oh I know I so understand! Going back to work was so so hard for me as well. I felt all the emotions you are decribing, every one of them. I specialize in prenatal and fertilty massage and health counseling so it was such a struggle to go back. I thought, how would i have it in me to care for, encourage ,nurture these women? How will I handle when a women with a huge 40 week pregnant belly come in complining how "done" she is and can't wait for it to be over already! How will I feel when people ask if I'm pregnant or how the baby is??
Well, like others have said it wasn't easy and yes all of the above happened at one time or another. Some days were better then others. Depending on who asked what and how I was that day I would explain sometimes in great detail to those I felt it was ok to do so, and others I kept it short, simple. Sometimes I felt myself just start to cry, and sometime I didn't. It was just something I had to go through. For a long time I kept it a secret from many of my newer clients. I didn't want tp "upset" or "scare " anyone, didn't want to sound negative to these women who were after all coming to see me to relax and escape all that. Then when it was a year gone by since we lost our son Benjamin I knew it was time to come out.I was tired of pretending that I had no children when clients asked, tired of being afraid. I wrote an article about my story in a local paper and another on line with a woman who is very well known for her prenatal yoga here. I felt liberated and free.
So many women came foward to tell me of thier losses and fears. I soon started a support group with local hospitals for women who were going through or had gone through what we have.I remeber at first I was ready to quit doing the work I had loved so much before. I had changed so much and didn't feel I had it in me any longer to teach, love and nurture others. It was all so raw still, I was in the thick of my grief. It took time, lots of time but I got there.. Take it one day at a time, it is so true that saying. It will not be easy, but I promise that it will get easier as time goes by for you to work again. You are not alone . Sending love and strength. xo
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo
Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013