Probably unrealistic but... vbac? Anxiety is killing me.

[mom29]

Glad to hear you are not considering a hb in a high risk situation. It was this statement in your first post that made me think you meant a hb (some women do go to hotels for their birth).

"I am just at such a loss as to what to do. Sometimes I feel like I would give anything to run away to some hotel somewhere and give birth in a bathtub. The thought of the hospital, and the epidural is more than I can take."

I'm glad to hear you are going to look into getting counseling. Is it possible your hospital has a policy against vbac after 2 c/s?

[blythe]

I'm glad we didn't scare you off and may have even given you some helpful suggestions .

You did scare us a bit sounding like you may have wanted a homebirth with your history - and I want to make sure we're friendly to homebirth moms who end up with PE and can't have that option! - so thank you for the clarification. I love the idea of an epidural-free tub birth with all the benefits of modern medicine inches away! But I'm worried for you with your history, if you don't end up with that kind of birth that you're going to feel awful afterwards. Could you possibly come up with a mental scenario where another c-section is a positive thing? You and your therapist can decide if that's a helpful suggestion at all, I'm just trying to come up with a way to make this birth less traumatic for you.

What did you find out about your protein level today?

[lotsamom]

I have been there in that state of extreme anxiety. Birth triggers a lot of anxiety for me. I guess I'm easily traumatized. But after having 6 children it's not easier for me and preeclampsia has not helped that. I did actually, before I had the preeclampsia risk and chronic hypertension, decide to just stay home with my 4th and I had her on my bed. I was sick and tired of going back and forth with constant bh's that lasted for hours. And I hate the out of control feeling I have in hospitals and in labor. I'd not recommend that course to others at this point. And I'd not do it again for myself. But I was not high risk at the time and all worked out really well in the end. Except the excruciating pain of her birth left me more traumatized than the previous ones. She came out with her head in a transverse position. The malposition made transition feel more like a knifing.

I'm pretty sure I live near you based on the description of your hospital. I know they have great birthing tubs there. My old CNM works there now and has spear headed the water birth situation there. She's an amazing midwife! But I'm pretty sure anyone considered high risk is automatically risked out of using the tubs last I heard. So now personally I get inductions. And I'm terrified of the epidural. It's not rational since I know it doesn't hurt much to get it. It's the fear of it. The build up. Yes, I feel horrible after first because I feel paralyzed and feel like I can't breath. I do adjust to it. But I am only 7 weeks along now and I'm having to talk myself down and reassure myself. It makes it hard to even enjoy pregnancy and look forward to the baby after birth because I'm so dreading what might happen to make me sick and how labor might go.

That said I know someone who had a VBAC after 2 csections. My aunt did. Her first two were csections not preeclampsia related. Her ob with her 3rd baby offered the chance to vbac and she did twice. It went very well for her both times. But she was able to wait till she went into labor on her own. I have a feeling that's not going to happen to you, going in to labor on your own that is. In your shoes I'd probably be asking to just be able to go under general anesthesia or to be given a very strong sedative before surgery and not have to wait for a sedative till you are screaming uncontrollably. I'm a little confused by some of the talk in this thread though....why do people talk like a csection is usually a give with preeclampsia? Is it? I've had it with my last two pregnancies and no one ever talked about the possibility of a csection for it?

[lotsamom]

forgot to sub to the thread for replies....

[alexis]

It's not so much that a CS is a given with preeclampsia--it may be indicated but not necessarily. (I had a no labor CS For my first because the preeclampsia had put the baby into distress.)

The issue is that it's really hard to induce a VBAC, and you can never count on it being a possibility. So everything that would be an induction becomes a repeat CS.

[blythe]

LOL I just wrote a superlong post and Alexis said it better in four lines . So - what she said. We can hope and plan for a vaginal delivery, but in this case (VBA2C with a possible induction) preparing for a c-section is also a good idea.

But in general, vaginal deliveries are absolutely possible with PE, there are just a lot of reasons in PE that c-sections become necessary and lifesaving.

Amberstrika, sorry if I missed your post, but did you get clarification on your 24-hour?

[amberstrika]

Hello everyone.

I'm so glad that my experience are starting a dialogue. I'm starting to feel that extreme anxiety in pregnancy is kind of a brushed over topic. I have always felt so different from other pregnant women, and it's good to know that I am not alone in my fears. I'm currently trying to find a therapist who specializes in birth fears, but it's not as easy as I hoped it would be.

