It all started with another kidney infection…. The second one in a month…. It was the morning of Old Year’s Eve. I tried to phone my gynae’s rooms to see if they might possibly be in but, they were not there. But they had a voicemail on their phone and it said if there are any emergencies or problems to go to the labour ward at the hospital and they will be able to help you.
Off we went to the Labour ward….Told them what had happened and told them the previous evening I also had a few drops of pure clean blood after I went to the bathroom. They told me to give them a urine sample and told me to lie on the bed. They took my blood pressure and said that it seemed a bit high. But I must not worry because it could be that I have an infection. With that the urine sample test was back and they said I had an infection. And they said it was quite a bad one. Never to mention I was at the doctor about 4 days before that and he had given me medication for it aswell.
I asked them if they can give me something for the infection but, they said no they would like me to stay the night to be observed and make sure that the infection is sorted 100% before I go home. I was really upset about this as it was Old Year’s Eve. And it would be the first time I would not be with my husband and family. But I knew I wanted nothing to happen to our little girl Keira.
They gave me an IV, took blood and discharged me the following morning at 10am. I was so over the moon when I could go home, I was already dressed and waiting for my husband to arrive. I went home and had lunch with my family and was about to relax when I got a phone call from the hospital. My heart sank…. They told me that they had just got the blood tests back, and that my blood platelet count was 49 and it was supposed to be 400. I must please come back and readmit myself as soon as possible. As I put the phone down, I turned to my mom and started crying, and I said I don’t know if I can do this again…. She said to me you are doing this for Keira, and you are in safe hands.
I decided to have a quick bath before I went as I wasn’t sure if I was going to have another IV. And I didn’t want to battle to bath later that night. At about 5:30pm I was readmitted and in bed, they came to check my blood pressure and they said it was high. I told them how can it be high as I have always had low blood pressure. My husband stayed with me for a while, as he wanted to hear what the dotor said. Especially about what my low blood platelet count meant ect. But he came very late that night. They checked Keira’s heartbeat regularly, aswell as my blood pressure and constant blood tests to check my platelet count throughout the night. And my blood pressure was all over the place.
The following morning the doctor was there very early to come and have a look at my results ect. The next minute the nurse was there with a wheelchair to push me up to the doctors rooms to have a sonar and check how Keira is doing. He checked her heartbeat and said it was irregular, he just wants to check the blood flow in the placenta aswell. He then turned to me and said he likes being honest and straight with his patients. I said I would prefer if you were doctor. He then told me that her heartbeat is irregular and the flow of blood in the placenta isn’t good. Then he asked when my husband would be there as he would like to chat to both us when he gets there. I said I will get them there as soon as possible.
At about 10am the paediatrician came to have a chat with my husband, mom and myself about the survival rate of babies born at 24 weeks. She told us there was a possibility she would be deaf, blind, paralysed. Her heart and lungs may not be fully developed, her skin is still very thin, she may even get water on the brain. There was just not much that would be right with her. We were all crying when the doctor eventually came to speak to us. He said he had an emergency c-section and will be back in about an hour.
About an hour later he came to speak to us. He took us into a waiting room sat us down and told us everything that the paediatrician said. We asked if we waited till the next morning, he looked at me and said that there is a chance if we wait till then I would not survive the operation. I could not keep myself from crying. We had to make a choice. The only way my body comes right is that I give birth, and everything will come right on its own. Because at this stage, my kidneys were not working properly, my blood platelets were low, and my liver was starting to have problems. And there was a chance our little one would not make it either way. The only way was to have a c-section and hope that she makes it through.
The doctor said though when doing the c-section due to my platelets being very low still there is a big possibility that I would bleed a lot. So there was a chance I may not make it either. The doctor said he would do my emergency c-section between 2-4pm that same day. I was in the ICU for 2 days.
Our angel was stillborn on the 2nd January 2012 weighing 475g, perfectly formed. She had her dad’s mouth and feet, her mom’s nose and fingers. She looked so peaceful. She was beautiful in every way.
I have so many questions….
- Why did this happen to us?
- What could I have done differently to still have Keira with us?
- Is it my fault?
- If this was picked up earlier could Keira still be with us?
- Will this happen again?
- Could it be my diet?
- Did I have enough vitamins and minerals ect?
There are so many should of, could of’s going through my mind. I just wish I could get all the answers to my questions.
Luckily I can have other children but I so wanted you. You will always be my first baby. We may not have you here but we are parents,it is just that we have our angel in heaven.
We love you soooooooo much.
Keira our little angel you were given your wings very early. One day your mom and dad will be with you again. We miss you very much and think of you all the time.
Loads of love Mom and Dad xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx