What to do about.......advice

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Re: What to do about.......advice

Postby wooleybear » Tue Jun 19, 2012 03:16 pm

My school donated money for me to fly home before the school year was over, after loosing Soleil at the end of May this year. So nice of them!!! I never realized how great of a support system I have there. Anyways, I returned yesterday and found something at my doorstep....something from my regristry at Target. My friend that I haven't talked to in awhile, missed my shower back in April. I didn't get a chance to tell her that I lost Soleil. There it was.... a nice expensive pac'n'play. I sent her a thank you card and explanation of what happened, lost her phone number. What is the etiquette on this one? Do I return it and send her the money back???? I wrote my number on the card, Im sure she will call so we can talk. I guess I can ask her what she wants me to do with it. Totally not her fault, just another way for the universe to " smack me in the face" and remind me of my loss :roll:


Just when I was crying about how lonely it was going to be flying back to philly with no family or anyone to come home to, I have this reminder at my door :(


Good thing my first Unite support meeting is tonight for bereaving parents :?
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Re: What to do about.......advice

Postby wooleybear » Tue Jun 26, 2012 10:44 am

Today I am going to Babies r Us to return the crib. I had a friend come over last night and take it down for me. I have the mattress and stroller ready to go too but I just can't seem to bring my self to return the stroller. Ive been crying this morning over this and can't make a decision. I don't even want to go there, but it is time to bring the crib back, it has been a month and a half and they have a 90 day return policy. I just want to run in and run out of there. So emotions going through me right now, I just wish I didn't have to do this :cry:
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Re: What to do about.......advice

Postby cgoodi1 » Tue Jun 26, 2012 11:34 am

I lost my baby in February at 21 weeks. I hadn't had a baby shower but since it was our first pregnancy we began buying things as soon as we entered the second trimester. We had the room all set up, stroller, car seat, etc. I packed everything away and put it inside the baby's closet however the crib, changing table and dresser are still up in the baby's room since we have no place to store it. We are hoping to eventually have a rainbow baby and plan on using the furniture and things then. The clothes we received and bought will also be used since most of them are neutral. I personally don't mind reusing the items but it's a very personal choice.
Stillbirth - 21 weeks gestation due to severe preeclampsia, HELLP and IUGR - 15/02/12
Baby girl Aria - Induced due to high blood pressure at 36 weeks + 2 days - 7lbs 3oz - 05/03/13
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Re: What to do about.......advice

Postby Kathrynwwjd » Tue Jun 26, 2012 12:18 am

I lost my baby girl at 24 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia.

We had only bought a few items and these were second hand. A few days after coming out of hospital I packed the things away (including the moses basket) and have taken them over to my mums house to store there in the hope that I can use them one day.
Elsie Lily Munday stillborn at 24 weeks 31st May 2012 due to severe pre-eclampsia. Always loved never forgotten.
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Re: What to do about.......advice

Postby wooleybear » Wed Jun 27, 2012 07:12 am

I returned the crib, but couldn't find myself returning the stroller. It is in a box and I just packed it in the closet. Everything is down in her room or put away in the closet. It feels so empty. I put my sewing table and art stuff in her room. But I just can't help but see it as her room still. I do have a table in there where I put a kinda shrine to her with my memory box, some dried flowers from friends, and an album of memories. My apartment just feels more empty and dull. On the positive side, it did prompt me to start some drawings for her and Im turning them into prints. Yet it just feels so final now :?


I miss you so much Soleil, it has only been a month but I miss each and every day :cry:
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Re: What to do about.......advice

Postby MomTimesThree » Fri Jun 29, 2012 09:36 am

We just celebrated our daughter's 4th birthday- which also means it's been 4 years since I held her in my arms. My heart aches for you remembering what it was like just a month after. The pain is so acute- and everything feels so final. What I've found, so thankfully after 4 years is that your journey and relationship with your daughter will continue. It's of course so different than how we planned and how we wanted, and yet there are bonds between a mommy and child that are truly just never ever broken. Each step you've taken since your daughter was born will be that much different because she was here- she'll always be making a difference in your life, and in turn the lives of others.

Four years later we now have an almost 2 and a half year old, and he knows that some things are his sisters, and talks about her things- was very upset the cake was for her birthday not his... "normal" sibling things played out in the most unnormal of ways, yet there's a lil' bit of peace there knowing that our lil' angels still play such a large role in our family.

I wish you peace, and hope one day if it's what you want, you'll be pushing Soleil's stroller telling her lil' bro or sis all about their big sister.

Lauren
2008-Our Baby Girl, PTL born too early at 30w6d, Fought so hard... Forever Loved & Missed
2010- Lil' Bro, Pre-E at 29 weeks... Induced at 36w6d, Born 37w
2012- Lil' Sis, Super-imposed pre-e at 25 weeks, PTL & GD at 35 weeks, Evicted 36w
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Re: What to do about.......advice

Postby wooleybear » Sun Jul 01, 2012 08:04 pm

"It's of course so different than how we planned and how we wanted, and yet there are bonds between a mommy and child that are truly just never ever broken. Each step you've taken since your daughter was born will be that much different because she was here- she'll always be making a difference in your life, and in turn the lives of others."


That really touched my heart, thank you. And yes I hope one day I will be telling her little sis or brother about her. :)
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