everything and no baby

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

everything and no baby

Postby cmccaffrey » Fri Aug 19, 2011 01:32 am

Is it weird that I kept all of the baby clothes, the crib, the baskets from my last pregnancy? I feel so strange that I have EVERYTHING and Mason isn't even here. My husband and I discussed early on that we didn't feel like it would be right to get rid of a lot of the practical items (crib/boppy/baby bjorn/diaper genie/gender neutral baby clothes) in case we got pregnant again soon after Mason since all those items are SO expensive. Anyways, sometimes I just feel so weird that I have all these baby things laying around. Like I am posing as a mommy in waiting, an impostor even. Like one of those women who has her entire wedding day planed, but doesn't even have a boyfriend yet. Has anyone else had these feelings before? I know I am pregnant again and I should be elated and I am in many ways, but I guess it doesn't feel real because so much can happen in between now and the time when the baby is born. Why is it that I can't feel like I was a mommy, even if it was for such a short amount of time?
Christa (25) & J (26)
Mommy to:
Mason born 10.11.10 @ 30+3 wks due to Severe Pre-E. Only lived 2.5 days
Noah born 2.1.12 @ 38 weeks thanks to lots of doctors visits, LDA, Lovenox and no preeclampsia!

learn more about our story... http://tinyurl.com/7a979vy
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Re: everything and no baby

Postby princess purr » Fri Aug 19, 2011 07:11 am

You are still a mommy. Just because we lost our babies it doesn't make us any less of a mommy (((HUGS))) I kept Veronica's stuff for 6 years... I finally gave it up to my hubby's cousin a few months ago because she was having a little girl that would be our Goddaughter. I had everything in totes in the basement but I felt like it was something I just couldn't part with. I figured I would finally give it up because she needed it, and because at this point Veronica would have long out grown that stuff and it would have been given away anyway. I don't think it is weird at all, especially since you are pregnant again. I'm sure this time you will be bringing a baby home and you will get to make use of all the stuff you have :-)
Val (34) & Carlos (32)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks (1 lb 4oz, 14 inches) because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
Nicholas Robert, 11/22/2013 7 lb 7oz 19.5 inches, born at 36 weeks (due to previous classical c-section) PE FREE!!!!!!
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Re: everything and no baby

Postby uncskristy » Fri Aug 19, 2011 07:24 am

No it is not weird at all that you kept the baby stuff. Its smart because those things are so expensive. I have had some of those feelings as well. We recently pulled all our baby stuff from attic trying to get Blaine's room together and I just keep going back to the thought "what if" and how would I have enough strength to tear the room back down again. What we all went through has changed who we are and how we will view things. I think I will always be more sensitive to the what ifs. I hate it too because sometimes it would be so nice to be naive again.
And you are too a Mommy. I wish I had some words that would make you believe it.
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
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Re: everything and no baby

Postby flori » Fri Aug 19, 2011 08:29 am

Just because we lost children doesn't make us any less of mothers. I have my days when I question that but then I remind myself that if someone lost a 10 year old, they would still be a mother. We have our hopes and dreams for the babies we lost, the other mothers have memories.

I think keeping the things you bought for Mason was very practical and could have been a source of comfort. I read many blogs, informational packets, books, etc that told stories about women coming home after a loss and their family would have packed everything up or taken it away. My husband was going to do this, but after reading Hello, Goodbye he decided against it. Out of sight, out of mind after a loss is an outdated way of thinking. I am glad he did because having things we bought for Gracie around the house helped with the healing, I think.

I understand your fear about this pregnancy. I think once I am pregnant again I will freak over every little ache and pain or minor symptom. My only suggestion is to enjoy this beautiful time. It will be over before you know it and Rainbow will be here. (((hugs)))
Flori, 30
Mommy to Gracie- born at 25 weeks 03/15/11, 11 inches, 1.1lbs, and absolutely beautiful. Became my sweet angel the next day.
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Re: everything and no baby

Postby jean » Mon Sep 05, 2011 09:55 am

I kept everything as well. We're hoping we'll still be able to use it with our forthcoming baby, but even if I hadn't thought of trying again, I don't know if I could have gotten rid of things. Everything tied to memories of my son is so heartbreaking...sometimes I look at the things and hold them to have something tangible that reminds me of him.
Our first son was born and passed in Feb of 2010. Born at 29 weeks due to HELLP and passed due to NEC. We miss him every day. :~(

Our second son was born at 39 weeks gestation in Nov of 2011. No HELLP or pre-e! Took LDA starting at week 12 and went off of it at week 38!

http://findingtherainbowconnection.blogspot.com/
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