Preeclampsia at 21 weeks... will I ever have a baby?

[cgoodi1]

I am completely broken and crushed. I was married this past summer in August and my husband and I have always discussed having a big family. I am 26 and wanted to get started as soon as possible. We were thrilled when we tried and got pregnant on the first try. My mom had a hard time carrying babies and had lost two before I was born (one at 3 months and one at 4 and a half). I had experienced some bleeding early on in the pregnancy (around 5-6 weeks) and was scared but when we made it to 3 months we knew we were past the miscarriage stage and our odds were better. During my pregnancy I experienced nausea until 14 weeks and was often extremely tired. I didn't feel like doing anything except laying down but I thought that this was normal.
I started gaining weight like crazy. I was not overweight when I got pregnant. I was in the best shape I ever was because I had recently been married. At my second doctor's visit she mentionned I should lay off the sweets and I told her I wasn't eating any worse then I had always eaten. When I went home I looked up how much weight I should gain and began monitoring what I ate. Once I passed 4 and a half months I was thrilled. I assumed I was in the clear. Boy was I wrong. I had no idea what was coming.
When I went to my 19 week ultrasound the technician said that the baby had a strong heart, had all of her organs, limbs, etc. We found out we were having a little girl. I was ecstatic. The ultrasound technician asked if I had mixed up my due date. I said definitely not since I had monitored everything since we were trying. She gave me a due date that was two weeks later. I couldn't figure that out because that would mean I wasn't pregnant when I got a positive pregnancy test.
One night after my ultrasound I was feeling sad and had cried over something I can't even remember. The next morning I woke up with swollen eyes but assumed it was from crying and thought nothing of it. At night I started to be woken up by excruciating chest pain. I literally thought that someone was squeezing my insides. The pain was not located in my lower abdomen. It was higher and in the middle of my chest. I knew that such high pain couldn't be the baby so I wasn't immediately worried but decided to tell my doctor. Whenever I would wake up my legs and feet would be indredibly swollen. I stopped sleeping with socks and it didn't help. I knew people swelled with they were pregnant and again, didn't think anything was wrong.
When I went to see my doctor I mentionned about the change in due date. She thought that was weird and said she would request to see the ultrasound. I mentionned my chest pain and swelling and she said it could be heartburn. She prescribed me some medication and said she'd see me back in two weeks to see how it was going since if it didn't work it could be gallbladder stones. She did not say anything this time about my weight gain but I was 20 weeks and I had so far gained 40 pounds! I knew this was more then I should gain the entire time but again, assumed maybe it was just normal. I went home and the medication was not working. I still had the pain and it was starting to scare me and my husband.
I went to work and decided that night to go drop in to see my doctor. When we went to the clinic she was not in and they told me to stop by the birthing center at the hospital. I was 21 weeks 1 day pregnant. At the hospital they took my blood pressure and listened to the heart beat of the baby. It was beating and I didn't think anything bad. They came in with blood vials and a jar for a urine test. I did what they asked and they told me to wait in a room. A doctor came in and asked us to go with him for an ultrasounds. When we went in he spent a lot of time looking at the baby and I noticed right away that she was not moving around like she normally does. He then said he had bad news. My baby had died. I could not control myself and broke down. My husband did as well. We had lost our first baby. Our little girl was dead. The baby was still measuring around 18-19 weeks even though I was 21 weeks pregnant. The doctor said that I had preeclampsia and in a way, it was better because at 21 weeks we may have had to make a hard decision to deliver the baby and the likelihood of her surviving would have been minimal.
I was immediately brought back to my room. They inserted a cathter in me (without any pain meds) and started me on an IV with medication to drop my blood pressure. They gave me pills to induce labor but they didn't work. It was February 13th when I was admitted and by the next day I was still only 1cm dilated. They hooked me up and stared pitocin and gave me an epidural. My water broke in the afternoon on February 15th. The baby was born at 4:16pm that same day. I remember feeling her fall out of me. I remember the feeling of her body on my leg. They mentionned how small she was and asked if I wanted to see her. I did and I remember that she looked so small and I so badly wished she was alive. The doctors took her away because we wanted to have an autopsy done on her to know what had happened. The placenta would not come out on its own and I had to be put under and brought into a surgical room to have it taken out. I stayed in the hospital until February 19th due to high blood pressures. They were all the way up tp 170/118 and I had never had high blood pressures before. Now that I'm discharged I am on adalat and my blood pressures today (the 21st) are finally going down to normal values. I have to enter my blood pressures two times a day and send them in to the hospital everyday.I will be seeing my blood pressure specialist March 5th and my gynocologist on the 9th of March.
The doctor in the hospital said that in 6-12 months I can try again for another baby. I am terrified that this will happen to me again. My case was so early and it was a severe case. After coming home and doing a lot of reading the chances do not look good. 60-70% chance of this happening again! I think those are horrible odds. My doctor said I am now high risk so I will be followed more closely next time. I will have to monitor my pressures throughout pregnancies and perhaps be on blood thinners or baby aspirin depending on what my tests say and what the other doctors say. I desperately want to have my own baby but am also scared for my health. I want to know if other people had preeclampsia so early and if they tried again and had a baby. I want to know that I am not alone and that some people had children after having preeclampsia this early. I also want to know if other people had it early and if they never had kids. I am so emotionally broken. I cry all the time and think about my baby constantly. I don't want to talk to my friends except for one and I feel like my husband is not understanding that I am so devastated and depressed.
I need hope. I need to know that it's going to be ok. I wish I could see into the future. I miss my baby girl. She is in heaven and some day I will get to see her again. She will always be my first baby and I will never forget her.

