his 2nd birthday

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his 2nd birthday

Postby sam10 » Sun Jan 01, 2012 09:42 pm

While most people celebrate, make resolutions and hope for a better year ahead, we still have not quite figured out how to deal with NYE and the day after. My husband chose to go to sleep early and missed midnight all-together. I stayed up to watch the countdown and start one of the happiest and hardest days of the year all by myself. Jan 1 is our Henry's birthday. When he was born two years ago on New Year's Day, I thought this must be a good sign. I felt it was so special that it could only mean that he would live. And he seemed to be off to a good start. His tiny cry, the only sound I've ever heard come from him, is so vivid and I wish I could hear it again and again. I often wonder what he would look like and be like.
I was surprised by how different people who are close to us behaved, supervised by the good and by the not so good. Some friends have done something very special, and have helped me by doing the things I couldn't. I was too encompassed by my grief, too heavy in my body, barely able to breathe at times. I am so thankful that Henry's memory was kept alive in this way. In stark contrast some of our closest family members have not even said a word, nor called, nor written, instead unloaded their frustrations and anger of daily life during a family lunch yesterday. It makes me sad that a tragic event does not seem enough to bring us closer, but leaves me and my husband wondering and hurt even more. I have tried very hard not to have expectations of what people do, or not do, say or not, but this one is pretty tough.It is our only child's birthday. Why does it matter if he is here or not? A mother remembers the birth of all her children, always, living or not!
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: his 2nd birthday

Postby MissingMolly » Mon Jan 02, 2012 01:31 am

Happy 2nd birthday to your precious Henry. I'm so sorry you don't have him with you.

I'm also sorry about how some people in your life have treated you. I've experienced similar stuff--a few people have been incredibly supportive and sweet, but most are either indifferent or awkward. I actually severed contact with a couple of "friends" who didn't say anything to me after getting the news that my baby died and that I almost died as well. I don't want to know anyone who doesn't have the decency to at least check to see how I'm doing and say "I'm sorry."

We will always be mothers and Henry and Molly will always be our children, though they are not living. I understand the desire to acknowledge birthdays and other dates of importance. No matter how short their lives were, they *mattered*. They mean the world to us, and we feel a fierce, unconditional mother's love for our babies. Why is that so surprising to some people?

Hugs to you. xo
Mommy to Molly, who was born alive on Oct. 29, 2011 at 23+3 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia/HELLP syndrome and passed away 3 hours later. Loved and missed every minute of every day...."If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."
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Re: his 2nd birthday

Postby rosemary » Mon Jan 02, 2012 11:42 am

Thinking of you today, and your precious Henry. It is so very hard to understand people's reactions, or lackthereof. Pull those who do remember, support you and understand even closer. Wishing you peace and healing. (((HUGS))).
Rosemary - 47 - Central, PA
Momma to Kayleigh 8/25/88 - 36 weeks
Elliott 8/29/04 - lost at 20 weeks due to severe PE/HELLP
Proud Grandma to Max Allen 10/19/10.
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Re: his 2nd birthday

Postby angieb » Mon Jan 02, 2012 03:41 pm

In some ways, the second birthday was harder than the first one (which I did not expect.)

Happy (belated) birthday, sweet Henry.

Thinking of you guys.
Me (29) DH (30)
#1-Olivia Caetlyn-9-28-09-9-28-09, 23+2 wks, emergency classic c-section, class I HELLP, IUGR
#2- Lucas Oliver (rainbow baby)- April 2011, 36+2 wks, HELLP and pre-e free! (lovenox and LDA pregnancy)
#3-Matthew, late October 2012...mostly normal, 37 wks, (lovenox and LDA again)
My blog: http://www.butterflies-and-rainbows.blogspot.com/
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Re: his 2nd birthday

Postby kerisue » Mon Jan 02, 2012 04:11 pm

Wish you were dealing with the terrible twos instead of the loss of Henry. He is forever remembered.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: his 2nd birthday

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Tue Jan 03, 2012 07:35 pm

I understand. It is so hard no matter how much time has passed. My Benjamin's 2nd birthday will be in April......sigh. Sending love to you and to Henry . I hope our boys are together. xo
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: his 2nd birthday

Postby uncskristy » Wed Jan 04, 2012 07:39 am

Happy (belated) birthday to Henry. I know its hard when those who should care do not acknowledge what happened. After losing Cooper, I learned who I could turn to and who was not worth anything. I am thinking of you and hope the past few days have been tolerable.
Kristy
Mommy of Three Boys- Davis 10/4/2007(No PE, overbaked at 40wks, 2 days),
Cooper 5/20/2010-5/21/2010 (born too early at 24wks, 2 days due to severe PE) and
Blaine 10/11/11 (35wks, 6 days, mild but quick moving PE)
Wife to Matthew since 6/11/2005
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