So, hubby and I decided not to start trying this yet. I gained some weight and I really do want to drop at least a little before we start trying. Well he messed up around cd 14, I wasnt to worried because I normally have 32 day cycles with a 12 day luteral phase, but I have been doing tests just in case (all one line). So I have been a little bummed because although he is trying to act like he is okay either way, he looked so excited when he thought there was a chance. Tonight his mother walks up to me at a birthday party and whispers in PERFECT english (but this women can not carry a normal conversion with me), "When is the baby coming?" It took everything I had not to bust out in tears. She had some stupid dream a few days ago that I was pregnant, and called Carlos tell him about it and that she was praying it was true. She always has dreams that mean nothing. She acts like she knows things, but she guessed the sex of the baby wrong for the last 4 born in the family!!! Carlos has talked to her before about asking me about being pregnant or getting pregnant. It is a subject she is not supposed to talk about. Carlos said something to her in spanish, and she said I so sorry, you forgive me. I said yes under my breath, she walked away and the tears started. His cousin called me in to her and my goddaughters room to calm down, but of course I gave her all of Veronica's things... only took me 6.5 years to part with them so I got even more upset. I feel like his mom looks at me like I just don't want kids and am denying her more grandchildren. She already has a grandson and granddaughter from her other son. My mom ONLY has Veronica, and she doesn't put pressure on me. It took me two years with my ex-husband to get pregnant when I was 24 only to almost die and loss my daughter. I'm not looking forward to the two week waits or the stressing about trying to get pregnant. It's scary, I'm scared. I'm just so frustrated with having a baby and we haven't even officially started trying yet. After we got home he called her and put her in her place. We talked and he said he really is okay with whatever we decide, to try, adopt, just be great aunt/uncles.... I just would love to be happy and excited about the idea or trying, but not matter what I tell myself or try to connivence myself of I feel like i'm playing roulette with my future child's life and possible my own to. Sorry this is song long, I just needed to talk to people that understand.
Val (32) & Carlos (30)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)