Getting anxious/going crazy

[flori]

So I finally buckled down and started watching what I eat. I've lost about 15 pounds and as the weight is coming off, I've found that my blood pressure is lowering itself. I used to have a waking bp of 135/95 (on medication) and now I wake up to 110s/70s. Pretty cool. I will make an appointment with my doctor soon to see if I should lower my medication dosage. I still have not seen an MFM for a preconception visit, but that's partly because I'm not sure if I need a referral from an OB.

I'm feeling great about losing weight and seeing my bp lower, even getting AF every month is exciting because of my PCOS. Some days I get so excited and anxious to be pregnant again because I am *POSITIVE* that nothing will go wrong, but then other days I wonder if we should even bother TTC #2 and spend hours reading about adoption and gestational surrogacy.

I will admit that seeing so many posters go on to have successful pregnancies after a loss gets me inspired. Then I get a bit envious because I followed so many 36+ week journeys and wish that I have gotten pregnant already. Ugh. I want to lose more weight before we start baby-making but the wait is terrible.

How are my fellow TTC ladies? Any advice on what my next step should be?

[kerisue]

Congratulations on the weight loss! Future pregnancy aside, that's good for your general health. It's not a magic bullet as far as preeclampsia is concerned though. Waiting to ttc is so difficult isn't it? With arms so empty I wanted to start trying again much sooner than I did, but I decided to follow the MFM's advice as best I could and that meant waiting. Now I've been trying for months unsuccessfully and that's very difficult too. Unlike you I am not positive of a successful outcome next time. I have seen enough siblings at the baby grave yard where Millie is to know that lightning can unfortunately strike twice. I am reasonably confident I can get a different outcome or I would not put myself and a baby through that. Even so, if I had the money for a gestational surrogate I would do that in a heart beat (any big donors send me a message!) That would mean giving up the intimacy of carrying my baby myself- but would be worth it to me not to have to worry so much about preeclampsia. Obviously if you were thinking adoption was the best way to go you could pursue that now or as soon as you feel emotionally ready; however, if you would still like to try for another biological child I'd recommend waiting until after you see the MFM before making any firm decisions about when to ttc, surrogacy, etc. Good luck. I wish we weren't having to worry about any of this.

[tree]

Congrats on the weight loss! I know it is a consistent effort, and you must be really proud to have been able to lower your blood pressure and improve your health so much. I had to lose about 20 lbs to hit a healthy weight this year. I almost made it before Christmas, and I am sort of looking forward to getting "back on the wagon" this weekend. I can't believe how much better I feel. I didn't think I would ever feel healthy again after HELLP, and it is amazing to feel good because of something I did.
That said, I don't really have any advice on what to do next. One thing that helped me was to realize that making the appointment doesn't mean you have to make the decision. I had my preconception consult over a year ago. She said to go ahead, and I decided I wasn't ready. You can treat it as baby steps. First, figure out what you need to do to get an appointment, then decide if you want to make it. The wait time for an appointment might give you plenty of time to think about things anyway. It sounds like your body really likes what you have done, and you might feel more confident after talking with your regular doctor and an MFM. It is sometimes hard to believe that such an improvement is real, and hearing it from the doctor can help.

[LalaPants]

Congrats on the weight loss (and lower bp!)

I think it's normal to waver between being excited and nervous/wondering if TTC again is the right decision. Even though my DH and I have decided on TTC I still wonder if it's selfish of me to want to try again, knowing we could end up with another bad outcome. I lost my Leo about a month and a half after you lost your Gracie, and I think it's really taken me all this time to feel more comfortable with TTC (we had been planning to start this month, now we are waiting til March on the advice of the MFM I saw due to some wonky bloodwork that has resolved).

I saw a MFM at a major teaching hospital and while I needed a referral from my primary care for insurance purposes, the practice I saw didn't need anything official. I called and left a message with the nurse, spoke to her, and while I was initially scheduled with one doctor they called and switched me to another who specializes in pre-eclampsia. Even though it was hard to go, I felt like I was at least doing something to move forward.

More information is always good, and you don't have to make any decisions right away.

[holly3372@msn.com]

Hi congrats on the weight!! I am in the same boat as you ! I am finally taking this weight of too yay!!!! This April my Benjamin would have been 2 and we lost him August of 2010. I am having a good feeling for the first time since. It is for sure because of the weight loss I am having more confidence in my body. I am going to continue eating well,taking prenatals and getting to my ideal body weight. Then I willl try again.I have seen 3 MFM's brought a list of questionsto each and all said something different!!! So,with that being said I am just going to take a deep breath and go for it! I think you are doing great keep it up and keep us posted!

[flori]

Thank you ladies! I called the MFM I decided I want to see (after hours of Googling lol) and found out that I do need a referral to see her. Bummer. So a few days later I made an appointment with an OB on 2/21. I didn't realize when I was making the appointment that she operates out of an IVF clinic. When I was telling the receptionist my history I mentioned PCOS in passing and she said "Oh well maybe you'll stay with doctor to treat it." I said "Oh, that would be convenient," but I am hoping that I won't have to because I really want to conceive Rainbow naturally.

Gracie's first birthday is rapidly approaching. My husband and I are taking two days off to celebrate and be together. I want to do a balloon release and eat pink cupcakes. I had hoped that I could tell her that she was going to be a big sister on her birthday, but I'm okay if it doesn't happen.

Another thing I am excited about it my husband is interviewing for two new jobs within the next month. Both offer excellent family health insurance so if he receives an offer from either one I will probably not work during my next pregnancy. I would love to just be at home and focus on growing baby if I can. I'll have to ask the MFM if she recommends it.

Sorry for the jumbled thoughts.