Recent loss and I just need some advice, encouragement

[Nanay11]

Hello, I'm new to this and really I'm looking for support by those whose been in my situation. On Sunday 08/12/12 we lost our son Angel due to really severe case of preeclampsia. The dr said he only see cases like mine maybe once a year if that. Two weeks prior to loosing our son Angel (we named him Angel because it's who he was born to be our special angel in heaven) I had really bad acid reflux then it escalated to pain by my rib cage and back. Friday before loosing him I seen my OB told her all the excruciating pain I have been having, during the visit nothing seems wrong my BP was normal (I had no pain at the time go figure) so she ordered blood test suspecting it may be just gallbladder. Saturday the excruciating pain came is even more unbearable. Something told me to check my BP so I did, was extremely high 213/117... I took Tylenol for the pain thinking my BP might go down once pain subside... BP didn't go down. Phone my OB immediately she told us to go into LD n she will notify doctor on call that night that I was on my way. DH and I went after getting out oldest situated for the night. That night we received the worse news of our life. I was dying because the PE is already affecting my liver to the point that if I waited a few days longer it would have exploded inside me. The worse part was I'll have to deliver Angel if I want to survive n because I'm only 22 wks Angel had no chance of surviving. The dr said that main priority is to save me so my oldest who's only 3 1/2 can grow up with his mom. It broke mine n DH heart. I was induced and on Sunday I pushed Angel out even though I knew that he won't be crying when he comes out n that he won't be with us. I was able to hold him for a few n kissed him n told him that his mommy daddy n big brother loved him very much. My heart is broken but I know I have to move on for my oldest n for DH whose been my rock. My PE had no telltale sign that I knew about, how could PE just creap up like that n take our dear Angel away? All of my US n Dr visits had been fine no problems. Should have I known that the acid reflux wasn't acid reflux but something much worse? Should have I known that the excruciating pain I was having on my back n rib area want just muscle pain? Should the Dr have seen this coming since I did have PE with my first born when I went into labor with him at term? So many questions I have n I know there may not be answers it still doesn't take the pain away of loosing my Angel.

Does anyone else had the same case or similar but still was able to have another healthy pregnancy n deliver a healthy baby? If DH n I ever decide to even try again is it possible that I'll have a normal pregnancy?

I'm scared even just thinking about it that one next time I might loose my life n leave my oldest son without a mom n DH without a wife. Two that the same thing will happen n I don't know if my heart can bare to loose another child.

Please your thoughts advice experience is very much appreciated.

[lemons]

I'm so sorry that you lost your Angel. I am sure that you will hear from some of the other moms here who have lost babies to this dreadful disease. The worst part about PE is that so many of the symptoms are the same as normal pregnancy symptoms. Please be gentle with yourself as you grieve and question what has happened. And please keep posting- you are not alone and the women here have broad shoulders to lean on. Hugs.

[m]

Losing a baby to PE tends to leave people with so many questions. There are so many 'what ifs', leaving you to wonder if there was anything you could have done differently. This is so common, but it is very important for you to understand that losing your baby was not your fault. On the day my first baby was born, I saw my doctor that afternoon and there were no signs of PE. By midnight that night I was having an emergency c-section because I had a sudden, severe onset of PE. I had no idea what it was - just that I was in terrible pain. This disease can strike suddenly and has so many signs and symptoms that are common in normal pregnancies. If you spend some more time reading the various boards here, you will see that your case is very similar to many others, and your questions are very common.

You should visit with a specialist about your particular case, but many women who have lost a baby to PE have gone on to have successful subsequent pregnancies. Whether or not to try again is a very difficult decision that will take time to make. We decided to try again after our son lived for only 8 days, and we now have a 2 year old daughter. It can be so scary, but there is a great group of ladies here to turn to for support. I am so sorry for your loss - losing a child is a terrible thing. It may not seem this way now, but eventually you will be able to adjust to life as a bereaved mother; it just takes time.

[kerisue]

I'm so sorry that Angel had to be delivered too early for him to survive. Preeclampsia took my little one away from me too and it's the worst pain imagninable. I imagine you need some time to grieve, but when the time comes to think about trying to conceive again, M gives you good advice about consulting with a specialist before making any decisions.