As far as anesthesia options, I am not a good candidate for general. Most pregnant women are actually poor candidates due to our airways and the difficulty in getting breathing tubes in us because of our body changes. Add into that my known heart condition, and It's out the door for me. I think I've decided that I am going to stand my ground and demand serious sedation before the epidural is even put in. I know they like to wait until the baby is taken out and give it while you're still in the operating room, because the baby can be sedated for the first day as well. But even still, I just can't do it another way. And sedated baby aside, it won't cause any true damage. It's still considered safe or they would not even allow it. So that's where I'm thinking of going. I know I will not remember anything, just as I don't remember anything from last time after I got sedated, but I truly don't care. I'm not in this for the experience. Here's hoping that I can come through this alright..

I had my appointment yesterday for the protein discussion. Turns out, even though my husband and I both CLEARLY heard her say 1g. The lab results showed there was 120 mg in the whole catch. They expect to find between 50-80mg, so I was higher. But still below the 300mg for a preeclampsia diagnosis. This explains why my OB wasn't worried but the nurse was concerned.

[arwen]

Sounds like you're in the same boat as me in some ways, a "limbo" patient where some people are concerned, some people aren't. I'm above the levels they want but not high enough to be classed PE.

Gee, it's not like this is a condition that makes you feel like a ticking time bomb where you can't know how long your fuse is, and yet the only way to save the life of your innocent child is to figure out when you'll go boom!! I just want to know in what sane world WOULDN'T someone be expected to be anxious about this?! I think being anxious is a more intelligent response than some of the responses I've gotten from some of the OBs in my practice, some of whom have acted as if this is a perfectly predictable and routine medical situation and you're absolutely crazy for asking them if a c-section isn't better than an induction given how lousy you feel.

This isn't the only area of medicine where doctors are so clinical as to not even begin to recognize how traumatic things can be for a patient, I've seen it in others, but I agree with you, anxiety about things surrounding pregnancy and delivery is totally brushed over. It seems like a lot of people want to brush you off as just another hysterical whiny woman and everything is "all in your head," made up for attention. Makes me want to tear my hair out, or let them take point on feeling awful like I do for a few hours and see just how "all in their head" it really is and how much the attention gets really old. I don't think wanting some peace in pregnancy is too much to ask.

[blythe]

Good info about why GA wouldn't work for you - and why it isn't good for pregnant women in general, thanks! I hope you and your doctors can agree on a birth plan that is as close to your sedation ideal as possible.

And I completely agree, my doctor in my second and third pregnancies had to be half therapist, half OB! I can see why you'd want a therapist specializing in birth anxiety, but I'd encourage you to just find a great anxiety therapist in the meantime if the search takes too long. The way I look at it is it's important how you feel, not what the details are. Can you say a little more about why the birth expertise is important to you?

[ellemoon]

As all of the previous posters have said... I agree that you probably need to see a therapist. I know I did. I had severe PTSD from having my daughter at 29 weeks due to severe pre-e April 2011. I still do to a certain extent. Mine wasn't from the c-section or the fact that she was in the NICU for 8 weeks. (Although, that contributes to it). I mourn the fact that I wasn't able to carry to term and experience the third trimester and deliver vaginally. I was extremely bitter about it and still am. I had a classical c-section, so a VBAC isn't even an option for me either and I'm really sad about the fact that I will never experience something so natural and beautiful (and painful).
Anyway, the therapist can help you work through those feelings. It helps a lot. Also, it might be beneficial for you because a therapist may be able to write a letter to your doctor and/or insurance company that states you NEED to be fully sedated for your c-section due to PTSD and anxiety from the previous experiences. They won't have a choice then.

I know how you feel though about wanting to VBAC but when I think about it... I want a healthy, full term baby more. So, I will gladly sacrifice that in order to get a baby here safely. You definitely don't want your uterus to rupture. That's really bad stuff. (as you know)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do! Know that you're not alone and you're not off base at all for the way you feel. We all deal with pre-e and how it affects us differently, however "irrational" it may seem. I know my family and friends think I'm completely nuts and I feel so alone sometimes with my feelings but it helps to come on boards like this to sort through those feelings and know that you're not alone. Therapy helps tons too. I wish you a healthy pregnancy, a great delivery and a healthy baby!!