[MomTimesThree]

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl. My heart is heavy for you knowing what those first days, weeks and months are like. The pain is absolutely unbearable. Take it one day, and when needed, one breath at a time.

I'm sure other more knowledgeable mommas will chime in regarding the stats, and successes after pre-e (we're currently in our post pre-e pregnancy.) From what I've gathered, the reoccurance stats don't mean that your pre-e would be the same in each pregnancy, it could be later, less severe, or not at all. So that's something to take a small measure of solace around.

Again, my heart goes out to you. Loosing a child is a pain no parent should ever ever know, yet so many of us do. If you're willing to share, I'd love to know what her name is, I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Lauren

[kerisue]

I'm so sorry for your illness and the tragic loss of your baby girl as a result. Preeclampsia forced my daughter to be born at 24 weeks too and ultimately she was too premature to make it. It's the worst, worst feeling ever isn't it? You feel like a vital part of your life and love that you barely even got to touch or hold is now taken from you.

Like you the first thing I did was start to do research. My doctor gave me the same exact odds of getting preeclampsia in a future pregnancy as you found in your research (60%). At some point in the future you'll probably want to consult with a perinatologist/maternal fetal medicine specialist if you can and they may give you some odds based on your particular situation. Even so, nobody really knows for sure what causes this so the "odds" are more likely an educated best guess. I have seen several women on this board who have lost a baby to early onset preeclampsia just like us go on to have successful subsequent pregnancies. That's what I'll hope for you, but in the meantime, I wish you strength to handle the loss of your baby daughter.

[flori]

I am so sorry about the loss of your baby girl.

I lost my daughter at 25 weeks due to HELLP and PE. She also had IUGR, like your daughter did. She was my first and only pregnancy. It sucks being stuck in the "severe early onset" group. The day after my daughter died my MFM said I had a 50% chance of developing "some form" of the disease again. I agree with you, that number is HUGE! It's terrifying and heartbreaking all in one. I have not seen another MFM since then, but I plan to within the next month or so. First up is an appointment with an OBGYN for a referral.

The bright side (I know it doesn't seem like there is one right now) of being on the forum is that there are so many stories of women who post here who have had PE or HELLP very early who went on to have healthy pregnancies (and babies!). Angie, Jasmin, Jean, Christa, and many more have given birth within the last year after losing their firstborns. I find their stories very inspirational.

Definitely check out the "pregnant again" forum, there are many success stories there, along with many in-progress mommies as well.

I know that nothing can take the pain away, but I hope you find the forum as useful as I have. (((hugs)))

[MissingMolly]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. This is such a traumatic thing to have gone through, and my heart goes out to you and your family.

I also wonder about having a successful pregnancy in the future, but there are many stories of healthy, problem-free pregnancies after preeclampsia so I hold onto hope. I think it's natural to be worried, though.

Love and big hugs to you. xo

[Shannonlynn]

I am very,very sorry about you losing your baby girl. I lost my son Fritzy at 24 weeks due to PE/HELLP and, for lack of better words, it SUCKS! Reading your post reminded me a lot of the events that happened to me. I remember crying my eyes out and waking up the next day and being able to push fluid out of my eyes, and that was a major sign that something bad was happening. I lost 18 lbs. of fluid in three days following the delivery of my son. I was very thin before I became pregnant. It is a wicked disease and totally unfair.