[wooleybear]

Im so sorry for your loss, Angel is surely missed and is a beautiful angel in heaven. Everyone has different symptoms and Pre-Eclampsia means "Lightning". The symptoms come on so fast like lightning that there is little time to do anything about it sometimes. I had major swelling, my doc kept saying it was normal because swelling is a normal pregnancy symptom. To me I was too swollen, face, hands, feet. I went on a special diet, lost some of it, but then came the headaches. All the while, by bp and urine were normal. I look back and think I had times when my bp spiked for a minute and then went back down when I rested. I would get so out breath just carrying groceries, that is when my bp prob spiked. But I didn't have bp cuff at the time nor ever thought to check it, I think they should be highly suggested purchase for pregnant women, but anyways....I lost my daughter at 32 weeks, finally I was at the doc when the headache came on and my bp skyrocketed, the U/S then showed no heartbeat. I was so devastated, my first child. Later I find out she died of an infection in the autopsy but the pre-e effected the placenta, causing her to get the infection. I know the pain you are going through. I had so many ifs, ands, why's, it is all normal. You will get some peace when you reach out to people and seek answers the best you can.

[mychaelelaine]

Oh I'm so sorry for your lost. There are no words that can take away the pain, I know. I just pray that the pain lessens over time, it has for me. I'm 33 weeks on Monday and so grateful but sometimes my heart still aches for my little girl who didn't make it. I just know I feel so much better than I did last year in October. I do believe that time heals wounds. I hope the same is true for you!

[uncskristy]

I am so sorry for your loss. I truly believe that there is nothing worse than losing a child. I wish I could say the pain goes away but it does not. You will learn how to cope with the pain and move on the best you can.
My story is simliar to yours. Cooper is my second born son. At 22 weeks, my BP was fine and there was no protein in my urine. I started to swell up terribly and was miserable soon after that. I kept telling myself it was paycheck for a great first pregnancy. At 23 weeks and five days, I woke up with bleeding. My placenta had a small tear. The BP was high when I checked into the hospital but calmed down within a day and my liver/kidney functions were okay. The bleeding stopped so I believed that we were through the worst and I just needed to relax and deal with a long hospital stay until it was safe for Cooper to be born. At 24 weeks, two days a team of doctors entered my room and told me that the steroids I had received on day one and two must have been masking what was going on with my kidneys and liver because the tests showed they were now failing. The tests would be repeated but if there was no change or it had gotten worse then they would need to deliver Cooper within 48 hrs to save at least my life. That afternoon I was wheeled back to the OR knowing my son would not make it. But like you, I had a child at home that the doctors were not going to leave motherless by waiting too long. Cooper was with us for 22 hours. My husband, the hospital staff and myself did the best to make the most of his short life. I did not know then that I would have the strength to try for another child. After hearing the statistics in cases similar to mine and educating myself more on preeclampsia, we decided to try again less than a year later. I was very excited when I made it to 30 weeks with no signs of PE. We made it to 35 weeks and five days before the PE showed up. And even then, it was extremely mild and I had no idea prior to walking into my normal appt that it had returned. Since we knew Blaine was fine and with the speed PE had moved in Cooper's pregnancy, we decided on delivering immediately.
So yes it is possible to go on to have a healthy child.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss. I hate that you had to find out the severity of PE but I am glad that you find us because this site gave me strength because I found that I was not alone.

[babyjames]

Like the other women in this thread I too know your pain and what you have gone through. I lost my very first baby James to severe PE and he was also IUGR due to that. I had no idea that there was something wrong with me until my midwife discovered my BP had shot up and that protein was detected in my urine. Immediately and unexpectedly I was rushed to hospital and thrown into another world - a world of fear and dread as the docs tell me that I have developed severe PE and that my baby could not be saved and that the pregnancy must be terminated if I were to survive. I felt like I was falling into a spiral, feeling confused and extremely worried. A million tears were shed with lots of sleepless nights in the hospital. I decided to fight the docs and fight PE, thinking that if I stay in hosp, rest up, eat healthy foods, drinks lots of water, constantly stay on my left side, stress less and keep positive that I will save my baby... but eventually I lost that fight and Baby James lost his fight inside me. Eventually I lost all of the fluid and the blood flow to baby had reversed and soon enough I felt less and less movement inside me. I had to accept that my baby was not going to live and one day I went to church and prayed to Mother Mary to take baby James.... that next day my doc confirmed that there was no heartbeat... no words could describe that pain, absolutely NO WORDS. it hurt so much and 3 months later I am still hurting...

my advice to you is to take your time and grieve in the way that you feel comfortable - it's true that there is no right or wrong, just do what u feel is best for you. For women like us that have gone through this horrible event we need to be strong and we need to keep our spirits up no matter what. It's a hard fight but I believe we can fight it. surround yourself with people who care and understand and read other people's stories of hope and love to keep your spirit up.

all the best xoxo