Am I crazy?

[rosalinda]

This month I started seriously considering giving it one last try. I will be 34 this coming wednesday, and if I do decide to try again I'd like to start TTC when I turn 35 in one year (to give my body enough time to hopefully heal). I'd also like to go see THAT doctor in Seattle. I went to see him before I had my son, sadly I didn't go again before I lost my second daughter. Am I giving myself false hope here? Who knows...pregnancy is always 50/50 right?

My husband says no way to trying again, because I lost soo much blood this last time he is obviously worried about me. But it might just be too soon for him to get used to the idea.

Anyway, I'm just throwing things around in my head for now. I still want my son to have a biological sibling, and if I don't try another pregnancy we may have to start saving some $$ to be able to use a gestational carrier. Sigh, I wish I had the answer....

[aajatwins]

You're not crazy
One thing I've learned in my growing up as a mommy - a lot of women who want children just want them no matter what! And a lot of people do think I'm crazy for even considering a second pregnancy after my first was so incredibly unpredictable and ended so traumatically. Of course, there are women who can't shake the fear after that kind of experience, but there are others still who just feel they have a complete family and are done. It is a very personal decision, but I think it's important to consider what you might feel like 10 years from now if you never try again. I know people who walk around with that regret and I ache for them! Obviously, if you come to feel complete in your little family and not needing to grow more, then be at peace. And I think it's usually the wife/mommy who gets to the place of wanting to TTC again before hubby/daddy does. I know my hubby was freaked about what I went through and having to endure that crazy day ... understandable to me, but I was unresponsive so I don't remember any of it. In a way, that makes it less real to me (or at least, harder to grasp in reality).

Anyway, I don't know anything about this doctor, but sometimes a consult with a doctor can help you make your decision, too.
Best wishes

[blythe]

Absolutely no judgements here! If you want to try again and a good MFM gives you the go-ahead and can watch you like a hawk, we'll be here to hold your hand and cheer you on the whole way.

I don't know that THAT doctor could have done anything more for you than was already done in your last pregnancy, but I know his reputation and at the very least he could help you feel better about whatever you decide going forward.

((hugs)). If hubby needs someone to talk to also just holler, hopefully we could enlist some of the husbands around here.

[kerisue]

What a difficult decision to have to make. At least you have plenty of time to kick it around. I wish that having a gestational carrier weren't so expensive.

[angieb]

I think we are all a little crazy to ttc again after what we went through the first time. But then I am sitting here holding a sleeping 10.5 month old DS and he is absolutely worth all of it and I so understand what you mean about wanting them to have a living sibling. DH was never really completely onboard with it, he was just so scared we could lose another baby, which is crippling enough the first time you go through it...I kinda pushed dh into it and in hindsight he is glad I did. If it were up to him alone, I don't think he would have taken the risk, but I was desperate to have a living child, so he reluctantly agreed.

What I've seen about gest surrogates doesn't really convince me that the odds are that much better with them than it would be attempting again yourself.