As all of the previous posters have said... I agree that you probably need to see a therapist. I know I did. I had severe PTSD from having my daughter at 29 weeks due to severe pre-e April 2011. I still do to a certain extent. Mine wasn't from the c-section or the fact that she was in the NICU for 8 weeks. (Although, that contributes to it). I mourn the fact that I wasn't able to carry to term and experience the third trimester and deliver vaginally. I was extremely bitter about it and still am. I had a classical c-section, so a VBAC isn't even an option for me either and I'm really sad about the fact that I will never experience something so natural and beautiful (and painful).
Anyway, the therapist can help you work through those feelings. It helps a lot. Also, it might be beneficial for you because a therapist may be able to write a letter to your doctor and/or insurance company that states you NEED to be fully sedated for your c-section due to PTSD and anxiety from the previous experiences. They won't have a choice then.
I know how you feel though about wanting to VBAC but when I think about it... I want a healthy, full term baby more. So, I will gladly sacrifice that in order to get a baby here safely. You definitely don't want your uterus to rupture. That's really bad stuff. (as you know)
Good luck with whatever you decide to do! Know that you're not alone and you're not off base at all for the way you feel. We all deal with pre-e and how it affects us differently, however "irrational" it may seem. I know my family and friends think I'm completely nuts and I feel so alone sometimes with my feelings but it helps to come on boards like this to sort through those feelings and know that you're not alone. Therapy helps tons too. I wish you a healthy pregnancy, a great delivery and a healthy baby!!
Leslie (26) DH (28)
Chronic hypertensive since age 17
DD- born April 24, 2011 due to severe pre-e at 29w1d weighing 2lbs, 11oz
Diagnosed with homozygous MTHFR C677T
Pregnant with #2! Due 9/2/13 but will deliver at 36-37 weeks due to classical csection.
(Labetolol, HCTZ, Aspirin 81mg, Calcium, Mag, Zinc, D, Fish Oil, Fiber gummies, Folic Acid)