I'm so sorry for all the hurt and the questions and what ifs that I know accompany those first weeks and months after loss. My heart truly aches remembering our first weeks and months. It's nothing less than excruciating.
It's not fair that so much more is done in subsequent pregnancies. Just today by chance I had to see one of the provides that I had with my daughter, it was so difficult to look at her, the lady who robbed me and my daughter of any chance at full term.
My only reframe, that I think helped us get through a subsequent pregnancy, was that everything that happened differently was a gift from our daughter to her siblings. With all my heart I wish that so much wasn't sacrificed for us to get better care- at the same time I couldn't change what happened. So looking at the care we received with her lil' bro and now this one as a gift that she's given them in some small way helps, and keeps her a part of our family. I'd like to think as their big sister she would have always done things to protect them, and this was still her way.
My thoughts are with you as you navigate this very difficult journey.
2008-Our Baby Girl, PTL born too early at 30w6d, Fought so hard... Forever Loved & Missed
2010- Lil' Bro, Pre-E at 29 weeks... Induced at 36w6d, Born 37w
2012- Lil' Sis, Super-imposed pre-e at 25 weeks, PTL & GD at 35 weeks, Evicted 36w