So alone in this

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

So alone in this

Postby wooleybear » Mon Sep 17, 2012 08:33 am

One of the other hardest parts of losing my baby girl is that I am so alone in this. I have no family here, they are in the next state over. I have friends and co workers but I don't have family or that intimate partner to help me through this. Soleil's dad is willing to talk to me and support me, but it is just not the same as having someone to come home to. I went home over the summer and stayed with my family for over a month. It was so nice to have that human contact and friends there that I have been close with since grade school. Now Im starting to cry as I write this. When I came back to town after visiting my family, I just cried and cried because I was so alone again. I tied to make efforts to go out with my friends and then I started back to work.

Then I met a new guy and I was super excited. It was so new and I got excited to quickly. Everything was nice, conversation good and all we did was kiss. Finally I thought, after all my horrible relationships lately. Well a week goes by, no phone calls, nothing. I don't get it and now Im just a wreck thinking I shouldn't even date right now, I need to take care of myself....but I am so sick of taking care of myself, I want someone close there to comfort me. It is to hard right now to do all this mourning by myself

Now it has me thinking, when is the right time to date again, when I am going to be strong enough to handle the let downs, because I don't think I can handle any more let downs. It just feels like such a loose loose situation. All it did was remind me of how alone I am in all of this and how stupid I was for thinking of getting involved with someone. I don't know anymore.
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Re: So alone in this

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Tue Sep 18, 2012 09:42 am

I am sorry. It must be so hard to be far from your entire famly. I want to share with you that when I lost my son, I too felt alone. Although I was not alone in the same way as you are. I realized that everyone grieves very differently, especially men and women. My husband seemed so different then me. I wanted to talk and cry all the time. He didn't. I also realized that although friends and family wanted to be there for me and meant well, they too didn't understand. They would say things they thought would make me feel better and "get over it" but instead it just hurt so much.

Something that helped me alot was communicating with others that understood. Others that had also lost their baby. I found some groups on line such as this one. I also found a few groups that would meet up monthly. These groups had couples as well as single moms that were grieving . I exchanged numbers with a few of the women. We would talk on the phone and meet up for coffe or dinner and just talk. It was so helpful. If I were you I would look into this. Being around people that understand makes you feel much lesss alone in this. It has been 2 years since losing my son. I still am friends with some of the women I met through the groups. Some have gone on to have another baby, some are dating, some thinking about trying again. Time heals, I never believed it but it does.

I don't know about dating. That is a choice you have to make. I don't think anyone is ever 100 percent ready to date after a loss, try for another baby after a loss on and on. Going through what we have changes things alot. I do know that especially in the beginning stages of grief, we are so raw so sensitive. Just getting up everyday can be difficult. If you do decide to continue dating, maybe don't put alot of expectaions into it. I always say, if a man doesn't call you then he is doing you a favor. If you are going to have someone in your life then it should be someone who truly cares for you and wants to be with you. Dating, is simply getting to know people, deciding what you do and don't want. So try and take it slow enjoy the company and when you don't enjoy it, it's not for you. I hope this helps. Thinking of you, hang in there.
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: So alone in this

Postby afaiz » Mon Sep 24, 2012 12:51 am

Hi wooleybear,

I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my daughter in january and I know how it feels to have your family so far away, my parents & sister and cousins everyone lives in another city... I know it doesn't compare bc I have my husband but sometimes I miss my mom so much I just cry... The first 6 months were a daze for me I didn't really enjoy anything.

I have been going to a grief counselor, and also have gotten back into an excersise routine to help boost my mood. I think maybe trying to keep busy might help you and if you ever want to talk feel free to message me. I just know that somehow things will get better just taking it one day at a time I think will help you

Good luck
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