So angry.

[mymiracles2]

I totally understand you situation! A few years back, courage collected we went to talk to the MFM that had been involved in our second daughter's delivery. He flat out said you shouldn't have more. I was beyond frustrated, as they knew, as did I, what was wrong with me, didn't that help. i felt confident going in that if something were to happen, we would be armed with knowledge to help us through. It left my husband petrified. 3 years later we are pregnant, my husband again petrified, and I have to go to the same MFM that gave me the dismal news. I still choose to feel optimistic, but truthfully a bit scared. Medicine isn't perfect, and the doctors are only human, but i feel empowered by the fact that I KNOW what to look for. I think I was looking for someone to give me permission to go ahead, but they can;t they have to look at it statistically. Good luck with you decision .

[caryn]

This is *absolutely* what is going on - the docs cannot tell you what to do. They can only give you odds. It's a medical ethics thing for getting informed consent from the patient, but not being paternalistic.

It's often helpful to ask them what they would do in your situation, or how they would advise their wife if she were in your shoes. It gives you a better idea of how someone with more experience than you would weight your risks. But that said, the doc is not you, and does not necessarily share your values. The trick is to make a decision that respects your values in the face of your risks...

[jmom08]

I wanted to add a hug and a note to say that I can relate to the anxiety and anger, and to share that I got a lot of relief from seeing a therapist who specializes in women's issues and reproductive issues. I was referred to 2 different therapists by my OB, and from reviewing their profiles and calling one, I realized that neither one was a good mesh with my needs/beliefs, and instead I went to one that I was referred to by a local mom's board. And she was AWESOME. I didn't have much support from my husband, either... very painful. One of the things the therapist had me do (in addition to affirming the whole experience, nobody had ever really done that, I got a lot of "wow, well at least you and baby are OK!" subject changers), was to write everything out, the whole thing. It took me 75 pages (it was an eventful pregnancy). She then suggested I have my husband read it -- his memory is swiss cheese, but I think for at least the couple of hours it took him to read it, he temporarily got it. That helped some.
Also, I was intially reluctant to go to therapy, and it was here on the PF forum that I got the encouragement I needed to go. Many hugs and good luck on your decisions.