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So angry and upset

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So angry and upset

Postby MissingMolly » Fri Dec 30, 2011 07:46 pm

by MissingMolly (41 Posts), Fri Dec 30, 2011 07:46 pm

So many things went wrong during my pregnancy, and they continue to go wrong. I'm convinced that I had undiagnosed preeclampsia for weeks before I developed HELLP syndrome and had to have an emergency C-section. I couldn't go back to the ob/gyn I had--it was just too emotionally painful--so I found a new doctor and requested my records be sent to him. For whatever reason, there was a delay and some things were missing, including the operative report. My new doctor asked me at my last appointment if I knew what kind of incision I had on my uterus (even though the outside incision is a bikini cut). I said my previous doctor didn't tell me, at which point he said that I would "absolutely, no question" have been told if I had a vertical incision because this was crucial information in regards to a future pregnancy. If a vertical incision is done, you can't ever have a VBAC--you have to have a scheduled C-section at least 3 weeks in advance due to concerns of uterine rupture, which can be fatal for both mother and baby.

Well, guess what?!?! He finally got my operative report, and I DO in fact have a vertical incision! I'm so angry!

Not only did my previous doctor ignore my symptoms and concerns until it was too late, I now feel like she has seriously impaired my ability to have future LIVING children. I'm beyond upset right now!
Mommy to Molly, who was born alive on Oct. 29, 2011 at 23+3 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia/HELLP syndrome and passed away 3 hours later. Loved and missed every minute of every day...."If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."
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Re: So angry and upset

Postby sam10 » Fri Dec 30, 2011 08:36 pm

by sam10 (1437 Posts), Fri Dec 30, 2011 08:36 pm

I had a vertical incision as well, which if often the case with very early preemies. Even though they don't let you go for a VBAC, the risks are not as bad as they sound. Can't find the stats right now, but will go dig around to find them. My doctors have told me that they only do these incisions if they absolutely have to, knowing very well the long-term consequences (no vbac). I am sorry your doctor has not explained this to you, as they should have. Sending you hugs.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: So angry and upset

Postby MissingMolly » Fri Dec 30, 2011 09:04 pm

by MissingMolly (41 Posts), Fri Dec 30, 2011 09:04 pm

Thanks for your response, Julija. I just don't know what to think. I'm so angry at how my doctor dealt with my entire pregnancy, and this latest bit of news just adds to it. I'm already freaked out about the thought of trying again, and now this. I feel like my long-held dream of having a baby is circling the drain. Maybe I'm over-reacting, I don't know. All of this is just so overwhelming.
:cry:
Mommy to Molly, who was born alive on Oct. 29, 2011 at 23+3 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia/HELLP syndrome and passed away 3 hours later. Loved and missed every minute of every day...."If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."
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Re: So angry and upset

Postby sam10 » Fri Dec 30, 2011 10:51 pm

by sam10 (1437 Posts), Fri Dec 30, 2011 10:51 pm

PE leaves most of us with a lot to deal with; anger, frustration, sadness, fear, trauma, ...... There is no overreacting! Who would not be angry after such a traumatic experience? If doctors don't provide the care and attention we all deserve, it makes it just so much worse. I am so sorry you had to find out this way that you got a vertical section on top of it all :(
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: So angry and upset

Postby ktsl123 » Sat Dec 31, 2011 01:20 pm

by ktsl123 (297 Posts), Sat Dec 31, 2011 01:20 pm

I know a few people that had the vertical incision on the uterus and they just had to have a c-section at 36-37 weeks. They were not allowed to go in labor. I wouldn't be too worried.
Son born healthy at 5lbs 8oz at 35 weeks +2 days due to Severe PE on 7-21-09
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Re: So angry and upset

Postby kerisue » Sat Dec 31, 2011 02:19 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Sat Dec 31, 2011 02:19 pm

Yep, I had a classical vertical c-sec too. I was told that this wasn't any impediment to future successful pregnancy, just that I'd have to wait longer to ttc and have another c-sec, no option for vbac. Not excited about being cut into again as I didn't feel c-sec was a good way to give birth and i'm sure it will bring back some of the trauma of the first birth, but if I end up with a healthy baby i'll deal with it. (of course I have to get pregnant first!)
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: So angry and upset

Postby angieb » Mon Jan 02, 2012 00:40 am

by angieb (1192 Posts), Mon Jan 02, 2012 00:40 am

I had a classical c-section/vertical incision also. It was not really a big deal for my pregnancy with my son, except that he was born at 36+2 after an amnio to confirm lung maturity (but with mature lungs and at 7.4 lbs, he had no NICU time or issues and has never been really considered a preemie.) I had a regular c-section with him as they did not want to mess with my original incision (which apparently healed so well that my OB said she only knew it was there because she had delivered our daughter.) They have given me the okay to have another baby (which would be a 3rd c-section), and I'm hoping if all goes well another time, I might get the okay for one more. While it will get a little riskier with each c-section, I'm not really all that worried about it.

While the way you found out about it is certainly wrong, there isn't a whole lot of choice at 23 weeks. They usually *have* to do classical c-sections until 27ish weeks or so, the babies are still too small and not low enough for a regular c-section. So, the only alternative would have been to have an induction and vaginal birth, 23 weekers are usually too small to monitor during labor and delivery, and so if you had done that, your daughter very likely may have been stillborn. (We were actually given the choice to induce me with the acknowledgement that our daughter most likely would not be born alive, or a classical c-section-and the risks and issues of a vertical incision. We chose the classical c-section. One of the doctors I consulted with told me that she would have not given us the choice, that she would have "never allowed" me to have a c-section- I really resented that statement and did not go back to that doctor. I am really sorry that you were not given the option at least, I would have been very angry to later find out that I had not been given all of the information.)

Operative reports, in my experience, are not in the same records as regular OB medical records. I had to request that separately from the hospital when I was getting different consults. But my OB also made sure that I knew that I had had a vertical incision and made a very big deal about telling me that all future pregnancies would have to be c-sections, etc. That information definitely should have been given to you along the way.

(BTW, my second c-section was an extremely easy recovery. I wasn't even taking tylenol by the time I left the hospital, it wasn't a big deal at all. I personally much prefer c-sections over having a vaginal birth, although I guess I can't really compare since I've never had a vaginal birth.)
Me (29) DH (30)
#1-Olivia Caetlyn-9-28-09-9-28-09, 23+2 wks, emergency classic c-section, class I HELLP, IUGR
#2- Lucas Oliver (rainbow baby)- April 2011, 36+2 wks, HELLP and pre-e free! (lovenox and LDA pregnancy)
#3-Matthew, late October 2012...mostly normal, 37 wks, (lovenox and LDA again)
My blog: http://www.butterflies-and-rainbows.blogspot.com/
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Re: So angry and upset

Postby angieb » Mon Jan 02, 2012 00:53 am

by angieb (1192 Posts), Mon Jan 02, 2012 00:53 am

By the way, my OB and MFM gave me the stats that *if you go into labor* (which they try to prevent by delivering early), the risk of uterine rupture is 10%. I did some of my own digging on the matter and what I could find indicated the risk was more like 1 to 3%, although I'm fine with having all future repeat c-sections so I didn't really try to press the issue.

Also, the amnio caused my water to break at about 1 am before my scheduled c-section with our son, and I actually did go into labor. They monitored us closely (I had eaten at 10 pm so they were weighing trying to wait till the food was out of my system vs. not letting me be in labor...at first they were going to wait until 7 am to deliver, but my contractions kept getting stronger and closer together and he ended up being born at 4:54 am instead...not really an emergency but "urgent"...my scar was fine even though I had been having pretty strong contractions- I was begging for that epidural.)
Me (29) DH (30)
#1-Olivia Caetlyn-9-28-09-9-28-09, 23+2 wks, emergency classic c-section, class I HELLP, IUGR
#2- Lucas Oliver (rainbow baby)- April 2011, 36+2 wks, HELLP and pre-e free! (lovenox and LDA pregnancy)
#3-Matthew, late October 2012...mostly normal, 37 wks, (lovenox and LDA again)
My blog: http://www.butterflies-and-rainbows.blogspot.com/
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Re: So angry and upset

Postby MissingMolly » Mon Jan 02, 2012 01:53 am

by MissingMolly (41 Posts), Mon Jan 02, 2012 01:53 am

Thank you for your response and for sharing your story, angieb. I'm happy to hear you had a successful, complication-free pregnancy after pre-e and classical c-section with your first.

I didn't have the option to be induced because my platelets were dropping too fast and my liver enzymes were out of control, so they were afraid that induction would take too long and that I might die before I could deliver. I also had to have general anesthesia and they gave me Versed, so I don't remember the first hour or so at all of my precious daughter's life. They actually didn't explain to me that she would be alive, so I only really and truly realized this when they pronounced her dead. The way they handled the whole thing was tragic.

I guess I reacted emotionally to the news about the vertical incision because it seems like the bad news keeps coming, and I'm angry that my previous doctor treated me so cavalierly. She ignored my concerns time and time again until it was too late, and then she didn't deign to explain something so important to my future to me. I'm having a hard time not hating her.

I'm just depressed about how so many cards are stacked against me. I so want a living child. And I desperately wish things had gone differently with my angel baby. I'll always wonder if she'd still be alive if I'd had a better doctor.
:cry:
Mommy to Molly, who was born alive on Oct. 29, 2011 at 23+3 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia/HELLP syndrome and passed away 3 hours later. Loved and missed every minute of every day...."If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."
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Re: So angry and upset

Postby angieb » Mon Jan 02, 2012 09:42 pm

by angieb (1192 Posts), Mon Jan 02, 2012 09:42 pm

Ah, that makes sense then why you weren't given the option, but you definitely should have been given the info. My ob made a very big deal about us knowing I had a classical c-section. I am really sorry that you had to go through that and that you found out about your incision this way. It hopefully won't cause an issue for your next pregnancy.
Me (29) DH (30)
#1-Olivia Caetlyn-9-28-09-9-28-09, 23+2 wks, emergency classic c-section, class I HELLP, IUGR
#2- Lucas Oliver (rainbow baby)- April 2011, 36+2 wks, HELLP and pre-e free! (lovenox and LDA pregnancy)
#3-Matthew, late October 2012...mostly normal, 37 wks, (lovenox and LDA again)
My blog: http://www.butterflies-and-rainbows.blogspot.com/
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