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Broken hearted and down

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Broken hearted and down

Postby cgoodi1 » Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:48 am

by cgoodi1 (72 Posts), Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:48 am

Hi everyone. I was doing well with the grieving and was getting better day by day, however my last appointment yesterday seemed to make my world crumble. I got back the results of the autopsy and it said that the baby was a boy!!! When they did the ultrasound at 19 weeks they said a girl and when I gave birth they said it was a girl but now the pathologist said it was a boy. A karyotype wasn't done so now I just feel more heartbroken and confused. How can I grieve properly when I don't even know the sex of the baby! What if I would have put a name down for the baby or had a funeral? Now I am just happy my husband and I decided not to. I also unfortunately found out that there is still protein in my urine a month and a half later after birth. I have to do another urine test in two months and hopefully it will come back clear. All of my blood work is ok so far but not all of it is in yet. They also found that by looking at the placenta, the membranes were inflammed. I called the pathologist and said that they can't conclude why, just that it was. I just want answers and I feel that I cannot seem to get any.
Stillbirth - 21 weeks gestation due to severe preeclampsia, HELLP and IUGR - 15/02/12
Baby girl Aria - Induced due to high blood pressure at 36 weeks + 2 days - 7lbs 3oz - 05/03/13
cgoodi1
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Re: Broken hearted and down

Postby MomTimesThree » Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:12 am

by MomTimesThree (571 Posts), Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:12 am

The journey after loosing a lil' one is anything but linear, which makes it so difficult, as you see brighter days and then have one that knocks you down. It's such a process of continually getting back up and it can be exhausting. What I've found is that as the years go by, there are still those days that knock you down, but the getting up becomes easier and faster as you've practiced it so often. I hope the same will hold true for you.

I'm sorry some of the test results coming back haven't been as healing as you had hoped, and what a surprise to find out it was a lil' boy! What a lil' trickster you have on your hands. I remember getting some of our results back and expecting to feel "better" after and it didn't happen, it was a let down, but I guess in retrospect I know that no answers would ever be good enough because I couldn't imagine a reason good enough anyone could have given me to have taken my lil' girl.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, This is a long difficult road best walked with others.
Lauren
2008-Our Baby Girl, PTL born too early at 30w6d, Fought so hard... Forever Loved & Missed
2010- Lil' Bro, Pre-E at 29 weeks... Induced at 36w6d, Born 37w
2012- Lil' Sis, Super-imposed pre-e at 25 weeks, PTL & GD at 35 weeks, Evicted 36w
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Re: Broken hearted and down

Postby kerisue » Tue Apr 03, 2012 04:19 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Tue Apr 03, 2012 04:19 pm

How confusing the boy/girl issue is! In my grieving I have thought a lot about how Millie might have grown and developed and those thoughts would be different if she'd been a boy. Is there any way to get a definite on that?

Getting answers about preeclampsia may be difficult because no one really has definitive answers. That's part of what really sucks about this. That you had inflammation of the placenta is not surprising to me; there seems to be a connection between inflammation and preeclampsia.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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