I was very much in your shoes a few years ago. Thanks to all the surgeries it took to keep me alive from PE, I have severe scar tissue. My left ovary is pretty much stuck to another organ and my left tube is stuck to it. I had lap surgery done to try and clean some of it up, but my RE was scared to do to much to the left side and really ruin it.
We started TTC about 16 months after PE. We tried on our own for a year, but I have PCOS and that threw another wrench into things. I honestly don't know how I ever got pregnant in the first place. Really sucks that it was taken away. A year after starting TTC, I started to see an RE. Luckily my husband had amazing insurance and they covered as many IUI's as I could stand. After another year and a half, our next step was truly IVF and it scared the bejesus out of me. That and our insurance didn't cover it and it's alot of money. About that time of TTC, we were getting really burnt out. Our marriage suffered dramatically and 2 years later we are still patching it back together. There are still days that I wish I could take back those years of TTC if I could take back the damage it did to our marriage.
My husband is strongly against adoption or using a surrogate. I know some other board members that have gone that route after years of failed IF. It took a very long time for me to get to a place of peace where I'm at right now. All I wanted to ever be was a mom. I remember crying in my husband's arms after the doctor told us they couldn't find out son's heartbeat that I didn't want to be like my aunt. My aunt who never had kids and she wanted them so badly. I didn't want to be her.
Yet today, I am. And I'm ok with that. I really have come to be ok with being without kids. I don't look at my aunt with pity anymore, but as an example of how to live. My husband and I can go and do things whenever we want to do them. I spend an absurd about of time volunteering with the PF and making a difference in other people's lives. I have a fulfilling life!
I can't tell you how to feel or what to do, but I understand where you are at right now. If you want to talk anytime, just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
. Many hugs to you!!!