by firstname.lastname@example.org (478 Posts), Mon Oct 24, 2011 08:47 pm
Hello, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I know to go through this is so shocking and horrible. My husband and I lost our only son last year from preeclampsia. It was and is devastating. Please honor your feelings,no one truly understands unless they have gone through this. People will say things and for the most part they mean well,but again they do not understand. People told us to be strong.let it go,get over it that we could try again on and on. The truth is you never"get over it' he was and will always be your son. You will love and miss him the rest of your life. You have to go through the grief of it all and for everyone that grief is different. Men and women grieve different as well,we are all different. To me I will forever grieve my son.Time does help though,I promise you that. I never thought so,but a year later I can say that to you. Time heals. I have good days and not so good days. I chose not to celebrate the holidays after we lost him and family and friends were supportive. I did what felt right for me and so did my husband not what someone else thought I should or shoudn't do. Be easy with yourself,you and your family have been through the worst thing a human being can or will ever have to go through. We heard how couples split up after the loss of a child etc, but for us it made us closer. Although my husband was very different then me in the way we expressed our grief,I did not judge him. I knew he was hurting like I was. we were careful not to judge or blame. We will always be his parents and in his honor we have been loving and kind to eachother. This has in fact made us stronger. Another thing is,this changes you in many ways,though at first you do not realize it. In time you see you have changed.You learn a new normal. We did find a local support group and went monthly. From these groups we met other couples and exchanged numbers. We sometimes see eachother outside of group and when any of us needs support we call eachother. Surround yourself with people that will support you. Talk about your son,say his name. It is importnat. I keep my sons life alive in many ways in my life today. I honor and remember him and so do my family and friends. I know it is so hard now. Take it one day at a time. Sending much love to you and your family and thinking of your son. As far as having another baby goes,in time you will know when it's right for you. We are just now ready over a year later,I am 39 years old.
(I was born in Brookln Ny by the way)
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo
Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013