I think the fact that you are young is on your side. Don't give up on having another child. Get yourself an appointment with a peri and see if they can't help you. I found out I have antiphospholipid antigen syndrome (sticky blood) last summer and was really not expecting that at all. It gives some answers as to why the placenta gave up like it did. I am now 15 weeks pregnant and I take LDA, folgard, and lovenox 40mg 2x daily. For me, it is a leap of faith and I feel entirely different this time. What happened for me is that I was making myself crazy about when to start trying-the plan was May 2012. Then, I just gave up and said "I am not going to worry about it, if it happens it happens." And out of the blue, it happened. Now that I am in my second trimester the anxiety has come up a few ticks because as I approach the 20th week, I think people will be talking me off the ledge. It is scary but so far my blood pressure has hovered around 100/60 and lower, so that makes me feel better. And I opted not to do the triple screen to keep my sanity.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Take time to heal and know there are a lot of women here that understand what you are going through and are here to help.
((HUGS)) Shannon

[Jessica8872]

I can completely understand your thoughts and feelings. I too was diagnosed with preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome at 21 weeks and delivered my little boy the day he turned 22 weeks. I am also 26 years old and Christopher was my first and only child. I wanted to share with you my thoughts and feelings since going through that in October. At first I thought I would never again get pregnant for fear of going through preeclampsia and HELLP again and next time not getting as lucky as I did this past time-meaning next time I won't get to come home. I thought that would be the most selfish thing I could ever do to my loved ones. Then I felt the complete opposite - I decided to never again let preeclampsia get the better of me. I swore I would fight this stupid disease and never let it harm me or my baby again. I would fight it and beat it. Then I came to the realization that I was being extreme and letting my emotions get the best of me. So now I have talked to my maternal feral medicine Dr who helped me through my ordeal and have done some research. I decided to try again in 18-24 months postpartum. I will do all that I can to stop pre-E from happening to me again. I will be watched like a hawk and my pregnancy too will be considered high risk. If itdoes happen to me again, I will be more prepared and will do all that I can to sustain the life of my child and me. And, if it is to happen again, and I am forced yo relive that horror, my husband and I will adopt. But we are thinking positive and are doing what we can now. Don't give up hope. I haven't. Check out my story...it is very much like yours. Keep your head up, and don't give up! I'm rooting for you! Hugs.

[brianned5]

I'm so very sorry for your loss! My preeclampsia symptoms started around 20 weeks but was brushed off by my doctor. My baby girl was born at 25w2d due to severe preeclampsia/hellp syndrome. Kylie passed away 10 days later. Six months after I had her I got pregnant again. Obviously we were terrified the same thing would happen with this baby too. I went to a MFM and they gave me terrible odds and said be prepared because this will most likely happen again at the same time or sooner. We were devastated. After a couple weeks of searching I located a different MFM. They put me on foltx, baby aspirin, and calcium. In addition I was on BP medications because my pressures never went back to normal after having Kylie. These MFM's were so positive. I delivered my second daughter via c-section at 36w3d, totally free of preeclampsia. She is now a beautiful, happy, healthy 2 1/2 year old.

[ChanzeHNewman]

Hi Im kimberly newman I had pre e at 20 weeks and had my son at 23 wks and 6 days wer he died 13 mins after I deliveried him. I am also devistated and no one gets it not even my husband freinds or family. They think it was a sad situation and the saddness is pasted now for them. I am left with feeling like it happened 5 hours ago and wondeing why the earth still turns. It sounds superficial but I still dont get it either. its been 1 mo 3 weeks and 6 days since His name was Chanze Hunter Newman and my story is posted if you would like to know more, we had some things occur the same and may be of use to you. I hope yu find out what yourt looking for and if so please remember me cause I am in search of the same definative answers. I really think we really want a yes or no. Unfortunatly we cant have that a little bits and pieces do serfice. Anywho, if you ever need to talk or find anything out please let me know as I too am wanting to try again soon. I am 34 going on 35 the day our son should have been born on. Something I didnt mention was that Chanze was also a Trisomy 21 Baby.

[kerisue]

Kimberly, I'm so sorry about baby Chanze. You're right, 13 min. was not nearly enough with a child you wanted to know and love for the rest of your life.