WHY????????

[wooleybear]

Why does it take the loss of your first pregnancy for doctors to do more???? Does this bother anyone else???? It is like saying, "we only take your pregnancy seriously after you loose the first one to pre-e". This seems so backwards to me. Why don't they watch the first pregnancy more closely so less can wrong. This makes me so angry, does anyone else agree with me??? Everyone says that once you loose your fist baby to pre-e, THEN AND ONLY THEN, you will be watched more closely in your second one. I don't get it. This day in age, really modern medicine???

[cgoodi1]

I 100% agree with you and it truly does make me so angry. I told my doctor of my countless symptoms and she kept blaming it on things like "don't eat too much sweets" or giving me heartburn medication for the pain. I had so many symptoms before I lost! I'm sure I had the preeclampsia before 20 weeks. Probably around 18 weeks. Even the ultrasound showed the baby 2 weeks behind and no one did or said anything. It pisses me off like you wouldn't believe. Now and only now do I get to be followed at a high risk hospital. All woman should be monitored and told of pe. Also all woman should take their blood pressure at home before and during pregnancy. A cuff is only about 30 bucks and it's easy to do. So stupid.

[wooleybear]

I feel you, only do we truly know what our symptoms are telling us, and the docs don't listen. I even cried to mine several occasions about how much pain I was in from the swelling and he asked if I was depressed, and when I gained 20lbs in one month, he told me limit my cals to 1500 a day. (Funny I have lost 20lbs in 2 weeks since the delivery). I finally ignored him like he did to me and counted my salt and started to feel much better, but it was too late. I even researched holistic ways to reduce edema and salt intake, he didn't even go over other dietary methods such as salt intake with me, hello, duh?!?!?! I can't believe your doc told you to stop eating so many sweets. I now have a bp cuff, if I would of known to check it a lot, then I would of, this should be recommended to all new pregnant women. You are so right, and it was cheap! Im not saying my baby would of been saved 100% but at least I would of known I tried all I could do, I probably should of been on bed rest when I got the edema. Things could of gone differently.

[caryn]

Please don't post anymore about the possibility of a suit on the internet or via email. It is all discoverable and admissible. We would not recommend discussing this with anyone other than a "retained" attorney where you have privileged communication rights. This is to protect *you*.

For what it's worth, salt restriction is known not to benefit preeclampsia risk, and bedrest has not been shown to help either. There are no known treatments or therapies apart from magnesium sulfate to reduce risk of seizure, delivery of the placenta, steroids to develop fetal lung maturity, and a possible *very slight* benefit from a daily baby aspirin which is still the subject of much debate. Since preeclampsia is so brutal, the Preeclampsia Foundation exists to do precisely what you suggest - make sure *everyone* knows the signs and symptoms, what to monitor, and how to take symptoms seriously. We would love to have you, and anyone who has been affected, volunteer with us to fight this deadly disease.

[MomTimesThree]

I'm so sorry for all the hurt and the questions and what ifs that I know accompany those first weeks and months after loss. My heart truly aches remembering our first weeks and months. It's nothing less than excruciating.

It's not fair that so much more is done in subsequent pregnancies. Just today by chance I had to see one of the provides that I had with my daughter, it was so difficult to look at her, the lady who robbed me and my daughter of any chance at full term.

My only reframe, that I think helped us get through a subsequent pregnancy, was that everything that happened differently was a gift from our daughter to her siblings. With all my heart I wish that so much wasn't sacrificed for us to get better care- at the same time I couldn't change what happened. So looking at the care we received with her lil' bro and now this one as a gift that she's given them in some small way helps, and keeps her a part of our family. I'd like to think as their big sister she would have always done things to protect them, and this was still her way.

My thoughts are with you as you navigate this very difficult journey.
Lauren

[wooleybear]

thanks caryn for your info, yesterday was very confusing and emotional day. and an angry day all mixed into one. trying to work through this, and Im in the stage of blaming the docs for not doing enough. sometimes i just dont know where to turn in all of this, it happened not so long ago for me, about 3 weeks ago.

[afaiz]

Hi wooleybear,

I am so sorry for your loss I still cry everyday and it will be almost 5 months for me on the 15th. It does get easier though. I have some good moments and happy moments as well as sad moments and times where I feel hopeless.... It seems very surreal I lost my daughter to eclampsia & hellp syndrome. I went to my OB on Friday and had seizures on Sunday. So of course I felt the same way you did, I have done a follow up with a high risk OB that I think will def be more on top of things when hopefully I get pregnant again. I think the desire to have a baby is so great that we will try but going forward I know I have to deal with losing her & realizing that another baby wont take her place but will bring some happiness where there is a void.

I read a blog that helped me realize that waiting to get "better" is not going to happen after a loss like this you will always have a hole in your heart but going forward that hole won't limit your ability to be happy or smile again. Made me feel good knowing that it's ok to be happy, sad & mad all in 1 hour you have a right to feel however you want.

[caryn]

You are so very welcome to be angry and hurt and despairing, here. We understand.

I just do not want anyone beating herself up over not doing it right. If we had a therapy, I'd be the first to scream for joy. But we don't. The care we get in subsequent pregnancies is to *detect* onset - and there is no known way to delay or slow the progression. Some posters do have treatable underlying conditions, but there is very little evidence that treating those conditions benefits pregnancy! In a second pregnancy, because the first placenta remodeled the way our bodies work, the odds are much better - though not risk-free.

Please keep posting - this is why we are here.

[amjon]

I was also told I was gaining too much weight (5lbs in a month) when I was blown up with swelling. I told the MW to look at me and see where the weight was coming from. I did some things to rid the excess water and "lost" 3 lbs before my next monthly visit. I think sometimes they forget that water weighs around 7lbs/ gallon, and it takes a bit of water for you to swell so much.