could whine about something mundane like sleepless nights and stinky diapers, the extinction of dinosaurs.....
If you feel the need to respond to this post, you can draft it and re-read it the next day, and if you still feel like posting it, go ahead. Even though this seems to be an endless battle, it might make you feel better.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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